"Hush little baby don't say a word,
I remember this song so well,papa's gonna buy you a mocking bird.
I was five when it all started.And if that mocking bird don't sing.
I was diagnosed with schizophrenia,my mom and dad were worried.
Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring.I don't remember much,but the terrifying look on my daddy's face when he saw mommy lying across the bed feet dangling drenched in blood.And if that diamond ring dont shine.Dr.Ryner told mommy and daddy that it was hard to say if it was schizophrenia or just my imagination,but daddy knew better,he told how i heard voices,saw people that weren't there.
The next morning,mommy woke up very early, and called Dr. Ryner. "She just started screaming and crying as she stared at the ceiling, like there was something there that me and Eric couldn't see.", said mommy as she pushed the speaker phone button, so that daddy could hear.
"She probably DID see something you and Eric couldn't. She probably had a hallucination. I told you yesterday, it's one of her symptoms." said Dr. Ryner's voice. "Dr., she also was screaming something about, 'Get her away, send her away, I don't want her anymore'. Could she have been talking about the voice, Cassie? Is she supposed to be able to procure an imaginary girl to go with the voices she hears?" asked daddy, a little skeptic. "Well, I suppose its not at all impossible, right? Emma could very well be trying to put two and two together. Logic tells her that there has to be a person for there to be a voice, correct? Well, since she's hearing a voice, her mind is telling her to imagine a girl for the voice to belong to. Now, these are all guesses. The voice, 'Cassie', and the hallucination, could be completely different things for all I know. It is very hard to distinguish much of anything when the patient is as young as Emma is. Because she is so young, and her brain not fully developed, logic may not exist to her. These are all just possibilities of things to explain Emma's behavior. A lot of the time,
Schizophrenia patients' actions are very immoral, and unrealistic, things that logic simply can't explain." concluded Dr. Ryner. I keep having flashbacks now,like when mommy beleived what i had said
and fell down the stairs,i couldn't help but laugh,I hurt so much now.I feel as
if i'm soaring i'm in this room with white walls sorrounding me every which way i turn
there's a single bed in this room there's no color except the newspaper clippings
i cut out.I remember sitting in the back of the car that stormy night:I like the rain.
I didn't want it to stop.
I liked the sound of it hammering down hard on the roof of the car. It made me feel safe and dry. I liked being alone in the yard at night. It made me feel happy. I liked the way the lights over the gates shone crystal-white in the dark, making everything look special. I liked seeing the raindrops as threaded jewels,Daddy was taking me away,to where i don't know.Hush little baby don't say a word."Mommy don't you hear me?"Papa's gonna buy you a mocking bird,I'm scared now mommy.And if that mockingbird don't sing.Mommy i try to be on my best behavior but i can't help but to be bad.
I remember plunging the knife into daddy watching him drop to his knees.I'm sitting in the corner now mommy,knees close to my chest like i was taught.Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring,I still think about our younger years.Hey mommy do you remember my 2nd birthday? I
do,the look on daddy's face when i put my head in the cake,he used to be so proud of me,do you remember? I'm so sorry mommy if only you knew the truth.i've been
here for 16years now mommy can't you see me?
And if that diamond ring don't shine.I'm getting executed soon,Mommy listen.
Our Father, who art in heaven,hallowed be thy name.
Thy Kingdom come,thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.Give us this day our daily bread,Forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,with my head still bowed i whispered,and deliver us from evil.
"Hush little baby don't say a word,
I said some things you shouldn't have heard.
And if those things do haunt you at night,
close your eyes and please don't fight.
And if you fight those things I said,
you might end up falling dead.
And if you end up dead and cold,
don't say you were never told.
And if you claim that I was wrong,
why did you listen all along?"