Note: very long humorous and pointless song ahead!

I'm lying on my racecar bed in my room

It's nine at night and I should be asleep

But inside the dark, dank, creepy tomb

Of my closet, there dwells a ghastly creep

The door, it creaks!

The creature, it speaks!

My face, it grows clammy

So I cry out for my MAMMY!

"Honey, what's going on?" she whispered

As she walks into my frightening abode

"Something's in my closet!" I quivered

She quickly goes into parenting mode

"Honey, monsters aren't in your closet.

They don't exist, little boy," she said.

"No, not monsters. But I know I saw it,

Something else that fills me with dread!


There's a salesman in my closet!

He comes out almost every eve

And tries to sell me stuff I don't need!

A salesman in my closet!

He's shrewd and rude and quite uncouth

And he tried to sell me carpet shampoo!"

My mother looks with a twisted grin

She starts to laugh in uncontrollable spurts

"You have quite a mind, imagining salesmen!

I'm sorry, it's so funny that it hurts!"

"Mom, you are supposed to be helping me!

He really tries to sell me useless crap!

Like cleaning spray with six extra ounces for free!"

But she wouldn't listen, just gave me a head pat.

But as soon as she leaves….

There's a salesman in my closet!

He's smarmy and smug and sells me a rug!

He'll be there even if I take sleeping drugs!

There's a salesman in my closet!

He drains my pockets and sells me sprockets

He tricked me into selling grandma's old locket!

"Please Mr. Salesman, leave me alone!

I just want to get some rest for one night!

If I give you my brand new cell phone

Will you go haunt my mom and fill her with fright?"

"I'll take you up on that great proposition!

I'm not one to turn down a deal.

But if to anybody you slightly mention,

I'll have to sell you a rotating water wheel!

I finally had him off of my back,

And now my mom has to deal with him.

He won't be stealing any more of my jack

But for my mom, the future looks grim


There's a salesman in her closet!

He'll sell her cookies and little toy Wookies

Soon she'll have to visit her bookie!

There's a salesman in her closet!

He'll sell you gears and Miller Lite beer

He's really a big pain in the rear!

He's a salesman!

A really annoying salesman!