Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this story! I added this section solely to reply to the anonymous reviewers, but I'll reply to those of you who aren't anonymous, even though I've probably already replied privately. Replies start with the oldest reviewer. (If you just recently reviewed, your name will be towards the bottom of the page.) Millions of thanks and loads of lerv, ;) , Maranwe Telrunya
EnigmaticArsenic: The inconsistincies can be explained by imagination. Lily Payne isn't necessarily real, and Rose Payne's interaction with her could be all in her head. ;)
LITTLE CREATURE: Thank you very much.
Lady Red Nails: Thanks! Especially ;)
Aimers: lol, didn't think someone would find the rhymes funny, but I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Scared-stiff-: I'm glad you like it.
TypeFace: A million thanks for your praise!
Da Vinci at Work: Thank you, me too. They were fun to come up with.
Dixie shiloh: The rhymes were very easy to come up with. I guess twisting things morbid is my forte. Maybe not a good forte to have, but it's what I can do... lol. I know what you mean- it's a piece that even I'm not sure if I like it or not.
Twist130: Thanks! Yeah, my plot fluctuated as I wrote, so I wasn't exactly sure how it would end up until I got to the end! lol. Well, Lily Payne was... one of any of these: A demon, Rose's other personality, Rose's imagination, Rose's Schizophrenic conjuring... and any other application you can think of. It depends on what the reader wants her to be, I guess. She's supposed to be a bit mysterious.
Angy: Yes, I like the Brothers Grimm fairytales, and the movie... Lily Payne was... well, I'm not sure. Imagination, schizophrenia, split personality, demon... one of those. I was vague on who she really was because I'm not sure something like this would actually happen, so I didn't want people telling me it was stupid or schizophrenic people didn't have those kind of delusions, etc... y'know? I tried to write it so that the reader could decide who Lily Payne was. Thanks :)
Bread'n'Butter: Do you have a FP account? I'd like to read your works, if you do. Congrats for being the person to spur me to add this reply section! lol. And congrats for being the first person to come up with criticism. Yeah, I have a little problem with that rhyme as well, but you do have to read it with the right timing on the line. It has to have certain emphasis on the right words or it reads wrong. And since it's a different beat from the 1st, 2nd, and 4th lines, it does sound strange. I'm not going to flesh anything out, because if I did, it would probably worsen the story, which is as near perfect as I can get it. And I did write it in about an hour and a half, so it may sound rushed. But the story is supposed to be a bit vague. The reason her parents treated her like a bag of dirt is this: Lily Payne was some imagination of Rose's, and her parents didn't know which personality was real- Lily or Rose. They opted Lily, because she was bright, lively, fun, pretty, popular, the perfect daughter when they saw her. But Rose was dark, brooding, not outgoing... she was sort of an outcast type. The idea I was trying for is that the parents chose to think that the personality of Lily was the normal one, and the personality of Rose was the abnormal, the one they wanted to get rid of. They could even have been a little afraid of her. All they saw was that when Rose was "there", she broke toys, she acted strangely- Lily was the model child, not Rose. Anyways. The story is complete- I can't change it... hard to explain, but once I finish a short story that was inspired and written so quickly, I can't change it or I ruin it. Oh, and I am not religeous, I have a relationship with Jesus Christ. (There's a huge difference which I can explain if you want to pm me.) The story isn't allegorical at all. It was just... something that came out one afternoon and blossomed onto the page. Thanks for the review! Sorry for the looong reply.
water lorelei: Thank you! I do like writing horror- it seems to be my forte, probably because it's opposite of me. (My works seem to be better if they're not like me.) Hope you like whatever else you read!
La Bella Luna: Thanks! I loved writing the rhymes. (Or twisting, whichever one it was. ;))
Jaeiyola: Wow, your name is a fingerful to spell. ;) Thanks! Yeah, little kids being evil is one of the creepiest things in my opinion. I had fun writing it, though. Hope to hear more from you!
divinexglory: The one sure thing is Lily wasn't real. But I left it up to the reader to decide if Rose had schizophrenia, split personality, was demon possessed, imagining the whole thing... orrr... any other medical disorder which would bring up something like that. And Rose didn't know that Lily wasn't real. ;) Sorry it confused you! But, that's sort of the reaction I was trying to get- it's not supposed to be written in blood, it's up to the reader to decide. Thanks for the review!
Dark Snow Angel: Thanks! Hah, nice rhyme. I'll try. I started one, but it's slow in coming.
Crazy In 88: Wow, thanks! Glad to be the one to break the years of no favorites.
King of Kings: Thanks! Yes, Lily was actually whoever you want to decide she was. Actually, Rose's full name is Lily Rose Payne, so Lily was a part of Rose, but I left it vague on purpose because I didn't want to specify a certain mental illness and be incorrect. ;) Lily could have been any of these: Rose's Schizophrenic conjuring, Imaginings, Rose's alter ego (split personality), a demon, a hallucination... or any other mental illness that causes people to do something like that. I personally like split personality. That way it explains her parents' treatment of her - they didn't know which personality was real, so they mistreated the one they thought was bad.