This is a one-shot out of which I am thinking to make full story. This would be the proloque...

This one-shot is from the guy's point of view. (The story would be in third person narrator, but with the main to only focus on the girl)

I hope you enjoy and tell me if you want the full story...


You ask me if I have always loved you. How am I supposed to answer that when I don't even remember the first time I saw you?

My mother said, I was three month old back than and you just a few days. They would have brought me earlier to you but I had a slight cold and wouldn't stop crying for days. My mother liked to tell me that I stopped crying once I saw you but that isn't true. I screamed ceaselessly. I hollered so loud that your mother kicked us out of the room – we gave her a headache.

How do I know that if I don't remember? Your father told me.

You look surprised. Is it so surprising, that we would talk, he and I, before?

But that isn't the matter right know. My mother was partly right, after all, I stopped crying once we left the room.

I don't remember the first time I saw you nor do I recall the times after. But I still remember the moment when I first noticed you - really noticed.

You sat in that little sandbox you had in your courtyard when we still lived in the center of Philly.

You weren't any older than four, five at the most and your braids were tousled.

I still remember to have thought that you would be in trouble later on for Nanna had taken so much time that morning to braid those little, colorful ribbons in your rebellious curls.

You were so immersed in your play and I was angry at you. Because my brother hadn't had any time for me that day and now I was forced to play with some stupid girl.

You laugh but it is true.

It bucked me that you wouldn't notice me and I silently approached the sandbox. To play you a prank of some kind or another - I don't know anymore.

You had a butterfly on the palm of your hand it was so big in comparison to your small fingers. It sat in total silence and so did you. It was as if you both were in some kind of trance.

This butterfly was so beautiful much more colorful than your ribbons and it shimmered in the sun. I had never seen anything more magnificent in my life.

I still remember how I asked myself why you wouldn't catch it, the bucket was right next to you. Didn't you want to keep something so beautiful.

You didn't notice me that day.

At one time or another the butterfly began to flutter with it's wings and flew away. You just watched it go without moving. I thought just how stupid you must be to let it go.

But it didn't leave me alone. I couldn't understand you and that fascinated me.

It's an idle thought to ask oneself if I fell in love with you in that moment.

How can a five year old boy love when his whole world still turns solely around himself?

But I couldn't keep you out of my mind and I found myself being close to you time and time again. I think it was then that I started being protective of you.

You had this natural talent wind up in trouble. Or the trouble found you. I don't know. I suppose this is one of the many secrets I'll never figure out. So I made it my habit to get you out of your predicaments. It irritated you, I know. You have always been independent.

But I didn't want to risk that anything would wipe out this look, which I had seen in you eyes when you let go of the butterfly.

It was mine, you were mine. For I didn't know how to let go. I still don't.

You shake your head, but it is true. I don't have clue how to let go of you. You are like a drug, addicting.

And it was back then, that I became hooked, slowly but surely, and there was nothing I could do against it. I was always there but I suppose you never really noticed it.

You had your friends as I had mine. But always, somehow, my mind returned to you as did my gaze no matter if it was in the schoolyard or at one of our homes.

It was not long ago that you compared us to the sun and the moon. We coexist, you said, but we never touch. Maybe you were right for the moon always yearns for the sun and chases her over the firmament without ever catching her.

So I watched you, unseen.

And then it became dark. It was as if a heavy, dark curtain had fallen over my life, my mind, when my mother died.

You say that was only natural I was in a state of shock.

But my world wasn't fully black. There was a light, small but persistent. Your were that light. Don't make such a face, I know it sounds corny.

But I all of sudden I understood back than, what you meant to me. And it scared me, it scared the hell out of me.

I was a twelve year old boy who had just lost his mother under, well, terrible circumstances. I didn't know shit about love, nor about its meaning. The only love I had ever experienced was my adoration for music. And there was this girl, who had been there since forever. Who had me worried shitless because she always seemed to wind up in trouble. And now I was supposed to love her? What if you would leave me? What if, one day, I wouldn't be able to help you? I had loved my mother and I hadn't been able to save her.

Don't look at me that way I know I was only twelve years old but that is beside the point.

You can't imagine how scared I was.

I thought if I would keep you away from me nothing would happen to you, nothing would happen to me. It's absurd I know, but I couldn't think strait back then.

My feelings were running amok on me I had to lock them away. I just had to. I know it frustrated you to no end.

It is quite paradox that the further I push you away the closer you come to me.

And still I couldn't stop myself from protecting you and somehow, I guess, I hated you for that. Because I just didn't seem to be able to get away from you or to want to.

And when you finally got close enough that I was unable to push you away anymore I simply drowned in you.

You ask me, if I have always loved you.

But how can a three month old baby love? How can a five year old boy or a twelve year old? How for that matter can an eighteen year old?

And still I know that I can't keep away from you and never could, never will. That you are my light in the dark. My world around witch I turn endlessly. I know it sounds corny but that is just the way it is.

I love you I think in a way I always did.


AN. I hope you liked it. I know it is a bit confusing. But it is designed as a proloque and is supposed to leave more than a few questions open.

So do you want ton know what it tis all about?

Please review.

I-think-therefore-I-am