(Decisions I)

Walking around, waiting

La la la...

"Hey, aren't you worried?"

I opened my eyes, snapping out of thought at Sal's tone of voice. She glared, obviously impatient for an answer. Instead of responding, I gave her a puzzled look and she sighed in exasperation. "Listen, we've been wandering the mall for hours, we haven't spent a single penny, it's Christmas in two days and you are still clueless."

I tilted my head slightly, "about... what?"

Sal's eyes widened at the reply, she reached forward to knock my head smartly. "Hello? Is anybody home? What do you mean 'about what?', seriously, have you lost your senses?"

Sniffing sheepishly, I warded her fist away. "Of course I haven't lost my senses." Pausing, I took a quick glance at the crowd rushing along, busy preparing for the upcoming holiday. Children laughing, adults carrying shopping bags, and happy couples searching for the perfect gifts for each other.

Suddenly, I felt a bit envious.

"I just, need to think first."

Sal raised an eyebrow. "Don't you think it's a little late to be thinking?" She said evenly, and before i could respond she added, "let's keep moving, instead of standing around like roadblocks."

"No, it's never too late to think things over." I began once we blended into the flow of the crowd. "And besides, I think I've changed my mind about-"

"Again?" Sal interrupted, waving a hand at me like she was swatting a fly. "My goodness, when will you ever make up your mind? I swear, this indecisiveness of yours is a disease."

"Will you please listen?" I asked tightly, putting an edge into my tone. Sal simple sighed and waited. "Thank you. Look, i just don't think it's a good idea anymore."

"Was it ever a good idea to begin with?" Sal muttered.

"No..." With a sinking feeling in my heart, I looked away. "I don't need to seek that kind of pain again. Not now especially." Sal opened her mouth to speak, but when the words didn't come out she quickly closed it and just looked troubled.

The mall is an incredible sight during the holidays, it always seems to light up, not only from all the decorations but from the heightened spirit of those walking its premises. The joyous feel intoxicates the air, and people hurry along to buy presents for those they cherish most.

All I need for Christmas is you...

"So... You're not going to, then?" Sal finally said after her short silence. She flexed her hand and examined her fingers, then looked back at me. "Even though, you're obviously the one wanting something to begin."

Absently biting my lip, I could feel my deep resolve crack slightly. "Nothing will being, nothing has begun before, so why will it now?"

"Well, I don't know. But I do know that you'll never find out unless you try." She lowered her voice and glared at me. "You can't expect to trick him into reading your mind."

At that, the wall of concrete resolve crumpled into dust.

I sighed, " I guess... I'll think about it."

"Disease, indeed." Sal shook her head and laughed. "Now, are we going to walk around and window shop all day?"

"Nope." I answered with a smile as I linked arms with her, "let's go do some serious buying."