Misunderstandings

12-2-06

one shot

"Brother.." I said standing in front of him. His light golden hair reflected the moonlight. His green eyes looked up at me in worry. I stood next to him while he sat on the bed.

"Brother… i.."

"What is it, brother?" he asked timidly. He had always been the shy one. He had always been second best to me. his grades were lower, his skills were lower. And everyone saw him as a low being. But I saw him for who he was.

"I… I need to tell you something." My blue eyes looked down at my shoes. I felt guilty about everything. Even our father loved me more than him. Life hasn't been fair to him. Not at all.

"What? Is something wrong?"

"Brother… I-" but my mouth was dry. After all this time. Why was I afraid to tell him now?

"I... I…brother I love you!" I yelled to the floor. I was scared of how he would react. The silence only worried me more. I looked up slowly and saw him smiling.

"Of course you do, silly. We're brothers."

Damn. He didn't understand.

"No… I love you more than brothers."

"What do you mean?" he questioned tilting his head to the side. I approached him cautiously. I was scared of his reaction. He believed in god. It was all he had in this world. His beliefs and me. But I knew his beliefs said gay love is a sin.

I delicately lifted his chin. I leaned my head in and kissed him lightly on the lips. I felt his gasp. I pulled away and saw the horrified look on his face. Surprise mixed with disgust. I saw it in his eyes. It was hatred.

My heart fell into my stomach and I felt like I was going to be sick. I grabbed my stomach. His eyes began to well up with tears. Everyone liked me better then him. But I liked him better then everybody. I wanted to make his pain go away.

So I did the unthinkable

I kiss him again. Harder this time. Because I needed something from him. I wanted him so bad it hurt. I wanted him to love me too. I fell to my knees and my arms wrapped around his neck and waist and I pulled him to me.

I pulled him on top of me on the floor of his room. He didn't move. He was either frozen in shock or was confused. I didn't know how to react either. I let go of his lips and looked at his beautiful face.

His tears dripped down onto my face and slid off my cheeks. It hit me. I knew he was choosing god over me. I let go of him and let my arms fall to the floor.

"I- I'm sorry big brother" he whispered. "I… I can't." I sighed and began to feel the tears appear in my eyes as well.

"I know…I know…" I pulled him tight against my chest and he lay there. Both of us sad.

"One more time?" I asked hopefully. He looked me in the eye and smiled. The smile I wanted so bad to keep all for myself. Then it faded as quickly as it had come. He just looked hurt and in great pain.

"Ok." He said. Though I barely heard him say it. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine.

The room door opened. Light filled the room. My brother quickly snapped his head up to look at the doorway. I looked too.

Our dad.

"You fagot! You fucking homo! You're no son of mine!" he screamed at my brother. Our dad ran off into the living room.

"Dad, wait!" I shouted as my brother jumped off me and a second flow of tears streamed from his eyes.

"Fucking fucker!" I heard my dad scream, running back to the room.

My brother stood and tried to run to the doorway, to escape what neither of us had expected.

A gunshot.

"Ah!" I screamed in horror as my little brother's body fell to the ground in the doorway.

My eyes were wide and I didn't believe what I was seeing. Blood leaked from the bullet wound in my brother's forehead. My dad approached the door and looked in at me.

"That fucking fag. Are you ok, son? I knew that other son of mine was no good. You're the pride and joy of this family. You wouldn't have done anything like this. You're not a fagot like your brother." He laughed.

I stared at him in horror. My brother was dead. Because I told him I loved him. Because I asked him to do me one last favor.

Tears gushed out of my eyes. Blurring the image.

"Brother??" I crawled toward his body.

"Brother!??!" I put his head in my lap and my tears stained his cold pale face. My eyes widened even more. He was dead.

"Brother!!!!!!!!!" I shouted. My dad chuckled.

Dead. For me. My entire fault. He's dead. I screamed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"