To Whom It May Concern:

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house

That don't bother me

I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in awhile

Even though going on. .with you gone still upsets me

There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay.

- Rascal Flatts: "What Hurts the Most"


Drip. Drip. Drip.

It was the soft pitter-patter of rain drops against the old roof that used to soothe the depression in my soul. Now? It does unsettle me to the uttermost degree, but I can handle it. There are other matters in life -- this I can tolerate. Days and nights like these -- its a wonder I haven't gone mad. Sometimes I have to walk down to the beach and continuously look around -- searching for you -- I have to reassure myself that you're gone.

Do you remember our "spot" by the docks?

I often find myself sitting there in the darkness, beneath the docks -- simply sitting in the sand. Waiting for you. Listening to the sound of the ocean as the waves crash against the wooden beams, promising to return -- always.

Remember our promise?

I remember. It's funny how I believed you, right? I mean, everyone told me to forget you. That you didn't keep promises to anyone -- and that I was no exception to that rule. I didn't want to believe it -- but, now and here. . I kinda guess I have to.

And here I am still waiting. Your promise wasn't as true -- as the ocean's was to the shore.

Sometimes when I'm here beneath the docks I can hear your voice -- if I close my eyes at the right time and strain to hear it. I know it's silly -- but, you don't even realize how much it helps me some days. I know by telling you that -- youll laugh or make fun of me for it. Usually, I'd pout over that. But, you know. . I'd welcome anything from you right about now.

I'm waiting for your return -- desperately.

I guess it's my illusion that if I sit beneath the docks -- on the shore -- that just like the ocean's wave keeps it promise; That somehow -- just being in this spot -- will make you keep your promise, too. I have to keep some sort of hope alive. You may not have thought much of yourself, and neither did anyone else. But, to me. . you were everything.


"No! You can't leave! You said you'd never leave me here. .."

"Something came up. You know how these things happen.."

"But, you can't leave me! N--not now. You can't!"

"Trevor. .I'll come back."

"No. .you won't."

"I promise."


Everyone tells me that I'm only hurting myself by keeping that fantasy alive. But, I remember falling to my knees and I remember you falling down with me and holding me. That meant a lot to me. I never expected you to do that for me. I figured if you were willing to hold me, you'd surely keep your promise. But, now. . .Now I'm really starting to question my own hope.


"As long as you promise."

"I just did."

"I k--know."

"Well? Stop balling like a little girl already."

"You're such a jerk. . ."

"You love me anyway."

"Yeah. I love you anyway."


You never said you loved me back. I never expected you to do that, either. It was enough that you let me love you -- that was pretty cool of you. I didn't think you let people that close to you. But, you did. At least I thought you did. I'm sorry that I wasn't good enough to make you stay. I hope you can forgive me for not being good enough.

It's been countless months and not a word from you.

I know that I should stop waiting on you. I know you know I know that. I don't mean to worry anybody. I know they just want to help, but it's hard enough knowing and accepting you're not coming back on my own. I don't need everyone else reminding me all the time. It hurts to accept it -- but, it hurts even more to hear everyone I know tell me, "I told you so." I wish they were wrong about you, Jake. I wish I could tell them with utter confidence that they're wrong. But, all the facts point me elsewhere.

I miss you.

I suppose that it's about time that I stopped coming here -- to our place. All it holds for me now are memories. Memories that're way too painful for me to remember, when I know that I can't have you. Not anymore. It's just too damn hard to try and keep my hope alive when there's no reason behind it. I loved you. . .and I probably always will. Maybe not like I do now, but I'll always love you.

"Promises are like hearts. They're meant to be broken."

I remember. . .you told me that once. Remember how I argued with you? How I insisted that they were words from the heart -- they werent sealed in blood -- but, they were the next most powerful thing in relation to it. You called me a girl, and then you punched me. Promises may not mean anything in your world, but to the rest of us -- its all we've got.

You and I -- they were right. We're just too different.

The Jake I used to know. . .he would never prove anyone right, only wrong. But, I guess I never knew you. I don't know what to think anymore. I've heard so many things and I'm starting to believe them. We were best friends, ya know. And, then so much more. But, you broke your promise and my heart. Congratulations. You got what you wanted.

This is goodbye.

I'm tired of waiting and hoping and longing for something that I'm never going to have. You're not coming back. And by writing this letter, I've accepted that. I'm sorry that I loved you, and that I let you in. Because, I know that you did neither of those things for me. You didn't let me in, Jake. . .all you did was push me away. Without a doubt -- I know you didn't love me. You couldn't. In fact; I think you're incapable of doing so. The truth hurts. It really does. All I was to you. . .was just some kid, right? Some kid who was a good fuck from time to time.

There's nothing left for me to say to you.

Don't you ever come back, Jake.

I'm through waiting for you.

Goodbye.

- Trevor -