In Which We Attempt to Open

(A man in a dated black tailcoat and bow tie walks onto a bare stage with a large book in his arms.)

Narrator: Don't you just hate…well, don'tcha? (looks around the audience for laughs) In Kohlomere's fabulous commentary on human relations we all can feel a pang of sympathy for our leading actress-Kathy.

(A tall and very flat-chested girl in a tie-dye sarong and love beads walks onto the stage, one hand in front of her eyes to block the harsh stage lights. She walks over to the narrator and takes a seat on the floor.)

Narrator: What the hell are you doing Kathy?

Kathy: I need to find my center.

Narrator: Ahem…center stage is a foot away to the left.

Kathy: Not that center-my spiritual center.

Narrator: Of course, how stupid of me.

Kathy: (covering her ears with her hands, giving the audience a good glimpse at her very hairy armpits) AHH! Negativity! You're making me lose my center!

Narrator: Couldn't you have found your center before you came on stage?

Kathy: But my co-stars were being as bad as you. Now I need absolute silence so that I can find my center and give a Tony-worth performance.

(An arm from the right wing of stage motions for the narrator to come closer. They whisper to each other for a few moments. His book taken away, the narrator goes to the center edge of the stage.)

Narrator: Now if you'll excuse us, ladies and gents, we're having a bit of technical difficulties. Hows 'bout we take a five-ten minute break to straighten things out and in the mean time you guys can whisper loudly about our crappy set? Thank you, don't go away now!

(The curtain falls and Kathy's feet can be seen moving behind the curtain)