Red Ticker Tape
Officer Holden and Officer Dale poke around a bloody crime scene in a restaurant while they wait for the medics to arrive.
Holden:
All
I can feel is this rotten apprehensiveness about the whole situation-
I mean any human being evolved enough to walk upright would say the
same. All I can smell is death.
Dale:
Then
pinch your nose Holden- and open your goddamn eyes.
Holden:
They're
open- but I might as well have red ticker tape wrapped around them.
Dale:
Look
I don't have the time or patience to deal with a goddamn
hemophobic.
Holden:
Hemo-what?
Dale:
Hemophobic-
you dumb fuck.
Holden:
I'm
anything but that.
Dale:
Well
for fucks sake you don't act like it.
Holden:
As
a matter of fact I'm the complete opposite.
Dale:
That
so?
Holden:
Yeah
that's so. Why would you take me for such a fucking freak anyway?
Dale:
What's
freakish about being a Hemophobic- most pantywaists are.
Holden:
Your
calling me a-
Dale:
Pantywaist-
that's right.
Holden:
I'd
say the most fucked up people are.
Dale:
What
the fuck are you talking about?
Holden:
Hemophobics-
what the fuck have we been talking about?
Dale:
Ok
Mr. Steven fuck Hawking- lets hear your Webster's definition of a
hemophobic.
Holden:
A
crazy fuck who gets off at the sight of blood.
Dale:
What?
Holden:
You
know- when they're fucking they like to cut themselves and shit-
turns them on.
Dale:
You
have got to be-
Holden:
What?
You're saying I'm wrong?
Dale:
I'm
saying a fuck-load more than that kid-
Holden:
Something
wrong with my definition?
Dale:
Try
everything.
Holden:
OK
grease ball- lets here then- enlighten me.
Dale:
Jesus
Christ you're a dumb fuck
Holden:
You
keep flapping your lips but I'm not hearing what I want to hear.
Dale:
What?
You mean you don't want hear about the air floating around in that
chunk of meat you so casually refer to as your head?
Holden:
You
like to talk in circles.
Dale:
Better
than talking in zig-zags.
Holden:
And
just what the fuck do you mean by that?
Dale:
Let
it drift kid- radio the medics and check they're status.
Holden:
What's
the point- if they would have gotten held up by the Corleone brothers
I'm sure they would have radioed- and you know what I think? I
think you're stalling because you don't even know the answer to
your own goddamn question.
Dale:
Let's
not muddy the lake kid- I asked you the fucking question.
Holden:
Yeah-
and I threw it right back in your face.
Dale:
Right-
making it your question.
Holden:
Just
because I racketed back your question doesn't make it mine.
Dale:
Well
if it came out of your mouth-
Holden:
Look-
it doesn't fucking matter who's question it is- the only
thing that matters is what fucking question it is.
Dale:
So
officer Holden is an expert in semantics now?
Holden:
So
Officer Holden continues to dodge the question?
Dale:
OK
kid- remind me one more time- what is the fucking question?
Holden:
Don't
fuck around- you know the question.
Dale:
For
our purposes here- let's say I don't remember the question and I
need you to remind me.
Holden:
Just
what kind of fucking game are you playing?
Dale:
Now
my memory isn't what it used to be- but I'm pretty sure that's
not the question
Holden:
You're
real fucking funny-
Dale:
And
you're real fucking stupid.
Holden:
The
question is this-
Dale:
All
ears.
Holden:
Just
what the fuck is you're definition of a hemophobic?
Dale:
Hmm.
Holden:
Not
so quick with those snappy cracks are you now old man?
Dale:
Alright-
I got my answer-
Holden:
Alright-
spit.
Dale:
But
first- what was you're definition again?
Holden:
You
need to quit fucking around Dale-
Dale:
Wait-
I think I remember.
Holden:
Remember
what?
Dale:
You're
definition-
Holden:
For
fucks sake- why repeat it?
Dale:
Because
I want that stupid fucking thing to hang in the air so that when I
tell you how it is- and what a hemophobic really is- I want you to
feel as much like a fucking dunce as possible.
Holden:
Alright
smart guy- spit it!
Dale:A hemophobic- you dumb motherfucker- is someone who pisses themselves at the sight of-
Holden:
Huh?
Dale:
Red
ticker tape.
The ambulance siren wails in close proximity. Dale shines his flashlight on Holden and smiles.
Dale:
Medics
are here- look sharp kid.
-end-