I'm heartened that so many people agree with me and are able to express their agreement so honestly and tastefully! When I posted this original essay, I felt for sure that I would receive a few people that would disagree, and yet I was stunned to find that everyone was able to remain calm and tolerant. So enthused was I that I decided to right another chapter to fully convey the true brilliance of my argument.
You stand in the wonderful magnificence of a courthouse. Flowers are everywhere. A dozen muscians are playing a slow, marching song. And there, down the hall, comes the groom-a wonderful, strapping boy, wearing a finely colored and crafted tuxedo. His face is brightly lit with the red marks of joy. Finally, he reaches the alter: and there, he unveils his wife. His wife is beautiful, a true modern diva, sent from the heavens above. And then, he turns to his second wife, and removes her veil, and it she is beautiful as well. And then, he kneels down, and remove the veil of his third wife, who then quickly sniffs, then licks his hand, with the black mane of her face wonderfully colored by the veterenarian groomers.
Doesn't every couple who is in love and wishes to spend their lives with each other deserve to be married? Adopting children, another joy and right every couple should have is a struggle with man-woman-woman-dog marriages. Jobs to support themselves and loved ones are difficult to find if you are open to your true, polygamous tendencies. Denying polygamous men, women, and dogs rights that every heterosexual couple has is unconstitutional and unfair.
Marriage is, in most couple's eyes, a way to pursue happiness. Yet, couples like this man-woman-woman-dog couple are not allowed to be married, except in Utah on the twenty-third Thursday of every year. Some people believe it is wrong to let people to be married like this because of religion. However, religion has nothing to do with it. This is an inherently secular issue that should be addressed immediately. That is why there is a seperation of church and state: because no one likes to allow religious leaders to practice their first amendment rights. Let's face it: we should all only concern ourselves with our own bussiness. Even if a cult leader is leading a group to certain suicide by blowing up a large chunk of Manhatten, we should allow people to do whatever they want whenever they want because it's part of their constitutional rights.
And besides, look at the practicle implications of a union like this! If one of the wives were to divorce from the rest of the unionites, then all three of the other members could pay their marriage dues to help support that woman. And when one of the two women gave birth, why, that child would have the devotion of two mothers, one father, and a dog!
Not only that, but a situation like this would do a lot to relieve the discriminatory attacks on kanines. Dogs have long been overlooked, in terms of rights as individuals and rights as citizens. Every dog who was born in the united states is inherently a citizen, and therefore should not only have the right to be married, but also the right to vote! Before unions like this existed, dogs were in a state of extreme disadvantage! Now, dogs would have the right to file suits against abusive partners! I think this is the most important civil rights issue of this millenium!
And what will we have instead of this? Men and women getting married? Why, that takes all the fun out of it! I don't know what you say, but anyone who hasn't been in love with their dog shouldn't have the right to speak on this issue!
It is difficult for many people today to find jobs that provide for their families. With this system, there could be a man and a woman in the workplace, with one woman staying home to be mother. If one of the women ever became pregnant, than the other mother could take over the role in society of the other. I'm sure in a few hundred years, we'll be wondering how we ever held society together or provided any civil rights for women without polygamous marriages.
And responses to a few individual reviews (As that's all the rage these days):
Max Krugman-How did you ever guess? Hitler IS my grandfather!
Namir-Don't worry, I was far more inspired to write these because of g21lto's suggestion for the fictionpress drinking game than I was by your essay. And don't worry, this became an issue after President Bush's state of the union, not because of your essay.
Cerridwin-I can only assume you've read some of my other works! I'm glad you're a fan. As we all should know by now, this IS Hell!
Fugiguru—is this chapter better?