A/N: Yes, I got contructive critisism!!! And I agree with it all. And once I finish the story, I'm going to go back and revise it. I just don't have the patience to do it now. I'm in a weird boy situation. I find myself feeling like Sadie does. But I didn't do what she did. Don't worry. It makes for good romance, I suppose. Or not, according to some. Oh well. I hope you guys enjoy the rest of the story. I'm actually planning on finishing it, unlike everything else. Ah, don't you wish you had a Lyndon? I do. Mmm. :)
Waking up in someone's arms is always a perfect feeling, and the sunny wonderful day made it even more perfect. Until I realized I had school two hours ago. I groaned and woke Lyndon up. But he only made a little sound and promptly fell asleep. I shook my head, got my clothes on, and walked next door to Lauren's room. Once I got inside I saw her at her usual place at the table, sipping some coffee. She looked at me and then down at her magazine. I came up to her and sat down across from her.
"Hey stranger." I said smiling.
"Wipe that smile off your face." She said nastily. I looked at her with confusion. What was her problem?
"Don't look at me like you don't know what's going on. You're a whore. A regular sleaze. I thought you were different Sadie."
"What? Are you jealous or something?" I spat, and her hand came flying towards me and hit me really hard in the face. I sat there in shock, not knowing whether to pounce or run.
"You think you can just mess around with Lyndon? Fuck around with him? You're no better than Cole. In fact, I think you two deserve to be together. You make a nice skanky couple. You can go live with him too, because I don't want you anywhere around me or Lyndon." She stood up and glared at me. "So gather all your shit and get the fuck out of here."
"But…"
"Listen, I think you're old enough to realize that people have feelings." She paused, like she didn't want to say what was really on her mind. "Just get out of here. I don't want to see you again."
"I thought we were friends…"
"When it comes down to it, obviously family is more important."
"But Lyndon was happy with me."
She turned her back and started washing her mug in the sink. I sulked to my bed and threw all my stuff to the ground and folded the bed back into a couch. I found all my bags and boxes and stuffed all my things in them messily, while trying to hold back tears. I didn't know what her problem was. I didn't want Cole; I wanted Lyndon. Or did I? I smacked my head and started crying immediately. Who was I? I've never been this boy crazy. I grabbed all my stuff and dragged it outside. I stood against the wall in the hall, trying to gain my composure. As I was struggling to control myself, Brianna stepped into the hallway, and a look of surprise came across her face.
"What's going on?" She asked.
"I got kicked out." I told her, wiping my eyes with my sleeve. I glared at her, to let her know I still hated her guts.
"I'm sorry." She said, and stepped inside her room. I burst into more tears and slid down the wall into a sitting position. The door next to me opened and heavy footsteps came out.
"Sadie, what's all this about?" Lyndon asked in a voice thick with sleep.
"Your sister hates me."
"And you're surprised?" He bent down to look me in the eyes. "I'm sorry Sadie; you need to figure out what you want. Not just run around and mess with people and turn around and go mess with some more. Maybe you like Cole, maybe you like me. Maybe you just want sex. Maybe you're really someone I don't know."
"But last night…"
"I wasn't in the right mind." He stood up and ran his hand through his messy hair. "I definitely wasn't sober."
"What?" I looked up at him angrily. "It wasn't anything?"
"I don't think so. I don't remember anything really."
I stood up and pushed him.
"You're such a dick!" I grabbed my stuff as well as I could and hurried to the elevator.
"Look who's talking." He said quietly after me.
"You're moving in with me?" He smiled happily. I shook my head and walked past him. I threw all my stuff in a corner, all the while Akello was bouncing around me. I finally petted him on the head and scratched his ears and he gave me big sloppy dog kisses.
"Cole, I just need a place to stay right now." I said warily.
"So you're using me." He asked, a smile still playing on his face, as he leaned against the door.
"Technically yes. But as a friend needs a friend." I said, putting emphasis on the word 'friend'. "So, got a spare room?"
"Only Akello's, but there's a bed in there. He usually sleeps on the floor in that room." He glanced at me and left the door. "Why did you come to me? What happened?"
"Lauren kicked me out."
"She has that habit." He said bitterly.
I looked at his face, twisted with something like a mix of anger, and regret. He sighed and turned away from my eyes.
