WARNING: YAOI, BOYS LOVE, SLASH, LEMONS (If you don't like it...then don't read it!!!)
This story is actually inspired by a song (like most of my work really). This time it was inspired by the song Shame (hence the title of this story) by The Hidden Cameras (which are an awesome band by the way).
He stood in the familiar doorway facing the familiar figure that sat in front of him. He was faced with an expression he had grown to know well, it seemed of both anger and desperation. The other said nothing but looked away from his gaze trying to ignore him.
He held his head high, knowing exactly what he wanted to say. "I love you..."
It was midnight already. He titled his head back, all he could see was the vast empty park. The only lights where the few street lights that looked like glowing yellow fireflies. It was quiet really except for the rare car driving pass now and then. He sighed a deep long breathe, the breathe he exhaled was a puff of white smoke.
Ichirou Takagi had no idea how long he been sitting on the cold wooden park bench. The last 5 hours or so had been nothing but a blur. He remember fighting with his wife and then storm clouds of anger and then somehow he had made his way to the lonesome park bench he was sitting on now. He couldn't remember much. He couldn't even remember what he was his wife was fighting about. He sighed and closed his eyes. He was tried but he didn't feel sleepy.
"Are you looking for something?"
Ichirou's eyes snapped open as he searched for where the voice was coming from. Standing next to him was a slim young man in a black jacket. "No, I am not looking for something."
"I don't believe that. You're searching for something or else then why would you be here all by yourself here at this time," the stranger said as he slipped into the seat next to Ichirou, then turned and smiled.
The boy looked like he was in his early twenties, he had nice features and a confident air to him, probably the kind of boy who was always lucky with the girls. But what caught Ichirou's attention the most was the pair of eyes that stared back at him. It was like water. They were clear and they sparkled like stars, yet even though they looked so clear and bright they looked so inexplicable and mysterious as if they held a million secrets. Those strange eyes matched with his smile, which was kind and yet to some extent insincere. Ichirou felt a shiver run down in spine.
"Something must have happened thats why you're sitting here. Problems I suppose? Problems at work? Problems with love?" Ichirou shifted involuntarily at the last remark. The young man smiled as he hit the target. "So that must be it. Problems with your loved one I suppose."
Ichirou turned to face the stranger. "Shouldn't you be going home? Aren't your parents or lover worried about you?" Ichirou didn't hide the bitterness in his voice.
"I don't live with my parents. And I don't have a lover at the moment. I live alone." He answered politely. "I don't have someone special like you."
"You don't know anything about me!" Ichirou exclaimed unable to control is growing irratation.
The young man smiled back placidly. "You're right. I don't know anything about you. But you don't know anything about me either."
Ichirou's lips formed an unforgivable frown. "What if I were a serial killer who had a thing for raping and killing young men? What would you do then?"
The man thought to himself for a moment. "If that were true than I would have to plead for my life. But if you were so deranged than even that probably wouldn't work. Then I would have to bear it as you violated me. Then afterwards you would wrap your fingers around my neck to finish me off. I would look up and smile to myself as the last image I will see before I die is a pair of dark lonesome eyes."
Ichirou was at a loss between shock and annoyance. Who was this strange young man? Where was his guy to come out from out of the blue and start prying into his private life? How could he talk to him so casually? "I'm sorry I really must be going," Ichirou exclaimed as he got up and tried and opted to walk away.
"Where are you going? Back home? Back to your wife?"
Ichirou stopped in his tracks.
"Make yourself at home."
Ichirou said nothing as he unzipped his coat. He was lead into a small living room area where he sat on a brown worn out couch. He looked around the small apartment. It was small with simple reasonable furniture nothing fancy.
"I'll be back with some drinks," the young man said.
He had no idea how he ended up going home to some strange guys house. But here was. At some strange guy's apartment. Before he had known what was happened he ended up following the young man from the park to his house.
"Would you like tea, juice or beer?" the young man shouted from the kitchen.
"Beer would be nice, thank you," Ichirou answered.
In a few minutes the young man came back with a tray holding several cans or beer and a couple glasses. He smiled as he entered the room. "Here are the drinks."
"Thank you," Ichirou manged to reply.
They sat in silence for a while as they filled their glasses with beer and drank. Ichirou knew he shouldn't have felt so at home but for some reason he felt relaxed in the presence of the strange young man. But he still couldn't shake off a question that had been haunting him for a while now. Did the young man have some kind of motive?
