They Would Never Know

She had always wondered what this moment would be like. Perhaps not exactly in this setting, nor time, nor place but the feeling of wonder had been just the same. Would it hurt? What would it be like afterwards? Would there just be nothingness?

She watched the men and women running around, yelling at each other and occasionally yelling at her. She blinked a couple of times, their faces blurred and their voices distant. They were telling her all these things, but they were all lies. All lies.

She knew the truth.

Tonight was the night.

She was going to die.

She had just turned twenty. Twenty. She remembered looking back at the calendar all those months ago and discovering her birthday fell on a Saturday. A Saturday.

She almost didn't have any birthday celebrations but her friends insisted she at least go out for the night.

It's a sign. They had said.

Your birthday's on a weekend.

We can all go out and party.

You only turn twenty once.

It only happens once a year.

So she had relented. Her friends had done everything; set the time, the place, even given her their opinions of what she should wear that night. All she had to do was drive there and be willing to dance.

They knew her weakness. She loved to dance, provided there was a good song playing.

And the club was famous for playing the best songs.

The night had started off wonderfully. Everybody was talking, laughing; drinks were flowing free and plenty. She planned on driving home in one piece so she easily held back her temptation to drink and stuck with her soda pops watching everyone else have fun. And it was fun.

Until they started making their way to the dance floor. A very cute stranger kept making eye contact with her, though he never got his courage up until she started dancing. Finally there was a tap on her shoulder, a smooth bow and a hopeful request to dance with her in his arms.

She was finally twenty. She thought, drunk with happiness. Perhaps her luck was finally changing. After a lifetime of watching all the guys chase after her best friend had left her wondering when it would be her turn. She hadn't been asking for much, just that one guy in the whole world that was crazy enough to think she was the prettier one, that she was the one worth dating, and perhaps even the one he'd be proud enough to show off in front of his friends. Just that one guy.

The stranger held her close as the beats vibrated through her heart, making her go weak in the knees. Surprisingly he was one of the respectful kinds. He didn't try to feel her up or touch her inappropriately in any way as the music kept on playing. He held her tight around the waist and she could feel the light tickle of his breath on her neck. It was too good to be true.

The song wasn't even halfway finished when she felt rough hands pry her out of the grip of the handsome stranger. She opened her eyes to find herself and the handsome stranger separated by two arms. Two arms that belonged to another guy. And he had a dangerous look in his eyes.

She recognized him, he was her friend.

At least she had thought he was her friend. Up until the moment he decided to rip them apart.

The stranger took one look at those burning eyes and disappeared into the crowd.

"What the hell?" she yelled at him over the blare of the music. "What was that for?!"

"What the hell were you thinking?" he yelled back. "I'm protecting you!"

But she had heard enough. She was twenty years old and everybody had gone through numerous dates and break-ups when she was still yearning to feel her first kiss. Her best friend had gone through so many boyfriends and casual "seeings" you could no longer count them with both hands. Shouldn't it have been her turn by now? Shouldn't it have been her turn a long time ago? Wasn't she ready to feel butterflies in her stomach and eventually a broken heart? She was always tired of coming so close to her goal only to have it ripped away. She never got to feel the butterflies. All she had ever felt were the broken hearts.

She got her coat from the check-in and proceeded out the door, purposely ignoring his voice and presence trailing behind her. He yelled out some mumbo jumbo about how he had seen that guy before and how it was a classical move for that guy to be all courteous and respectful. It was all a ploy he yelled in her ear. All a ploy to get the girl to succumb and do whatever he wanted in the end.

She felt her heart jump at his words. Maybe they were true; maybe the handsome stranger did to that to girls. But was that so bad? She would have loved a guy's sweet attentions even if it was just for one night. If that was all she was ever going to be given, she would have to take that. Beggars couldn't be choosers.

Had she become that desperate?

Maybe she had.

Maybe she was just fed up with everything.

She got into her car and drove off with his fists pounding against the windowpane. He chased her to the edge of the parking lot. After that he had no choice but to let her drive off.

She took the opportunity of a red light to sit in her car and mentally cool down. When she opened her eyes again the lights were still red but her mind was clear. That's what she always took pride in: no matter what happened in her life, the moment she got into her car she was always cool and calm. She would cry and scream into her pillow when she got home. But for now, she concentrated on the road.

The red lights at the next intersection switched to green as she approached. At least she always got lucky when it came to those little things. She thought. She shifted into a higher gear and started to make her way across the intersection.

She never saw it coming. The headlights from the car on the other side of the street were suddenly glaring straight into her eyes. He had crossed the center line. Her mind told her. For some reason he had crossed the center line.

There was no time to react. She felt her hands yank the wheel to the right but she couldn't have been sure. Did she swerve? It seemed like she didn't as the sickening sound of metal colliding upon metal and shattering glass filled her ears.

All went black.

She didn't know when the ambulances had arrived, but she knew she had been lucky. In a weird, ironic way, she had been lucky. By some twist of fate a police car had been driving by and the cop had immediately stopped and radioed in for help. He ran to her car first and yelled something into her face but all she could do was stare back blankly.

It was a young face. She realized. He probably hadn't been on the job for more than a few years.

It was funny how some of the most random thoughts could plague her minds at the most perilous of times.

Something caught the policeman's attention and he ran over to the other car. It was more of a small pickup truck. The front end was smashed inside and a spider web crack had magically appeared over the windshield but otherwise the man staggered out unharmed and unscathed. The policeman ran over to the guy and yelled a few things into his face. Much to her confusion, she saw the man get turned around and handcuffed a split second before he leaned over and vomited all over the ground.

