Rise From The Ashes

The abandoned ruins of the theater stood silently. The roof was broken in several places, letting sunlight shine in from outside. The seats were torn and tattered, burnt and ruined, as was the stage, where charred wood precariously stayed in place, ready to fall through. The stage curtains were full of holes, and the scent of burnt dreams hung in the air.

Still that unforgettable burnt smell remained after all this time, Alice realized, as she stood at the door, looking out onto the stage. It was frightening and painful for her to come here, but she had to come back, for no matter where she ran her conscience followed her and she could not live out her life. Memories haunted her dreams, and she knew she could not end them unless she faced up to the past. She knew her counselor would think she was crazy for trying to cope with too much at once, but she had to come here, had to find closure somehow.

She tentatively took a step onto the stage, testing it with her foot first to see it still held her weight. Her lithe body made the weakened boards creak, but did not let her fall. She tiptoed to the edge of the stage, and looked down over all the rows of seats. How many faces had she seen there, sitting at the first and second nights, the only nights of their play? They had made the audience laugh and cry, but it was all gone. No more would people be coming to see her perform here, or anywhere else. She had left acting, gone out into the regular world and taken on an office job.

All because of that night.

Alice carefully sat down on the edge of the stage and let her legs hang down. The past came back to her, and she let it wash over her, the story of that fateful night, a year before...

She had been twenty-one when she left acting school, not the best in her class, but not the worst either. Alice Hartman had not wanted to go into acting because she was good at it, but because it was something she had wanted to do.

Still, many had graduated with her who more talented and better looking, and she had struggled to find employment. Movies had been in decline for a while, and were not looking for women like her with average appearance and average acting skills. They only wanted the best, and on first appearances, Alice didn't seem like the best candidate.

She was about to give up when she read in the paper one day about a little theater that was putting on some controversial plays. Many actors had left the theater because of its new management, yet the owner said he wanted to focus on doing something different, something the others would not touch for fear of offending people. Alice liked the idea, and found herself writing a letter. She was called for an interview, and nervously attended.

"You can come in," the owner said, coming out into the run down little office, "I will see you now."

Alice stepped into the dark little office behind the owner, and closed the door. The owner gestured to a seat, and she sat down.

"I'll be honest," the owner said, "We're in dire straits. Our last performances have been poorly attended. I thought I could do something different with this place, but I'm running out of ideas. The last play was too offensive, and people protested so heavily against it that they damaged the theater," he sighed, "I guess I'm just not finding a market. So I had my writer come up with a script, and this is going to be our last effort. It's a lesbian love story, and we hope to bring in the gay market with it, without attracting too much unwanted attention for offensive content," he said, "Perhaps if we build up and make a good name for ourselves, we can tackle religious content another time. Anyway, I think there's a part that would be perfect for you..."

"...I don't know," Alice said, "I mean, I'm not..."

"You are an actor, correct?" the owner said, "It's the leading role. If you do well, it could be a good break for a young woman like you."

Alice thought about it, "What would it entail?" she asked.

"There's a couple of kissing scenes," the owner said, "It's about a princess who loves the princess of an opposing kingdom but is due to be married to the prince of a neighboring kingdom. It's a tragedy. Take the script and read it for yourself. It sounds a lot better in practice."

"That's a bit cheesy," Alice said, "I really don't know."

The door to the small office opened, and a young woman came in. She had dark brown, curly long hair and was wearing a rich cream-colored ball gown which emphasized her figure. Her eyes were a sparkling blue, and she turned to Alice and smiled as she came in.

"Father, how is the costume?" the girl asked.

"It looks magnificent, Lucy," the owner said, "Alice, this is Lucy, my daughter. She's playing the other lead role, that of your character's love interest, Princess Rosetta. Lucy, this is Alice, who I'm hoping to recruit for the part of Princess Sasha."

Lucy smiled, "Nice to meet you, Alice," she said, "I hope you take the part. I think this play could really do well, and you look perfect for the role of Princess Sasha."

"So," said the owner, "What do you say, Alice? Will you at least read the script?"

Alice didn't know. She looked back at Lucy again. Could she really take a role where she would have to kiss another woman? Lucy was beautiful, but somehow that just seemed to make it all the more embarrassing to her. Yet this was the only role she'd been offered, and she felt intrigued, somehow, excited inside at the prospect of doing something new.