"Well, you can make yourself comfortable. I'm making dinner."
"What happened, exactly? Between you and Lauren?" I asked his back. He sort of froze up, his back looked rigid. He slowly turned around.
"We broke up?" He smiled slightly, as if that could let me know what happened. I shook my head and he closed his eyes.
"I met Lauren last year; she was in my English class. I noticed her because she was so different and had such a strong personality. I liked her right off the bat. I mean, I actually liked her for who she was, not her face or body, as I usually do. She is pretty though, and I thought to myself, Cole, maybe you can do the relationship thing. And I did for a while. But then I messed up and it wasn't the same."
"What'd you do?"
"She had one of her paintings up in a gallery, and I was supposed to go with her. Instead I decided it was a good night to party and get piss drunk. The next thing I knew I was with some girl, and things just happened. I didn't think about them happening, I was so used to doing it all the time. Lauren called me about forty times that night. I didn't hear any call. I fucked up. I regretted it, and I threw up so much that night, not from the alcohol, but because I made myself sick. She took me back, but nothing was ever the same again. I just went back to being who I was, having changed from being an idiot to a good person and back to an idiot again."
"What are you now?"
"Probably an idiot." He said, rubbing his arm where there was a tattoo of an atomic bomb.
"What do you feel about me?" I asked, curious as to who I was: a relationship girl, or a fuck buddy.
"At first I didn't know. But I do now." He took my hand and I let him.
"You're a good person Sadie, all that's going on right now, it's my entire fault. I should have left you alone. You were fine where you were. And Lyndon, he's probably a better guy for you. Even though I hate his guts, I still think you should be with him, because he will treat you right, you can tell by the way he cares about his sister." He fluffed his hair up and let go of my hand. "I'm no good. I don't want to hurt anyone else."
At this moment I cared about this boy in front of me. I never would have thought he was vulnerable, but here he was letting me know he had a weakness. I almost put my arms around him and hold him. Almost. But I didn't.
"Lyndon doesn't want me." I said instead, dropping my gaze. "He and Lauren think I'm just some big slut. It's not my fault, boys confuse me."
"Yeah, that's where I come in. I'm sorry I messed up your reputation." He said, giving me an apologetic face. "I wanted you for myself. Most of all, I didn't want Lyndon to have you."
"That's why you were so nice? Why you cooked me dinner? Do you always do that to suck girls in?" I wasn't trying to be mean, I was only curious. He nodded.
"It's not sucking them in as much as wanting them to like me. I'm a confusing person Sadie; you shouldn't mess around with me. I lie a lot."
"Are you lying right now?" I asked and he laughed, heading into his kitchen.
"No." He said, and took out some pasta from a cupboard. "Do you like pasta?"
"It's alright. Want any help?"
"No it's alright. You can get yourself settled in like I asked you to a while ago." He said, waving me away with a package of pasta in his hand. He bent over and fumbled with some pots. I watched him for a few seconds and then retreated to the room with Akello at my heels. I put my sheets and pillow on the bed, and then put my bags on top of it. Akello had a dog bed and food and water in the room and also some gnawed up toys. The door had a wedge in it, to keep it open for him. I wondered if he minded that I slept with the door closed at night. It was strange having my own room again, and I wondered how long I would be here. I kept pretty much everything in my bags, except for some things I put on a nightstand next to the bed. I pulled out my zebra and put him on my bed and Akello immediately attacked him.
"No!" I screamed at the dog as he shook his head back and forth. I could hear some sickening ripping sounds and I lunged at the dog. He evaded my attack and ran out of the room.
"Come back!" I ran after him. There was some fluff on the floor and I got even angrier. I got to the kitchen where Cole was holding up a seriously injured zebra and scolding Akello who looked slightly guilty.
"I'm sorry…" Cole gave me the same expression his dog had. He handed me my wounded friend and I went back to my room, picking up the stuffing on my way. I closed the door and sat on my bed. I wondered how it was going to be, living here with someone like Cole.
