let's face it
let's face the facts, dear, about the reasons why i bleed
and why you left me here, returning nothing but silence –
tangible and thick in the air that it also left me choking,
coughing, vomiting the filth out of me (but i'm still dirty).
and i know that you are scared but there's no reason to
be because you don't know fear as much as i do – you
could never know how scared i was to face the fact that
i could have died from lack of blood (clean up the mess
because this is just the beginning). the way i s-stuttered
your name out just to try to save myself – i had to admit
that it was you – all you and nothing more (at the time).
swear to me that i(t) never meant a thing to you. why did
you leave me to bleed? questions like that could never
have an answer to them because i didn't even know why
i bled (in the beginning). i thought it would be easier after
seeing you but now everything is harder because i still have
to put on that face, pretending that everything is okay when
i'm screaming inside, weary of the places i choose to bleed.
this (ugly) girl can't face the imperfections in the mirror any
longer because they burn holes in my eyes – longing to be
stapled closed, i ought to be blind (and not see where scars
are anymore). i'm filthy – this much i know – and i want this
to be over. i don't want to suffer – i don't want to bleed –
i don't want to see you any more – i.am.close.to.the.edge.
(push her over and she'll surely break, so fragile like the
glass she uses to cut herself to bleed). but the thing is,
you would never save – you never wanted this – i never
wanted this but here it is, leaving me and you to wonder
why this has to hurt. don't pretend this is easy because
i know it's not. (scarred girl tried suicide but failed as she
wept and wondered why she has to be this way. this can't
be the way broken friendship is and this can't be her).