"All right," Alice said, swallowing, "I'll take home the script and read it. I have a couple of other jobs that might come through; I'll get back to you by Friday morning."

"I hope you take the role," Lucy said, "I think you'd be well suited to it."

Alice left the script on her bedside table, reading a little bit every night. It was good, a lot better than she'd expected, but the kissing scenes were passionate and intense, and she was not sure she could handle it. Would she even be convincing in the role? She had done kissing scenes before, they had never been a big deal to her, yet this one seemed to be, and she could not figure it out. She imagined kissing Lucy, their bosoms pressing together in the low-cut dresses and the heat rushed to her face.

She waited for the other calls to come, but they never did. She knew they had all been unlikely prospects, but she had hoped anyway. She sighed and her eyes went back to the script sitting at her bedside. She had finished reading it, had almost cried at the ending where the two princesses are parted by death, never able to be together, but still she didn't know whether to take the role. It was demanding, with a lot of lines to learn, yet something inside her also quivered with excitement. If she could prove herself in this challenging role, hopefully many places would want to hire her.

Friday came, and Alice found herself nervously sitting in the office of the theater again, fidgeting. Lucy was standing behind her, not in costume this time

"I'm glad you've decided to take the role," the owner said, "Most of the parts are filled now. I want you two to concentrate on your parts together for the moment, though. We will bring in the other actors when you are comfortable with your roles. The production begins in four weeks – you have until then to get it right. I'm not going to be up behind you – it's up to you to arrange time together to practice. The dressing rooms, costumes and such are all yours. I suggest you start now."

They left the office, and Lucy smiled at Alice, "Well then, to start with, we should probably just read the script through together. I'll show you around, too – it's not a big place, but the stage is nice, and you'll need to get used to it.

They took chairs and went out onto the stage. Alice stood at the front and looked out, "Wow," she said, "There's a lot of capacity."

"We'll be lucky if we fill a third of that," Lucy said, "so don't worry too much about all the eyes on you. But a third would be good, and certainly more successful than my father's other plays."

"Do you really think we can save this place?" Alice said.

"I don't know," Lucy replied, "but I begged my father to give it one last try. It was my dream, to be up here on the stage. If we fail, I don't know what I will do. There's not a lot of acting work about, so I suppose I will just go out into the real world."

"Don't worry," Alice said, "I'll try my best."

After a week of reading the scripts, following stage directions and getting things in order, they finally reached the kissing scene. Lucy's father and some of the understudies were sitting in the audience, and Alice felt nervous. She liked Lucy, and somehow that made it all the more embarrassing, to be kissing somebody she considered a friend.

It's just an acting role, she reminded herself. This isn't me. It's just my character, kissing another character.

Yet she felt all eyes were upon her as she delivered the line, "Oh, my dearest Rosetta, please don't leave me again!" and Lucy moved closer and closer, embracing her and planting her lips on hers for a good second before Alice pulled away uncomfortably. She had been soft, and gentle, and Alice felt her heart racing, fire burning in her cheeks. Their small audience laughed and clapped, but Alice felt she wanted to run away.

"I... I think we'll call it a day!" she announced, and hurried backstage. She fled into the dressing room, and to her dismay, saw Lucy following. Lucy came in and closed the door.

"I'd rather be alone," Alice said, as Lucy came in and closed the door.

"You've never kissed a girl before, have you?" Lucy said gently.

"No... of course not!" Alice said.

"I can tell," Lucy smiled, "It's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's an acting role, Alice."

"I know," Alice replied, "It's just... everybody was watching, and..."

"Everybody will be watching on opening night," Lucy said, "They'll be expecting a convincing display of affection. You can't worry about your own personal inhibitions, otherwise that will show through and nobody will believe that Sasha loves Rosetta."

"I'm sorry," Alice said, "I feel like I'm being a pain. Perhaps I just need some practice."

"So we'll practice here, where nobody is watching," Lucy said, "Then next time we go out on stage, it won't be a big deal. It's my fault, I should have realized you'd never done this before."

Lucy came closer and Alice felt terrified. She wanted to flee, but she knew that if she did, her role in the performance was over. If she couldn't kiss Lucy in private, she would never be able to pull it off convincingly on stage.

