The hour was steadily approaching and she excitedly left her dorm room and headed off to the library for her weekly visit. She finally made her way from Ellicott to Lockwood library and pushed her way past the little bars that crossed over the security gates. It was passing through this threshold that always elicited a feeling in her belly. That feeling you get when you're about to drop from the highest point of the rollercoaster to the lowest. The feeling of wild anticipation. Knowing that in a few moments you'll be enraptured in pleasure.
The elevator ride to the top floor was a kind of foreplay in her own mind. She could envision her figurative libido climbing with every passed floor. When the steel doors parted, she walked through them, past the sleeping students to the dark depths of the corners of Lockwood where no one else seemed to go.
But there she was. Waiting in the shadows for her secret lover to arrive. This girl would never admit it, but that feeling she got when she walked into the library could very easily have been compared to the feeling of love if she really knew what love was. She "loved" her boyfriend. Her friends always told her she was so lucky to have him. He had been the hottest guy in her high school and had been the one who insisted they would stay together while they went to different colleges and that eventually, they would get married and have the perfect life together. If he only knew that her perception of love was fidelity and kept promises.
The shorter, dark haired girl who waited in the corner for her every Thursday night was the most beautiful girl in the world. She was the brightest part of her week, all the while being her darkest secret. When she spotted her and walked forward, she couldn't restrain the smile that inevitably stretched across her lips or the beats of her heart that made her feel like she could die right there with Heaven standing right in front of her.
As though they were drawn together by magnets, the space between them rapidly depleted and their lips met in that first charged kiss. Each time they met, it felt like eons since they had seen each other, yet her long-distance boyfriend's kisses didn't hold a candle to this girl's. Every kiss from her secret lover flooded her body with what could only be described as ecstasy, washing away any thought of What's His Name.
While the two girls passionately kissed and caressed each other, all thought usually escaped the girl's mind, but tonight she couldn't help but feel something welling up inside of her. The feeling threatened to burst out through her throat, but she swallowed it in an attempt to keep it locked away in her heart. Finally, a voice informed them that the library was closing. It was this voice that put a sinking feeling in her heart each week as it prompted them to button down, zip up, and say their goodbyes.
As the other girl brushed a few stray hairs from her face and gave her one last kiss to conceivably keep her satisfied until the next week, the feeling that had welled up in her before finally made its way to her eyes and poured out in streams. Her lover gazed back at her with a look of concern.
"Why are you crying?" she asked softly, wiping at her tears with the edge of her sleeve.
The girl knew it was because this is what she wanted. She wanted this beautiful girl who stood in front of her to be hers seven days a week instead of just one night. She wanted to be with her everywhere instead of just the top floor of Lockwood. She wanted to marry and have the perfect life with her instead of her boyfriend. But how could she do that when something completely different was expected of her?
"I…" She took a deep breath. "I think I love you," she said. The moment the words left her lips, she knew she really did love the girl and there was no question about it. Everything that stood between them—her boyfriend, her parents, all the pressure of being something she wasn't—seemed to disappear.
Her lover stood before her and tears began to fill her own eyes. She took her hand, and they walked home together, their fingers intertwined for all to see.