Dear Diary,

I can't smell October in the air this year. The only thing that reminds me that this month is October are the pumpkins in the courtyard. I think they are real although I can't smell them. Maybe in the chaotic move to the hospital I lost my sense of smell. I can't rely on the other patients for answers to anything half say one thing and the other half say something else.

Some of them are liars and others are just plain crazy. I don't know which one I am. I mean yes I did almost jump off of that bridge last summer but I had reasons. I wrote all my reasons into a poem.

Warm days….Warm days

That is when I hear it

Her faint singing voice

Like a whispering whistle with a hint of raspberry

So soft yet so sad

She haunts me on the warm days

Winter is now my favorite season

Summer is a burden

She sings all summer long to me

I want to throw a pillow at her

Make her shut up

Everyone says she doesn't exist

They say there was no girl there last summer

When I almost jumped off the bridge

I was trying to save her but they didn't believe me

They stopped me and I kicked and I screamed

I should have tried harder

I didn't though

And I faintly hear her singing right now

It is never more than a whisper

Loud enough for me to hear

Loud enough to annoy me

Loud enough to end me up in this place for the crazy

I'm not crazy

She was there that summer last year

For all the summers to come her voice will haunt me….

Everyone insisted I was very, very talented but also very, very sick and needed to come to this place. I don't see how I'm sick. Every time the nurses check my temperature it is always 98.7 or 6 degrees Fahrenheit. I wish I could come out of this place and say sorry to Nicole. That was the girl's name. Nicole was so nice to me and was my best friend and then one day she slipped off the bridge. Nobody else could see her or here her screaming except me and just as my screams mixed with hers and I was ready to jump they grabbed me. They meaning my parents and the police.

I've written way too much for one day especially since anybody who reads this could use it to either keep me in this hospital longer or get me out quicker. I don't want to be here longer or shorter if that makes sense. I just want to be here for my time and then go back to my normal life of waking up at 6 and then feeding my dog...


A/N- The poem is also listed in my stories as "warm, haunted, summer days". I wanted to add some background information to the poem but couldn't move my reviews. I will proabably delete the original poem from my FictionPress one day. Please R&R and tell me if I should continue with Carmen's story.