"You don't have to say anything, Jen. I know that you are with Guy now and you must love him very much." He told my, still not looking at me.
And that's when it hit me. The reason why he never did anything at the formal.
It was because he had heard that there was something going on between me and Guy already and he didn't want to jeopardise that.
"Tom…if you really were…if you really felt something for me, why did you keep apologising? Why not just tell the truth?" I asked him, finding that my voice too only came out in a soft whisper, my emotions continuing to toss and turn.
"Because I know that sometimes the truth hurts to tell…right, Jen?" And now he was looking right into my eyes again. Actually, more like boring right into my very soul with such intensity, I shivered.
And you know what? He was absolutely right.
"I knew that you wanted to keep your identity a secret and I guess…as I realised that you and Guy were getting closer…telling you the truth wouldn't help at all. You are a good friend, Jen and the last thing I wanted to do was get you more hurt or confused."
Why was it that my eyes were starting to sting?
"Then…then why tell me now? Why write what you did in the book…and give me that kind of book in the first place?" I asked him, voice starting to get choked up.
He was looking away again as he said, "I guess because as I thought about it, I realised that you being a celebrity…it meant that you can make a difference…have the power to have a say…change the world. Even though it may hurt you being a celebrity sometimes…it can also be such a blessing."
I have no idea why, but that was exactly when I started crying. Not loud, mournful crying, but the crying where tears continued to roll down my eyes without me having any control over them.
"Tom…I…" And again, he was so right. I suddenly realised why I felt so hollow…because all I had been thinking so much about was myself…mourning over this and that and this and that when…when I did have the power to make a difference. "I'm…so sorry…for everything."
Tom looked at me and shook his head slowly, "Don't cry, Jen…and don't be sorry. I should have never kissed you in the first place."
A small smile came to my lips. "So you weren't really in love with Holly Williams?"
He shook his head. "Never was. I mean…it was fun playing a kid and everything, you know? And by the way, you are and awesome actress and do have an amazing voice, but you were, to me, only a celebrity. I loved what you did, but I could never love Holly for who she was. Because I didn't know her as who she was."
"…but you knew me…" I murmured.
He caught me in the depths of his gaze once again. "Yeah, I know you…and I loved you…because of your inside that shone through."
Tom was quoting the end of the movie.
The end words which meant so much to me.
"Why would you love me, Jen, Tom? All I am is…normal…boring."
"You? Boring? Never." He said with such honesty, I felt my heart melting.
And that was when…
"Holly, are you crying?" Guy put his arm affectionately around me and looked at me with concern in his eyes.
I smiled at him. "I'm okay, Guy. Really, I am."
And really, I was. I really was okay…except for the fact that my heart was pounding, my thoughts swirling around in a mass and my emotions sweeping back and forth in confusion. But other than that, I really was okay.
"Holly, there really is something wrong. I know you well enough to know that."
Guy was still watching me as we sat in the limousine, going home from the premier party.
I looked at him and drew in a deep breath. One thing I had learnt from Tom that night was that honesty was the best policy. And if Guy and I were to continue together, I had to be honest with him…even if it meant him not loving me anymore.
But right then…did I really love him?
That was the question.
I silently watched his face, handsome features shadowed in the night and hazel eyes seeming to glow as he watched me.
One thing was that Guy had always been honest with me. And seeing that I had wished Tom had told me the truth from the beginning, I should be telling him the truth now. But besides the fact that I was Jen, what was the truth? About my feelings, that is.
Tom had made my feelings toss and turn once again with the revelation that he had always felt something for me…and obviously did care for me even though I had never really thought about it at all.
But just because he loved me, did I love him back?
There were so many beautiful memories that he and I had had together…and all those feelings I had when I saw him and was with him. What did they all mean? Did I feel the same way?
It was amusing…in a morbid way…that I only wondered if I liked him back after he professed his feelings for me.
But truth was…he never, ever treated me with the care that Guy treated me.
But then again, Guy did not know that I was also Jen…or that I had been not telling him the whole truth all this time while he had always been completely honest with me. And I did definitely feel something strong for him. Something special.
"I…Guy…there's something I need to tell you."
And as he held me in his arms and looked straight into my eyes, I told him everything. Absolutely everything. From the fact that I had always had this guise so that I could run away from the press and so people would treat me as normal – just like Maya – and even about what happened between Tom and I and my confusion about him.