"Just relax," Lucy said, putting her hands on Alice's bare shoulders. Alice felt her touch jolt right through her, "Don't pull away, just let me kiss you. Think about somebody you like if it helps."

Alice felt Lucy come close and tried to think of someone else, some past boyfriend, but nothing blocked out the intoxicating scent of Lucy, or the feeling of her plump breasts pushing up against hers through the costumes, or the soft feeling of her lips as she kissed Alice gently. Alice relaxed and felt warmth flowing through her.

"There," Lucy pulled away and smiled, "You did fine that time. Just do that and you'll be fine."

Lucy left then, and Alice stood there. She could feel where Lucy's hands had been on her shoulders, could feel tingling in her body where their breasts had rubbed together, and her lips felt cold without Lucy's warmth. She found a seat and sat in it, trying to process her feelings. Had she been without a boyfriend that long? She wondered, and supposed it was true. She hadn't dated since high school, because she'd been busy working on her dream.

Lucy's touch haunted Alice that night. She couldn't stop her mind thinking about what it would be like to have Lucy touch her all over, run her hands down her back, up her thighs. It drove her crazy and she couldn't sleep. She wondered if it had been a bad idea to take the role. But she knew that if she pulled out now, the theater would close without ever having a chance.

She sighed, and rolled over. She knew she wasn't a lesbian. It was just the excitement of something new, she thought, and she wouldn't let it interfere with her work. Thinking that, she eventually drifted into sleep.

"It's been my lifelong dream to do this," Lucy said after practice, a few weeks later, "It's weird to be here, practicing it, knowing that opening night is not far off."

"You never acted in your father's other plays?" Alice asked. She was surprised, as Lucy was a competent actor.

"Yes, I did," Lucy said, "It's just... I wrote this play. I'm an actor, but I always wanted to write more than anything. Now I get to see my writing come to life."

"You wrote this?" Alice asked, stunned. She was surprised that somebody so young could write such a beautiful play, and yet, she also realized that it meant something else as well, "You're a lesbian?"

"Yes," Lucy said, "I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. I wasn't trying to keep it from you."

Alice did feel uncomfortable, but she swallowed it down. Lucy had been kind to her, and those kisses hadn't meant anything, they were just part of a play. Weren't they?

"I consider you a friend," Lucy said, "so I apologize if I misled you..."

"You have nothing to apologize for," Alice said, "It's all right."

"I guess I'm nervous," Lucy said, "I'm not out to a lot of people, besides my family. But once this play begins, and people found out who wrote it, everybody will know. I'm afraid of their reactions, I suppose. Old school friends who won't talk to me any more, and things like that."

Alice was overcome with empathy for Lucy, "I'm sorry," she said, "I guess this must be difficult for you. I've made such a fuss about doing this kiss and everything... you must think I have a problem with it. But it's such a beautiful play... I'm honored to be a part of it, Lucy. I think it's amazing that you wrote a play."

"Thank you," Lucy said, "I've worked on it since high school. I never thought it would see the light of day. Even when my father bought the theater, he had lots of experienced writers at his side. I'm lucky to have this chance to bring my play to life."

"I'm glad that you have," Alice said, "You're a talented writer and actor. Maybe you'll get noticed on opening night. You never know who might be in the audience."

"I can only dream of things like that," Lucy sighed, "I'm already working on another script, though. Would you like to come up to my place and see it?"

Alice thought about it for a moment. She knew it would be interesting to see the script, but she didn't know if she wanted to go to Lucy's home. Was she letting herself too far into Lucy's life? They were supposed to be characters in a play, acquaintances at best outside. If they became friends, would it be too hard for them to make that kiss?

But deep down she knew she wanted to go. She liked Lucy, because they had a lot in common, and wanted to spend time with her rather then alone in her murky apartment, waiting for the phone to ring.

"Sure," Alice said, "I'll come. Where do you live?"

"In the apartments above the theater," Lucy said, "My father used all our money to buy this place, so we have to live here too. Come on, I'll take you there."

"Sure," Alice said, grabbing her things, "Let's go."

Lucy led Alice through corridors she didn't even know existed, up through dark, dusty storage rooms and up several flights of narrow stairs until they reached a door, which Lucy unlocked and went through. It led into a large living room, with windows that looked down upon the whole city. Lining the walls were newspaper clippings with reviews of plays. Alice noticed that a child that must have been Lucy was in many of them.

