its all or nothing
and you're my
only source of happiness
yet my main source of pain
and either I hold you forever
or I walk out that door
a portal leading to a new life
full of loneliness or independence
I wouldn't know because
its been so long that
I cannot even formulate
an image of my life without
you looming over me
with a kiss and a yelling match

and I miss the days when
I just melted into your arms
which took over my body
destroying my world
when I could barely knock
down your walls of protection
and our love was full of
roses and chocolates
but never any heartache
when all we wanted was
one more millisecond together
wrapped up in each other's embrace
staring into the blues of our eyes
and never looking away

and your eyes could
melt my soul instead of
igniting a raging fire that
you try so hard to extinguish
but your words are not enough
only so many I'm sorrys
before your actions are your
true emotions, a 3D puzzle
and I'm five again crying
because the pieces will never fit
and waiting for someone
to wipe away the tears
and show me the
order of the world

but its all or nothing
and there's no middle ground
no one to orient my compass
I must chose either this
forever and ever amen
or losing you
who used to light up my world
and can still light up my soul
with your sweet words
but can tear my heart out
with the slightest twitch of your wrist
and I'm tired of being a child
so impacted by your every whim
but where would I be without you?