On Barney

There are many Barneys in the media. The well-know being Barney Rubble, Barney the Purple Dinosaur and my favorite, Barney the first Scotty. Who is Barney and why is he called the first Scotty?

Quite frankly, the first Scotty is the title of President Bush's foremost Scottish terrier. Miss Beazley, naturally is the second Scotty, a title not nearly so cool, but at least she had a part in Barney's Christmas extravaganza-which is more than I had, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this rather ridiculous essay.

Perhaps it is my bitterness that urges me to write this essay on the rather theocratic manner with which President Bush runs our state-wait, today's a Saturday? Then I must not write anything particularly serious!

But back to Barney…He is so cute-Dolly Pardon will testify to this! If she wants a roll in the Christmas Extravaganza, shouldn't we all?

I'll admit it; I had to wonder where the dickens was Scooter Libby. After all, they put Karl Rove in the picture and Scooter is twice as photogenic! I mean, Karl is missing half of his hair and Scooter has that great nickname "Germ Boy".

But back to Barney…didn't that great red ribbon totally accentuate his glossy black coat. Poor Miss Beazley didn't even get a choke chain. I guess it goes to show how much it blows to be Second Scotty.

Now what kind of insensitive jerk would pull the Secretary of Education away from the crucial task of reforming our dying education system to dance with Karl Rove? The very idea makes my blood run hot.

Other than being a little slow paced, there was one thing I had to say about Barney's acting skills. He is too stiff in front of a camera. I can tell you for a fact that not even the most spoiled of dogs will look at a ginger bread house and walk away without at least taking a chomp out of it.

So put your hands together for good old Barney, he's not anorexic, hasn't been to rehab and the farthest his movies will go is to the internet.

Warning: This essay is a perfect example of how not write an essay. Written entirely on a whim all my information comes directly from Wikipedia. Don't sue and have a happy Holiday!