softly spoken

it was as if you whispered, "bleed for me."
and i unknowingly replied, "gladly."

and then i drew every pain i couldn't feel
across my wrists, in hopes that you would
understand but you left me in silence, only
leaving me to wonder what else i would receive
in reply. and if i could only know what went
through your mind when you received my first
letter then surely, i would speak differently. if
a three weeks wait wasn't enough then surely
waiting for over a year is more than adequate.

would it hurt you (more) to know that after a
failed attempt at suicide in august of 2005,
i tried again in 2006 but it only came out as
another failure? – what a way to celebrate an
anniversary of endless blood, tears, and vomit.

but now if you told me to stop bleeding, i'm
not sure how easy it would be because then
you would show that you care (and i would
be left in awe and dead from the shock).

October 20, 2006

author's note: sorry, i haven't update much. i haven't had time to be quite honest. my life has been extremely hectic right now but i think i'm slowly becoming ... unbusy (?).