Children: bleed all your dreams from raw-red wrists and cry all your wishes into baby food jars. Save these jars forever, under beds and in attics; take them out every sometimes just to remember that you had dreams, you had wishes…once.

IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

Children: carve the standards your parents have set for you into the skin of your thigh so you never forget. Forgetting will leave you homeless, unemployed, and hungry-your parents are always right.

IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

Children: if someone tells you that you'll never amount to anything, they are most likely right. Attempting to prove them wrong will only result in unnecessary stress-just accept it and move on to whatever nothing there is left for you.

IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

Children: believe everything you read. Everything you see on television. The world will not lie to you. Buy what you see on commercials and dress how the movie stars dress. Show some skin, flash a smile. If you're beautiful, the world will not lie to you.

IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

Children: smoke your pot and drink your beer, have your sex in the too-small backseats of your cars. Your parents did. In doing so you'll learn that true confidence comes from mutual substance abuse and that after-sex cigarette.

IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

Children: write poetry on the walls of bathroom stalls and in the marble notebooks you buy for fifty cents at the drug store along with your over-the-counter hangover remedies and pregnancy tests.

Write a little louder, and the world might hear your bullshit.

Talk a little sweeter, and they might care.