Honestly, I thought after I told him about that especially, that he might tell me that he thought we should not be together, but instead, he did something I never expected…
He looked me deep in my eyes and then bent down and kissed me on the lips gently, holding my neck with his big hands.
I marvelled at the fact that his lips tasted so sweet – of apple – and that he kissed me so softly…so respectfully…so lovingly. My knees felt like jelly and my heart seemed to jump, turning inside out as he kissed me and I kissed him back.
After a long moment which I hoped would never end, our lips parted and he rested his forehead on mine as he looked right at me and said, "Holly…Jen…I don't care what your name is or whether you're a famous singer/actress or a person who is not famous at all. I thought you already knew that I was at first friends with you and then your boyfriend because I love you for who you are. Everything that I said in that movie as Kelvin, I meant every word about you too, my love…every single word."
His words warmed my heart, making butterflies go crazy in my stomach as a smile came across my face before I started to cry, letting all my emotions, pain, hurt, confusion wash away with those wet drops as he held me in his arms, my chest again his warm body. I listened to his heart pound steadily, comforting me as I cried.
Cried at the fact that someone would love me so, so much.
Someone like Guy Crest.
The most amazing guy in the whole, whole world.
Not being biased or anything, of course.
"Thank you."The little African boy looked up at me meekly and gave me a little piece of wood on which was a painting of what I guessed was me surrounded by little African boys and girls.
I smiled, bent down and hugged the boy. "You're welcome."
Standing up, I watched him beam up at me before running to his family, all dressed in new clothes and holding boxes of food.
In their some village centre was a well along with the construction of a school and a small doctor's house.
An arm snaked around my waist and I beamed up at Guy who hugged me back again his side.
"Isn't this so wonderful?" I whispered to Guy who nodded and bent over and kissed me on the cheek.
"Amazing." He answered me.
He then turned around and some of the African men started talking to our translator who asked for Guy. Guy then gave me an apologetic look and told me that they wanted to show him how they hunted and if I would be okay for a little while alone. I gave him a sarcastic look then shooed him off before walking towards the small hut we were given to live in temporarily.
I sat on my bedroll and reached into my pocket, pulling out a small white envelope, licking my lips.
This letter had come with Mike when he came to visit and see how we all were…and I knew exactly who it was from.
With anticipation, I opened it and read the neat handwriting inside.
I'm so glad that you and Guy are helping the African children and their families who are living in poverty to get a better life. It's being really well received here and even though some people think it's just a publicity stunt, I know better.
Tiff and I have finally graduated and are now out in the real world, earning a sum of money which would soon seeing us being a proper first hand care (finally!). Lara, of course, is still in uni as she's doing law and will be out next year.
We're all really happy and especially happy to know that you're doing great.
I'm glad that when you finally told the world that you had a hidden identity, the world accepted you – just as Guy did – and did not come chasing after you or make fun of you. We all admired you for what you did and the brave steps you made to make yourself heard – not for the better of yourself but for the better of those who need a helping hand.
Because that's what we should all be doing, right? Using the blessings we are given to bless others. And I'm so glad that you are doing at. You are an example to all of us.
I'll always be your friend and no matter where you go or what you're doing, you'll always be in our hearts because we – me, Lara and Tiff – know you as not only the pop star on the front cover of a magazine but the person that is inside of you too. And we love you for that.
Keep up with what you're doing and will be in contact with you soon.
Your friend for life,
A tear pricked in my eye as I folded the letter again and put it back into it's envelope, looking out the small, open window of the hut and looking out at the blue sky, soft, white clouds scudding across it, making it look beautiful. Just as life was. When you were helping others with your true love and when you knew that people loved you not only for what you did or what you had but for who you are.
Because that was what counted, right?
I guess my mum was right when she told me fifteen years ago that I would have a hidden identity. Even though I came to discover that honesty was the best policy, having a hidden identity helped shape me into the person that I was today.
And who was I today?
The happiest girl I could be. And even when life served its ups and downs, I would still take them on with the inner joy of being who I was deep inside.
Thank you so much for sharing this journey with me. I really enjoyed writing this story and i hope you enjoyed reading it too. Thanks especially to Charitha for your continual support and reviews and Kid in Converse for your constructive reviews which really helped me with writing the later chapters and also to everyone else who read followed the story! Your reading it is what keeps me going! And it feels so awesome when one finishes a story :)
For a quick note, this will be the last story i write on fictionpress for awhile. Thank you again for reading what i write and i wish you all the best in your own writing or in whatever else you do. And always remember that no matter what, it's what's inside that counts :)