"Is this you?" Alice asked.

"Yes," Lucy replied, "I always loved acting, ever since I was a child. My father was a playwright for much of his life, and we moved around selling scripts wherever we went. I used to love to see my father's stories come to life. But then my mother died, and he stopped writing. He went into the management side of things. He always said that some day I would perform one of my own plays. I'm grateful to him for the chances he has given me. I'm just sad that this theater hasn't worked out for him."

"We may still save it," Alice said, "If we perform well enough, and get some good media attention, we may still make enough money."

"I wish that was a likely outcome," Lucy said, sitting down on the bed, "but it's a cruel world. Chances are that this will be our last production, and that it will go virtually unnoticed. People want to see mainstream stuff, things they can relate to. I think the mood for fantasy has gone away."

"There are plenty of people who want to escape from their real lives, too," Alice said, "Boredom eats away at them, and they want to be reinvigorated, have something to believe in again. They want to be challenged as an audience." She felt sadness for Lucy, sitting on the bed. Here was a woman who had basically given up hope, and Alice didn't want that. The play had moved her and made her think about many things she would not normally have done, and she wanted Lucy to continue writing and not neglect her talents because of self-doubt.

"I don't know," Lucy said, "I started writing a new play, but my inspiration has all dried up. I don't know if it's even any good."

"Can I see it?" Alice asked. Somehow, she felt she wanted to read the script, to see what was on Lucy's mind, what other worlds she could create. She felt a longing to know Lucy better, to really see inside the eye of her mind. She knew she shouldn't get too close, that once the production was over they'd probably never see each other again, but she couldn't help feeling intrigued.

Lucy got up and walked across the room to an old wooden writing desk where some papers lay. She picked them up, ordered them, and came back to Alice.

"I've never let anybody read my unfinished work," Lucy said, "but this time I'm really stuck, and I think you might be able to help, somehow. At least tell me if what I've written is any good. Take it home, and bring it back when you've finished."

Alice went home, and put the script on her bedside table. She looked at it sitting there, wanting to read it, but also wanting to simply return it unread. What was she doing, asking to read the script? She couldn't offer Lucy any help, she was simply being nosy. Yet the papers seemed to have an inexorable pull to them, and Alice soon found herself sitting on her bed, reading the elaborate tale that Lucy had woven. She laughed and cried often, and found herself completely captivated by Lucy's work. The night wore away, yet she could not tear herself from the words to sleep.

The next thing she knew was a ringing phone, and woke to find the last page on her lap and sunlight streaming in the window.

"Hello?" Alice asked, groggily.

"It's Lucy," the caller said, "Alice, opening night is tomorrow! I thought we agreed you'd be here for practice!"

"I'm sorry," Alice said, "I was reading your script all night... I fell asleep by accident and I'm late. I'll be there as soon as possible!"

"What did you think of the script?" Lucy asked.

"It was perfect," Alice said, "It was truly amazing. You have to finish it, Lucy. I know you'll find a market for it."

"Thank you," Lucy said, "I really appreciate you reading it, Alice. Well, we'll get started down here, come down when you are ready."

When Alice arrived, everything was in full swing. She was amazed by the progress they had made. All the sets were ready, the costumes were all done and the theater was alive with staff and actors. She was relieved that everything was under control, as there was enough for her to do just practicing her own part.

She took the wrong door by accident and ended up standing in the seating area. Looking up at the stage, she could see Lucy standing there in her costume, singing the Lament of Princess Rosetta, a song about Princess Sasha's death. Alice had heard it before, but standing in the audience, it seemed so many times more powerful. She walked closer to the stage, captivated by Lucy's beautiful voice, and took a seat in the front row. By the time the song was over, tears were streaming down her face and she clapped. Lucy looked down in surprise.

"Alice, what are you doing there?" Lucy asked, "I didn't think anybody was watching."

Alice climbed up onto the stage, "That was amazing," she said, "Why have you never sung it like that before?"

"I guess this sounds silly," Lucy said, "but I get nervous when people are watching. It's like they can see right through me. I know I'm an actress and I need to get used to it, but I always feel more relaxed when I can sing on my own."

