I believe that we're all on some path in life. We're all walking along, choosing where we go, choosing which path we take. Sometimes the path we want to take is blocked and we take a detour into some unknown.
And sometimes we get lost.
I have a friend who got lost. She traveled off of her path. There's nothing I want more than to steer her back, but I'm afraid that means getting lost as well. What if I can't find my way back?
I miss her. I really do. I see her everyday, and yet it's not her. It's like its somebody's masquerading as her, and I wish that was what it was. The pain of having to tell myself that it is in fact her is immense. I hate having to do that.
Have you ever seen the movie "Girl, Interrupted" or read the book? Well, I was always confused about Susanna saying Lisa was dead. I never got it. But now I see it. I see it because my friend is dead.
She wasn't always this way. If she had been, I don't think I ever would have made friends with her. She was completely different when I first met her, but now... Now I don't know her. I really don't.
When I first met her she was sweet, kind, a little quiet perhaps. Really shy, but once she got to know you, she was really outgoing and fun. She was always funny, and adorable, like she'd never actually grown up. She was her own person, and did things because she wanted to do them.
Now all she wants to do is be cool. Ever since we hit high school that's all she's been about. Being cool. She doesn't do things because she wants to. She does them to be cool. She cuts classes all the time, does drugs a lot, and smokes. I don't know how much she smokes, but I know she does.
And she lies. God, does she lie. Not "Did you break the lamp?", "No, of course" type lies. No, I mean "yeah, I'm cool" lies. She fucking pretends to be bisexual for crying out loud! It's really sad. There's this fad going around where we live that it's cool for girls to be bi cause guys think it's hot, so suddenly she's all over women. It's not that bisexuality gets to me, on the contrary I'm very passionate for non-heterosexual rights. It's that she's *not* bisexual!
The really sad part is, what if her girlfriend really is? What if she's just being used so my friend can look cool? What then? How many people will she hurt for the sake of being cool?
It is with a heavy heart that I acknowledge that I can never stray off of my path to save her. Even if I could, she wouldn't listen. It's like they say : ignorance is bliss. She appears to be happy. I suppose that's all that matters. Just as long as she's happy, everything's fine.