so, baby, I know you're into all that purity bullshit.

I just wanted to say that, you've got a little bit less

than I'd like to fuck.

so, baby, I thought I should give you a lesson in what

fuckable means.

just shut up. and try not to puke.

(it's not as dirty as it seems, but yeah, you might

make a mess).



the right kind of night starts with a buzz that

fills you right up from high heels to

your little pretty pink lips. and baby, it's gonna

sting and burn going down your tender throat

but baby, you'll learn, it's worth it.



baby, just watch, 'cause you'll see

that girls like me know how to strike.

and once you're swirling high you better

take a fucking hit of smoke before it's down

on the rollercoaster again.

(and baby, it might kill you later,

but your heart will thank you for the relief

when that cigarette flames up.)

just live in the fucking moment,




once you're spinning and slipping and choking

you'll be lost in the bright lights and the raw-raw-raw

feeling of his hand on your skin.

don't cry, baby, you know the fingers up in you

will be almost as good as love.

(and baby, it might be your first kiss

but the child you'll have will be a

little reward for the pain. just pretend it's


welcome to heaven, baby.



so baby, you're a little less than I'd ever fuck

but I'm sure he'd be willing.

so let your hair down and let the virginity

slip down to the floor with your miniskirt.



and now baby, you're all set to be a big girl.

go choke on his dick, baby.

go get buzzed on his fingers, baby.

go fuck, baby,

go learn how to live.



and hey, baby, when you're in the street

gutter and wishing you never learned all these

lessons in (pretending to) love,

remember that,

you asked.