Amputation

It's yesterday plus two hours and my eyes aren't giving in,

Weaving in and out of memories that can't bring me back again,

I read your letter through and over for the better part of a day,

I became everything you made me, in the worst possible way,

But she said my failure didn't mean I wasn't needed anymore,

I could leave and come back better, like I always did before,

I'd done my best to hide my whereabouts and the scars around my eyes,

You have nothing to be ashamed of, she told me. Everybody dies.

I've spent two years searching the silence, trying to fix my broken brain,

Or maybe just to wipe it clean so that no trace of me will remain,

But sometimes nothing happens no matter how long you sit and stare,

We never discover anything new, we only learn to see what's there,

You said you needed me to matter, I guess I needed something more,

Maybe a quiet place I can call home, maybe an ever-raging war,

Either way I'll fight your battles, just to fight or just because,

I'm with you even when I'm not, even though I never was.