"So, do you make it a hobby to bring home men?" Ichirou blurted out before he could stop himself.
To his surprised the young man wasn't hurt or offended by the remark in fact he even laughed a little. "Actually I make it a hobby to get picked up by men," he answered.
Ichirou studied the young man. He couldn't tell if he was being serious or joking. But either way he didn't really care. Even though earlier the young man had annoyed him earlier it had been a long time since he felt so relaxed. He vowed to himself even if it was just this one night he would forget the rest of the world and just let himself get for once. He didn't waste anytime and filled his glass again.
"What's your name?" The young man asked politely as he smiled.
"Ichirou Takagi," Ichirou answered as he finished another glass.
"How long have you been married?"
"2 years." Ichirou answered
The young man smiled. "Your wife must be a very lucky women."
Ichirou stayed silent. Had she really been lucky to marry a guy like him? Or was it the other way around. Was it that he was lucky for marrying a women like her? Now of all times when he had consumed a couple cans of alcohol was when everything seemed more clear to him.
He loved his wife. At least he did love her. He could still remember the first day they met. He remember what he loved about her so much; her small white hands, her long black hair and her smile. It was a smile like the sun that always beamed so radiant. But those memories seemed so long ago. Why did it seem that those thing didn't exist anymore but they existed in some far off dream?
They had been happy and they had loved each other very much and because of that they thought that they had wanted to get married and eventually they did. But after that everything seemed to change. It was little things at first, the way the other said certain things or the small annoying habits the other had. But those little things had built up and eventually they had gotten to a point where they almost could no longer bear one another. They constantly fought over what always seemed like nothing.
"Why had things turned out like this?" Ichirou asked himself. " I mean I love her. I mean promised each other that we would love each other forever. Has forever already gone by without me knowing?"
Ichirou ignored the other and continued. "I mean I still remember how she used to smile. When she smiled at me I knew she loved me even if she didn't say it. She doesn't smile anymore. He only frowns. It's like a cage and it's suffocating me. I can't breathe anymore. I want to hold onto her but she's too far away and the more I run after her the farther away she gets."
The young man got up and sat next to Ichirou. He placed his hand on his cheek and smiled. "Ichirou-san," he repeated.
"I don't know. I don't know anymore. I..." Ichirou said to himself as he tried to push the other man away.
"It's alright, It's alright." the young man said as he refused to be pushed away and embraced Ichirou.
To broken to care anymore Ichirou embraced the other man back. Ichirou was surprised himself to know that he actually had this feelings. How long? How long had he been letting the fear and everything else blind him from everything?
"Ichirou-san," the young man said in a whisper. Ichirous titled his head a inch to see the face of the other man. The younger man leaned in a kissed Ichirou softly on the lips.
For split second Ichirou was surprised. But after his brief shock he was overwhelmed by feeling he never knew he had. They were of loneliness and a need, a need to be loved. He pushed down the young man on the couch and kissed him back. Letting the other man feel all the emotions he had bottled up inside.
Ichirou pulled away surprised by his own passion. "I've never done this before..."
"It's alright, Ichirou-san," he answered as he placed his arms around the other man's broad shoulders and engaged in another smoldering kiss.
Ichirou had never felt this anxious not since the first time he had made love to her wife. His hands slid themselves on the young man's waist, to his surprised the young man was quite slender he had a waist like a women.
"Wait I just remembered something," Ichirou said between pants as he tried to catch is breath. "I don't know your name."
The young man smiled his strange smile. "You can call me anything you like. Maybe Yuki? Or Akira? Do you like Kazuki? How about Sakura?" With that he pulled Ichirou into another kiss.
Ichirou felt that he was getting lost in a whirlwind of passion and lust. He didn't care anymore. He didn't care what the name of the man he was kissing. He didn't care the he was probably give or take 10 years older than the boy. He didn't care about what would happen in the morning or what would happen with his wife. The only thing that mattered right that second was what was happening then.
"Ichirou-san," the young man squeaked in an unusually high voice.
Ichirou quickly undid the boy's button and zipper. With one tug he managed to remove his underwear and pants. Ichirou discarded them and opted to admire the half-naked man in front of him. He had slim white thighs like the thighs of a women. They reminded him of his wife. The young man blushed from the scrutiny.
