I tear out my heart
And I nail it to a cross
Each and every day for you
Each and every day for the world

I bleed my tears tonight

They rain down upon my mind
And turn it all to ash

Where compassion should be
There is only rage
Where sadness is lacking
There is anger
When I should be loving
I find myself hating

My heart is caught in a thunderstorm of anguish
And my mind is lost in the whirlwind that follows

Burning bridges and bloodbaths
Play out upon a stage inside my mind

And blasphemy, and hate, and torment
Are the actors upon this stage
Coated in my dripping red despair

I wish it all away
I wish it would all corrode
Into fire and pain and death
So that I might not be brought back to this place

This is my self-inflicted torment

Because
I wish I could take responsibility for the world
I Wish I could make your cross my own
And by God I have tried

But my own weight alone is too much
I stumble, cracking my head
I stumble, cracking my heart

And it bleeds out this tormented tale

"You cannot save them, you cannot save any of them"

These words clot in my arteries
And I seize up
My arms tingle and I go numb
And slip into a darker place

My powerlessness is void that can never be filled
A gaping maw that cannot be sated

My own pained, empty attempts a whisper
Now in silence, a howl

Your actions remain your own
And your path your own to follow
And when I cannot help you
My soul rusts
My mind capsizes
And my song fades

There is no happy note in this melody
There is no silver lining to this despair
My sorrow is my own
And you cannot save me from this pain
Anymore than I can save the world from itself

But what makes me who I am
Is that I still try

Even when the world screams against me

I still try

And even that is held against me

4:06 am
11/02/2006