A/N: I wrote this for a contest on It didn't win anything, but I'm quite proud of it. Please R & R! I will love you forever! D

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When I walked through the door, I knew I'd never be the same.

I could feel the gazes of hundreds of people burning right through me, but I didn't bother to glance up. I knew I couldn't handle the pressure of their sympathetic eyes. The last thing I needed was their pity, their sorrow for me. They weren't supposed to be there to grieve for me, and I wished none of us were there at all.

The only thing I needed was for it to be over.

I sat on the front pew in a polite manner next to my mother and my husband, crossing my legs and folding my hands together. I hung my head, not as a gesture of politeness, but one of my own sorrow and grieving for my loss.

I felt a warm, rough hand gently caress the top of my thigh. I looked up at James, and could feel the empty space in me grow larger with every second that passed between our locked gazes. He was in just as much pain as I was, and I mourned for our loss.

He remained silent, but his icy eyes questioned my condition. I tried to give him a small smile to let him know I was all right, but guilt stung like a razor and I let out a single sob. He quickly wrapped his arms around me, rubbing small circles on my back with his thumbs. I felt a single tear flutter down my cheek as he lightly planted a kiss on my forehead. James was my strength.

He pulled away from our embrace, and fearing that I would lose all my nerve in that moment, I grabbed his hand, clutching tightly. He gave my hand a small squeeze to calm me down, and to let me know he was not going anywhere. I looked up at the lingering quietness of the church.

My sister stood at the podium in respected silence for me, but I knew that I couldn't put this off any longer. It was time to accept it.

I gave her my nod of approval to start the service, and she gave me a small smile back.

"We are here today to mourn the loss of Piper Alexandria Cage," Sarah paused, and looked around at some of the familiar faces crowding the church. "Or as most of us know her as her famous nickname, Pippa."

There was a small remembering chuckle from the audience. I couldn't help but smile just a little bit.

"But we are not here to say goodbye," Sarah said, her voice cracking as she gathered herself. I saw my sister take a deep breath. "But to remember that she will always be here with us."

I stared at her, feeling warm moisture starting to gather in my eyes. If I was beginning to cry at the beginning of the service, I had no idea how I was going to make it through another hour of sitting there, listening to the same thing over and over again.

"I'm sure that you are all aware that God has not blessed me with the gift of children," she continued shakily. "So my sister, Katie, took that into account. She gave me the guardianship of Piper," Sarah wiped her eyes. "I may only have been her god parent, but I loved her like the daughter that I could" Sarah stopped and corrected herself before she even finished her sentence.

"Will never have," she finished, her voice dying out.

I watched her, my face contorted into genuine hurt for my sister, trying to hold back my own tears. I began shaking.

"Thank you," she concluded weakly, rushing out of the spotlight as formally as possible.

I felt my stomach suddenly turn over as I realized with a sinking feeling that it was my turn to speak. I felt like throwing up, and I knew the color was draining from my face.

James must've noticed my paling complexion because he leaned over and whispered in my ear.

"Do you want me to go up there with you?" he asked.

I could only nod and silently thank him with my expression.

He never let go of my hand as we walked up to the center of the church and took position behind the speaking podium. I very slowly removed tattered pieces of paper from my pocket that I'd scribbled and erased on countless times. Shaking, I unfolded them, and set them down on the platform in front of me, glancing at the first page.

"I remember the first time I saw my daughter," I started. "It was a couple minutes after I'd had her and after the doctors had cleaned her up."

I looked at James, whose head was hung down, avoiding the audience's eyes, kind of the way I was.

"They handed her to James first and I just about had a fit," I said smiling slightly but sadly. The crowd gave another hushed laugh.

"But as soon as he handed her to me, almost wished he hadn't," I said, my voice beginning to quiver a bit. "Because the smiling face of my baby girl was almost too much for me to handle."

I had to stop for a moment to gather myself so I could continue. I looked over at James to make sure he was ready for me to keep talking, and he was.

"But I don't think I could stand up here for the rest of my life and be able to explain to you how much she meant to me," I took another deep breath. "I loved—still love—Pippa, and I don't have to prove that to anyone."

"Over the past week I have questioned God many times. I even went as far as to ask him if there was a god. I know there is," I could feel my throat getting tighter, and it was getting harder to breathe with each passing second. "But what I don't know is why he would do something like this; take away the most important thing to James and I," my voice cracked. "I still don't have an answer to that. I don't think I ever will."

I suddenly felt James' shaking hand squeezing mine as tightly as possible. He was hurting, and I didn't have to look at him to know he was crying.

"No. I know I never will. Because there isn't one," I said, moving my papers to the side. "There was no reason for this," I paused and wiped my eyes, which were flooded with tears by then. "I could never explain to you what it's like to lose a child. If I were given the choice to go back and trade my life for hers, I would have. In a heartbeat and without a second thought. I would give anything to have her back here with me."

An unwanted sob escaped my throat and I was cradled into James' arms once again. He was crying and shaking uncontrollably as he held me close to him, but nevertheless, he didn't let go until I was ready to let him.

The crowd waited while I prepared to finish the last segment of my speech.

Taking a deep breath, and ignoring the sickness that was beginning to build inside of me, I made movement to continue.

"I can't tell you how many times I've heard the phrase "things will get better with time" over the past week," I said, my head turning towards the floor. "It's only been a week since the accident, but I feel so empty. I used to wake up every morning and get Pippa up so she could get to school on time. Now I wake up and I'm lost. I don't know what I'm supposed to do," I choked again. "My daughter was my life," I said shortly. " So, no, I don't truly believe things get better with time. Time dulls the pain, but somehow, it still hurts just as much."

"God may forgive us," I said. "But I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him for this."

The silence my last words left were almost unbearable.

"Thank you," I muttered weakly, instantly turning into James' embrace, where I cried until I was sure that he would never let go.

The car ride to the graveyard was silent; words were unnecessary. The only sound was the rain hitting the tinted Cadillac's windows.

Everything seemed to pass by as just a blur, until those closest to the family, James, and myself, were the only ones left standing underneath the tarp covering Piper's grave.

Everyone stood back as I stepped toward the casket. My daughter's final resting-place.

I almost buckled beneath the shock that I felt when I looked at her for the first time in a long time. She was so pale; her normally flushed cheeks of an eight-year-old were lifeless and I didn't have to touch them to know they were cold. My eyes fell to the golden cross necklace that used to be her favorite piece of jewelry.

I leaned over my daughter and placed a final kiss on her forehead.

"Goodbye," I muttered as the men closed the casket. "Be nice to God." A single tear fell from my eye as the coffin lowered into the ground.

James silently gave my hand a final squeeze before he let go of it. He walked over to the black piano sitting underneath a separated awning next to us. As he played the first notes of the song I had heard him sing to our daughter so many times, I knew it was time to tell Pippa goodbye. It was time to let go, but not forget. Never forget.

Wash away the thoughts inside
That keep my mind away from you
No more love and no more pride.
The thoughts are all I have to do.

Oooo..remember when it rained
Felt the ground and looked up high and called your name
Oooo...remember when it rained
In the darkness I remain

Tears of hope run down my skin
Tears for you that will not dry
They magnify the one within
Let the outside slowly die...

Oooo..remember when it rained
Felt the ground and looked up high and called your name
Oooo..remember when it rained
In the water I remain...running down.

Running down, running down
running down, running down,
running down, running down,

Running down