Without another thought Ichirou gently grabbed the two slim thighs and spread them apart. Ichirou smiled to himself as he admired the semi-erect member. He leaned in and started to adorned the other man's thighs with soft kisses, skirting and voiding the twitching member.
"Ichirou-san," the young man moaned as if to to say don't tease me.
To answer his request Ichirou wrapped his hand around the other man's length and leaned in for a soft kiss. Ichirou then opted to attack the column of white throat while his probing hand started to stroke. Ichirou felt hotter as he heard his name being repeating between moans and pants. While he stroked the other man's hard member Ichirou continued to lay careless kisses on the younger man's throat and face.
With one last cry he released in Ichirou's hand. Ichirou looked at the proof of the others release, sticky milky white substance that covered his fingers.
Before Ichirou could do anything else the younger man positioned himself on his hands and knees. "Ichirou-san," he said as an invitation.
Ichirou nodded. His probing fingers found the ring of puckered muscle, cautiously he inserted a finger. The same instant he entered he felt the other man jolt and straighten. Without further hesitation he inserted another and continued to stretch the tight opening. Even if he said nothing Ichirou knew knew that he must have been feeling some pain. The way the younger mans body twisted uncomfortably under Ichirou's touches but he refused to complain.
Eventually Ichirou managed to fit three fingers in the opening and loosen it just enough. He felt his own manhood begging to him. Giving in to his body he divested himself of his clothes and underwear. His own member impatiently waiting for the warmth of another's flesh.
He lifted the other man's legs and without any hesitation with one hard thrust he managed to enter the soft wet cavity. The man underneath him mewled. He was so tight and hot it was almost painful. Ichirou continued to push until he was completely seated in the other man. Without another thought he started moving. The slow motions emitted a new wave of moans and strange exotic yet surprisingly arousing sounds from the man underneath him.
Ichirou quickened his thrusts with drew even sharper cries from the other man. The overwhelming sensation of the warmth he felt. He hadn't felt this good for a long time. Ichirou entertained the idea of trying to remember the last time he felt so good but was quickly sidetracked as the heat and pleasure intensified. The young man moaning under him clung for dear life, his fingers desperately trying to hold on the Ichirou.
"Kiss me," the other begged him.
Granting his request Ichirou leaned in and kissed him. He felt as he was giving this unknown man he hardly a little piece of his soul. He was giving him things he would never be able to give his wife or any other living soul.
He was almost at his limit. Ichirou could feel the relief so near he could almost touch it with the tips of his fingers. It would moment where he could let everything that he had tried so hard to keep hidden inside him out. The invisible knot the always seemed to occupy a part of his soul was gone if only for a second. All he loneliness and pain he knew would he silenced for a while, even just a little while.
Ichirou moved his hips a little faster and quickened his thrusts. Just before he felt the the relief and went violent in the trembling youth beneath him he closed his eyes and for a split second fantasized that the young man he was connected to was his wife and the same second he became inside the young man his lips and tongue joined to form a single word, "Momoko."
Ichirou opened his eyes. He found himself in unfamiliar sleeping place it wasn't his own bed but a couch. Suddenly the memories of last night's passion came flooding back. It was a blur of lust, skin and kisses. Ichirou quickly scanned the walls for a clock it was already 9 o'clock in the morning. More importantly there was on sign of the strange young man he had met last night.
"You're up already, Ichirou-san?"
Ichirou looked up and saw that the man he met last night was smiling sweetly at the entrance leading to the living room. He was dressed in a green apron and the aromatic smell of food filled his nose.
"Do you want some breakfast?" he asked.
Ichirou sat up. In his embarrassment he noticed he wasn't wearing any pants. He quickly searched and found his pants in the corner of the room. He could have sworn he heard a soft giggle as he hurriedly put on his clothes and gathered his things.
"I don't think I'll have breakfast. But I...uh...well..." once again Ichirou felt embarrassed that he was unable to put his feelings into words.
The young man shook his head. "You don't have to say anything. You better be going. I bet your wife is waiting for you at home." He smiled the same kind and hollow smile as the night before.
Ichirou nodded. He made his way to the door. Before he left he turned to face the young man one last time, "Thank you," he said awkwardly, "I found what I was looking for."
Ichirou Takagi left the apartment building and made his way home.