My Masochistic World

My world has no sunlight,

No stars to light up the blackness,

No moon to guide me home again.

Just a blackness that wraps around me

Like a sinister, heavy cloak

Of pain.

---------------------

The sun is too afraid to show its face,

So dark is the demon lurking in my soul.

It seems to suck the light from my world,

Digging its sin infested claws into my happiness,

Poisoning my being with hatred for myself,

For those I love.

-------------------------

On the outside I shed no tears,

Smile through the storm of pain.

While inside my heart screams in agony,

My soul cries black tears of blood

As a part of me burns to gray ashes

Blown away by the laughter

Of my darker side.

----------------------

I turn upon the innocent,

Upon the light trying to enter my world,

Keeping it at bay while silently longing,

Longing for an end.

----------------------

I hate you.

I love you with all my heart.

-----------------------

I don't need your help.

Help me, please.

-------------------------

You don't care about me or love me.

You love and care about me more than anyone.

-------------------------

You've never done anything for me.

You'd give your life to see me smile.

-------------------------

Hurt me.

Hold me, make the pain go away.

-------------------------

I deserve to be alone.

I want you in my life.

-------------------------

Don't comfort me.

Hug me and dry my tears.

-------------------------

While I scream and rage,

Fight to extinguish the light,

My soul thrashes, breaks, bleeds,

Cries out silently for salvation,

Freedom.

----------------------

No matter how hard I fight,

The light continues to beckon

Flickering in the enfolding darkness,

Struggling bravely, patiently

Waiting.

----------------------

My world pauses

And in my moment of freedom,

I reach desperately for the light.

I feel myself falling back,

But the light snakes around my wrist,

Grips me tightly, pulling me out

Of my world of agony.

-----------------------

Free of the invisible black chains,

The dams break.

My soul bleeds from my eyes

In large, salty drops of sorrow

While the light embraces me,

Mending my ripped soul

And stitching the broken seams

Of my fragile heart

With love.