I was such a bitch.

I was a bitch because there was a certain art to picking up guys in a jewelry store, and I was the master of it. No one ever thinks of looking for guys in a jewelry store, because, well, how many guys do you know that spend much time in jewelry stores? The thing is though, there ARE guys in jewelry stores, they're just all taken. Guys go into jewelry stores all the time to buy things for their girlfriends.

The trick of it all is learning how to read each guy you see. Not every guy is buying something for his "girlfriend", so the ones wearing wedding bands, or who are old and gross, and the ones buying engagement rings are eliminated immediately. Then you have to start looking a little more closely. The guys buying rings, are a little more attached than most. They can be a challenge and you will most likely fail. This leaves us with the necklace and bracelet seekers. Two very interesting breeds. The necklace buyer tends to be more attached to their significant other than those purchasing bracelets. The way I look at it, it all has to do with the jewelry's placement on the body. A necklace is worn much closer to the heart. Plus, let's face it, a necklace gets a whole lot more wear than a dumb old bracelet. This is not an exact science, however, and this is the part where you have to look closely at the person purchasing the said necklace or bracelet instead of just the piece itself. Some guys just really don't get it, and they buy the bracelet.

Anyway, you're probably getting all confused wondering why you would look for guys in a jewelry store, especially since the first thing I know about them is that they are "taken." Well, this is the bitchy part, it doesn't matter that their taken because only the truly good catches go out and buy their significant others elaborate jewelry. They themselves probably can't understand what makes jewelry so great, but they buy it anyway because they know she'll love it. Here is where you will find the good catches, and if you pay attention to detail, you will find the great ones. The great ones are the ones that aren't just buying a necklace or a ring or a bracelet, but that actually know what they are doing. The great ones actually have taste, and they'll probably be buying something you were already lusting over after last week.

Currently, I was watching a twenty-something in straight-leg jeans and a baggy green sweater buy this white gold ring that I had had my eye on for ages, but that no one had ever bought. The ring was a bunch of vine-like strands and had leaves along the top-side of it. I was at a case across from him making my observations. He had chestnut colored hair that curled just a little bit at the edges, and warm, dark brown eyes. All this was accompanied by a very acceptable lean build and….some…golf shoes? Well, he had more counting for him than against. I was torn. A ring-buyer was a challenge, and even though I was the master, I had yet to land one. I watched him a while longer, trying to decide if he was some actor just starting out his career. No, his girlfriend was an actress, and he simply worked in a coffee shop downtown, for now. The ring wasn't really an engagement-type ring, but who knew with actors? Maybe he was buying it as congratulation for winning the part of Rosalind. There was some connection with woods I think, but I'm really not all that up on my Shakespeare.

I decided that over all, it as worth my risk.

"Can I help you find something sir?"

(Oh, did I mention I work here? Yeah, that's pretty much why I'm the master of all this. I get lots of practice.)

"What? Oh. I was looking for a birthday gift for my mom, she's a botanist and I thought maybe she'd like this vine-looking ring right here."

(Ohh, so it was his mom. I guess I pegged that one wrong. All the better for me.)

"Well it sounds very fitting to me. Do you know if she prefers white gold or yellow gold? Or maybe she likes silver or platinum?"

"All I really know is she can't stand the color gold, she says it reminds her of Ancient Egypt and she always hated learning about that in school. She always told me it was such a shame that a few weeks of history in high school had forever ruined a whole branch of jewelry to her."

(You have to love a guy that actually listens to a woman when she talks.)

"Well it sounds like you know what you're doing then. I think this is a beautiful piece and I'm sure she'll love it. Should I take it out for you?"

"Yeah, I guess I'll be getting her that one then, if you think it's a good idea too."

"I'll ring you up then, just right over here. Um. I know this is a little forward, but would you like to go get coffee sometime? You could tell me how you're mother liked the gift"

"I would love to…


"But I can't"


"Oh, well I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable I just…"

(Great, he wasn't even buying the ring for a girlfriend and I still failed. Now here I am stuttering like an idiot and…. why is he grinning like that?)

"You see I can't get coffee with you because I'm allergic to it. Green tea however, is one of my favorite things in the world."

"...Oh. I guess we could go get some tea…then?"

"Yeah, that'd be great. I just need you to give me your number, and maybe my receipt in case my mom turns out to truly despise this."

"Right, just a second."

So, it had begun. I had never ever heard of someone being allergic to coffee, and he was such a smartass. Still, I was looking forward to that phone call, and even the tea (and I really can't stand tea).

A/N: This was randomly inspired when I was walking by a jewelry store and saw a guy about my age in there. It was weird to me because I haven't even ever been in a jewelry store before. Then this whole cynical sort of thing just started piling up in my head. I hope you enjoyed!