He was drunk. She realized.

He was drunk.

After all she had done to not drink and drive, it was pure irony she was hit by someone who had. A man who had.

A fully grown adult that was throwing up all over the street.

There was nothing but sadness in her heart for that man.

He was thrown into the back of the police car, handcuffs and all. After that the familiar face was back, asking her the same questions.

She understood him this time.

"Miss! Miss! Are you alright? Can you talk?"

He tried to pry open the door but the force of the crash had sealed it shut. He reached through the shattered window, oblivious to the fact that the shards of glass tore open his dark jacket sleeves. He found one of her bloody hands and clenched it tight.

"Everything's going to be alright, the ambulance is on its way."

She stared at him.

"Everything is going to be alright you here? Everything's going to be ok."

He was another stranger to her. Somebody that had been at the right place at the right time. Somebody that could have helped and did. He didn't know who she was, where she had come from, or what was her favourite colour, but in the end that didn't matter. He cared about her in this moment and time. He truly cared about her.

And that was enough.

At last she found her voice. It was a quiet and hoarse voice, but it was one she hoped the kind stranger would hear.

"Thank you."

Hours later as she felt her eyelids grow heavy, she could still hear the voices of all who had showed up, but the world was fading. As the world started to grow darker and darker a surprising face came into her sight.


Thomas was always there. She realized now. Whenever a guy had passed her by without a glance he was always by her side. He would call that guy a complete idiot for not seeing what a great girl he was and encourage her not to give up the fight. "We have to go through a million idiots before we find that one person that's worth holding on to." He had said. "Maybe that's how we know not to let go."

Everything was clear now. She understood why she had been so mad.

She had loved him.

She had loved Thomas.

He had been the one worth holding on to.

Yet she had never done a thing about it. Never asked him if he'd like to get together and hang out, just the two of them. All she had done was whine about how no guys were noticing her when she hadn't made any effort to get noticed. She had made no effort to get Thomas to notice.

I love you Thomas. She thought to the black sky.

The stars were starting to come up.

I love you so much.

But he would never know.

The rain was coming down in sheets, soaking his hair, soaking his skin. Funny how it always rained, like in the movies, at exactly the right times. Was the water cold? Did the coldness soak through to his bones? He hardly noticed. Nothing like that mattered at the moment. Perhaps nothing like that would matter anymore.

He pushed his way to the front of the crowd. Rough hands held him back until he mumbled some obscurity and the hands disappeared and the yellow tape in front of him magically lifted.

Somehow he found the strength to weave around all the parked cars. Shades of red and blue danced around him making the whole situation more surreal. No…this was a dream, a scene out of a movie, a nightmare, anything, anything but real.

But it was real.

Oh god, it was real.

The front of the car was a crumpled mess, but the driver's door was missing, as if they had seared off one side to show a cross section of what the inside of a car would look like if it had been involved in an accident. She was lying on the ground almost as perfect as always. But for some reason his mind went back to the pouring rain.

Why were they letting her lie out in the rain like that? She should have been in one of the ambulances by now.

He didn't know how but the next thing he knew he was kneeling down beside her. She never moved, never stirred at his presence. His heart ached even more. He would have given anything at that moment in time, anything to have her open her eyes. Even if it was to yell at him.

Numbly he reached for one of her cold hands. He wanted to say something, scream, yell, do anything to bring her back. But the words were caught in his throat, the tears caught in his eyes. His mind knew she was gone. But his heart still held on to that thin thread.

A fool's hope.

Maybe…maybe if he hadn't rushed in and tried playing the hero. Maybe if he had let that other guy dance with her a second longer and hold her a second longer. Maybe if he had held back and gritted his teeth and let his heart explode, maybe she would still be breathing. He knew she would still be breathing.

He had killed her.

His actions had killed her.

Why why did he have to do that? Why did he have to rush in, acting like that stranger was trampling all over his territory? She was never his territory; she was always her own person. He respected the hell out of her for that.

Somehow he let the paramedics load her onto a stretcher. Someone stuck a needle into her arm and started an i.v. drip while someone else put an oxygen mask over her face. They were useless attempts but he didn't care anymore. He was holding onto her hand so tightly they had no choice but to allow him to get into the ambulance as well.

He leaned forward to kiss her cold forehead.

"I love you Lillian."

"I always have, I always will."

He meant every word. He had always admired her from a distance, his heart aching as he saw guy after guy pass her by and go after her best friend, the type of girl that had more flirt and flash on top of that good heart. But he never cared for that flirt or that flash; somehow those weren't the things that he felt attracted to. All he wanted was a beautiful smile and a pure, soft, heart. She had all of those things. And more.

He was so sure some other; better, guy would see that as well and sweep her off her feet. So he hung back, scared, mentally preparing himself and all the good things he'd say to her when she told him that she had a boyfriend now. That finally, she had a boyfriend.

That day never came.

But he still hung back, scared and stupid.

He had loved her. Oh how much he had loved her.

She would never know.

She would never know.

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait

Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

I love you
I loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

I love you
I loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

So far away (so far away)
Been far away for far too long
So far away (so far away)
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go

Author's Note: I was inspired after I heard Nickelback's song, "Far Away" which are the lyrics featured at the end of this story. I know this story's a bit sad, but I hope you (whoever you are) still like it. Thank you.