Class was more tedious that it had ever. I handed in my paper about myself, and tried to sleep through the rest of class. Unfortunately this was impossible when you're trying to ignore someone who you can't stop trying to look at. He just happened to take a seat a little in front of me, because someone took his seat. I stared at the back of his head, and sometimes at his face when I caught the right angle, but when he would try to catch my eye, I would stare intently at the teacher. When class was over I tried to take as long as I could gathering my stuff and slipping it into my bag, but Lyndon caught on and did the same. I sighed and shoved everything in my bag and quickly rushed out of the classroom and when the opposite way down the hallway that I usually took, and slipped into the vending machine room. I waited for a few minutes, until I decided Lyndon went downstairs, and I came out. I had the worst timing ever.
"Why are you hiding from me?"
"Hiding?" I said nervously. "I was getting something to eat."
He looked at me skeptically.
"Then why don't you have anything?"
I rolled my eyes and walked past him out to the elevators.
"Sadie!" He came after me and positioned himself in front of me. His scarf was wrapped tight around his neck as always, and his hair was soft; he had probably showered before class. I could never wake up early enough for that. I pressed the button.
"Where have you been staying?" He asked, shifting his weight.
"A friend's." I didn't know how he would react if I told him I was staying with Cole. But I didn't have much of a choice. I didn't have any good friends around here; I just hadn't thought to make them.
"You don't have any friends besides us, don't lie to me."
"You guys aren't my friends! You think I'm a whore!" I yelled at him slightly louder than I intended to. He looked only slightly taken aback.
"Maybe if you didn't act like one." He spat. My eyes widened. His features softened and he shrank back a little. "Sadie, I didn't mean it. Not really…"
I just looked him in the eyes. Those beautiful green eyes hurt me like hell. He came towards me, but I stepped back. The elevator bell rang, and doors opened, I hurried inside it, and Lyndon came right after me.
"Sadie, just tell me where you're staying." He looked at me in a way that suggested that he knew, but wanted me to say it. I knew he knew. Where else would I stay?
"I'm staying with Cole." I said. The words seemed to hurt him still, even though he knew it was coming.
"I guess you're with him now?" he said, not looking at me.
"Nope. I'm not with anyone. He just took me in after you guys kicked me out. How inconsiderate, knowing full well that I have absolutely no friends or any place to stay. You guys are big jerks. I mean, hate me all you want; but kicking me out was really callous and spiteful. " I said, feeling a lot better being able to be mean to someone. "Sorry I hurt your feelings Lyndon. Everyone gets hurt. It's too bad you need your sister to protect you from the world. And eliminate the things that upset you." I started to get louder, as the elevator descended. "I didn't mean to hurt you. Everyone makes mistakes, and I'm certain you've made many. But how would you like it if you messed up, and someone had the nerve to tell you to leave?" I yelled at him, feeling better and better with every word. "I really like you, you idiot. I just don't know how to show you. And I got a little confused. Everyone does. You can't blame me for trying to guard myself from getting hurt."
The elevator reached the first floor.
"It's not like I killed anyone." I gave him one last look. "Pick your heart off the floor, and when you're ready, let me know. Because I'm ready." I stepped off the elevator and walked out the revolving door. I didn't hear him follow me, so I assumed my words got to him. It wasn't fair at all that Lauren could just kick me out. I stared at the ground as I walked, kicking anything in my way. Footsteps surrounded me as the city came to life.
"I didn't kick you out." A voice in my ear said. "Lauren did."
"And I'm sure you would've stopped it." I said sarcastically.
"I wouldn't have let her. I mean, yes, you did hurt me. Ugh, Sadie can you slow down?" He grabbed my arm and pulled. I stopped and looked over at him. "I'm sorry I didn't do anything about it. Can you come back? I don't want you staying with Cole. There. I said it."
"Cole isn't trying to get into my pants." I told him. He glared at me.
"You don't know him!"
"Neither do you. I should let you know that he wants me to be with you." I smirked.
"He does? Why?"
"You tell me." I stepped closer to Lyndon, and caught his eyes. "Why should I be with you?"
"Because you like me?" He smiled. I shook my head. "Because I like you?" He tried. "Because I will take good care of you, and make sure you're happy." He said sounding more confidant.
"Because I'm a good person, and I care about you Sadie. And I want you to be with me. I'm ready. I just don't want you to leave me like you did. Because you promised you'd stay."
"I thought…"
"Yeah, I wasn't okay, but I remember you promised." He smiled and leaned closer to me. "I couldn't forget that part." He took my hand. "Come back to me."
"Not yet." I pulled away from him.