I spun around under the stars and felt at one with everything. Seriously, everyone has felt this great peace at some time or other, haven't they? What could be greater? It must be how Charlie felt when he said he felt infinite in that car riding through the tunnel.
What? We wallflowers can experience things too.
I collapsed, completely out of air, and decided to stare at the stars as the perfect ending to my night. I felt the cool grass underneath me and I ignored the chill of the night, yet relished in it at the same time. I could almost see how cold it was, my breath appearing to freeze in front of my face. I released all the stress and tension out in one breath. My shoulders instantly felt more relaxed.
Sitting under the stars like this always made me think of him. I could almost feel his hand in mine, remember our conversations. I could picture how he would have to bend down to kiss me on the forehead. Ah, the naivety of young love.
Needless to say, not all things come to a good end, but they do end. But I've moved on, and so has he; we are continuing our lives in different paths, at different universities, with different people. We are different people now. I had to be broken in order to rebuild, and he supplied that. I had to break to help him handle his past; all in all, it was a pretty mutual thing. I no longer harbor bad feelings toward him in anyway, except skepticism for any new men, which, I guess, could be blamed on him, or it could be blamed on my father. It really depends on how much you're psycho-analyzing me, I suppose.
A dark form interrupted my reverie, and normally I would have freaked out, but I recognized the silhouette instantly. I sighed and motioned beside me, not saying anything to disrupt the peace of the moment.
"You always stay out late at night by yourself?" I shrugged in reply.
"Campus doesn't creep you out at night?"
I didn't respond because honestly, it did. I freaked out in my house by myself, much less alone on a big campus at night. I'm not afraid of the dark! I'm just afraid of what could be in the dark… there is a big difference! Instead of relaying my inner panic, I just shrugged.
"Shylah," He said to me and I winced and turned to look at him. "At least I got your attention," He muttered before I said anything.
"Boyd, you know I don't like that name—"
"Yeah, Cadence, I know that."
I laid down in the grass again before saying anything else. "Isn't the sky gorgeous?"
"Yeah," he whispered. He scooted closer, to get my vantage point, I guess.
"Why don't you date, Cadence?"
"W-what?" I was caught so off-guard that I stuttered out that question and turned to look at him in alarm.
Whoa, he was a lot closer than I had thought. No one could ever say that he wasn't gorgeous.
Unless they lied, of course
I quickly looked back towards the sky, "At this point in my life, not to mention the cycle of guys, what's the point?"
"Explain the cycle of guys thing." He sounded like he was getting upset.
"Most guys, at this point in their life, are out for flings, sex, that sort of thing."
"The key word there, Cade, being most."
"And how am I supposed to pick out the good ones, Boyd, when I can't even pick friends out correctly?" I asked this question rhetorically. After a pause I continued with another rant, "And besides guys have to be interested in order for me to date them."
"Cade, I've seen guys look at you as you pass by, you can't tell me they're not interested."
"Boyd, have you noticed who I'm walking with all the time?" When he didn't say anything, I decided to remind him. "My friend. You know, the blonde bombshell with the perfect body and outgoing personality. Let's face it, Boyd, I may not be ugly, but I'm not sensational."
"Cade—" Boyd started, sounding extremely pissed at my view of myself by then.
"I'm not saying that I'm not worth it, it just takes longer for someone to appreciate me. I mean, really, guys are attracted to the outside, the physical first, right? Chemistry has to be there in order for 'love' to exist." I looked at Boyd and his expression was one of bewilderment. I smiled, "Besides 'love' to college students is like lust of the obsessional sort."
"That," Boyd said as he turned my face to his, "I completely disagree with."
I opened my mouth to say something but Boyd put his finger to my lips. "My turn," He said. "Guys are more likely to be attracted to someone who seems down to earth, not the perfect pin-up girl. Sure, we like to impress each other with our girls, but what's the point if we don't genuinely like them?"
I contemplated this for a moment until Boyd spoke again, "And you, Cadence, are down to earth and fun to be around. Besides you have more depth in your big toe than that 'blonde bombshell' has in her entire body, and above all, guys don't want to get bored. Would you like to talk to someone who only has the brain capacity to talk about getting her hair done and shopping? That gets old real quick."
I smiled, and then noticed that his fingers were stroking my jaw in an absent-minded nature, like his fingers were merely an extension of his heart. It's too bad that I can't trust myself in these sort of situations. I always read too much into it, because, since I'm a writer, I'm used to over-analyzing everything.
"Cadence, why don't you date?" He asked again; I looked at him flabbergasted. Didn't we just go over this? "No, I don't want your generalizations, I want to know who gave you the initial push into this cynicism."
"It was just a guy, he was stup—we were stupid. It doesn't even matter anymore."
"Then why'd you bring it up?"
"It was the only boy I ever really dated, so I just assume that's who you're talking about."
"You're gorgeous, you know that?" I looked genuinely surprised and he traced around my eyes, which fluttered closed with his touch. "Why didn't you date before him, Cade?"
"Why are you prying, Boyd?"
"I just want to understand you, Cadence."
"Because it didn't take me long to notice you, because I think of no one but you."
My eyes became misty at his declaration, which I guess he took for a good sign, since he moved closer. "Because I want to scale that wall you've built to keep out invaders and help protect the fort."
I smiled wide and pecked him on the chin, since that was the only thing I could reach. He used his hand as leverage and pulled my lips to meet his, in the grass on a cold night with our bodies trying to reach each other, but not quite making it.
I mentioned feeling infinite before, didn't I? Well, this feeling definitely tops it.
Author's Note: I do not own Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. Other than that, this is completely mine! Please review!