"You're beautiful," Alice said, before she could even think about what she was saying, "That script, that song... it's all so beautiful. Everything else just seems ugly and insignificant in its wake."

"Now you're sounding like Princess Sasha," Lucy smiled.

"I guess I am," Alice said, embarrassed at having made such an outburst. What was she saying, anyway? But it was true, she knew, Lucy was beautiful. She had the power to move her like nobody else she had ever met. Her words and songs captivated her and held her in thrall, and she wanted to be held there, wanted Lucy to make her feel that way. She found her hands on Lucy's shoulders, drawing closer and closer, and Lucy was smiling as their lips met briefly.

Then they pulled apart as Lucy's father walked in with some of the set managers, "...and I want those put over here..."

"Oh, my dearest Rosetta, please don't leave me again!" Alice said, remembering the line from the kiss in the play. It would explain away the kiss at any rate, if Lucy's father had seen them.

"Why are you not in costume?" Lucy's father sighed, "Come on, Alice, this production begins tomorrow night! We should be practicing the final version now, in costume."

"Sorry," Alice said, "I got late. I'll go and change right away." She scurried away, leaving Lucy and her father behind her. She ran down the halls, looking for the privacy of her dressing room. She rushed in and shut the door, gasping for breath as she slid down the door. Her lips tingled from the kiss, and she ran her fingers along them. She had kissed Lucy in the heat of the moment, a real kiss, born from the longing deep in her heart. But she wasn't gay... was she? Desire and love flowed through her veins and she felt helpless and afraid. She couldn't fall in love with Lucy, she couldn't allow herself to. Even though acting was a generally liberal profession, there was still much prejudice around and she couldn't afford to lose acting roles which were thin enough on the ground as it was. It was just a crush, caused by their closeness because of the roles they were playing, wasn't it? It didn't say anything about her, did it?

Alice put her head in her hands. Memories of past times, a look at a girl here, appreciation of another's beauty there all pieced themselves together in her mind and screamed at her. But she'd had boyfriends, she liked men, she just hadn't had the time for them lately. Yet still, she had never felt so moved by anybody before. Lucy was a special person, somebody who truly resonated with her own personality, somebody who enriched her life.

She wanted to run away, but she could not. Opening night was coming towards her at lightning speed. She had to put her feelings aside and do the job, otherwise the theater would fail and so would Lucy's dreams, and she didn't want Lucy to fail, especially not because of her.

Alice picked herself up and found her costume. She was supposed to have help putting it on, but she wanted to be alone for a few moments and so she struggled into the huge, luxurious, low-cut dress by herself, struggling to reach the zipper on the back but eventually managing. She applied her makeup in the mirror and brushed her hair into the right style for Princess Sasha, then left herself behind in the dressing room. If she wanted to do this, she had to give herself up and become her character, not become bogged down by her own personal worries and fears. When she kissed Lucy, it would be Sasha kissing Rosetta, when she wept it would be Sasha weeping for Rosetta, and when she sang her song would be for Rosetta.

So it was that they went through a perfect practice performance, not worrying about other things but being their characters. After they had finished for their final practice, Alice rushed to her dressing room, changed into her ordinary clothes, washed off her makeup and left before Lucy could come to her with questions about their kiss. She couldn't answer those questions because she didn't know the answers, she didn't know how she felt. She just wanted to be alone, to have time to think away from the stage and the performance. The next day was set aside for rest, the actors only coming in for the real performance in the evening, so Alice hoped she would not see Lucy again until the show.

She crept out of her dressing room and down the hall in a near-run, wanting to be away from the theater and back in the quiet of her apartment. It was raining heavily outside, and she was hastily making her way to her car when she heard Lucy call out from behind her.

"Wait! Alice, please!" Lucy cried.

Alice felt herself stop and turn, and Lucy was standing there behind her in ordinary clothing, soaking wet.

"Somehow I knew you'd try to run away. You don't need to run away, we can talk about it. I know you've been avoiding me since we kissed. Even your acting seemed distant and far away, as if you were no longer there. I understand if you're confused, but please, come back to my place and we can talk." Lucy said.

"I...I can't!" Alice said, "It was a mistake! I'm not gay! I just got carried away in the heat of the moment!" She was fumbling with her keys now, trying to unlock her car door, trying not to look behind her at Lucy's hurt face. She finally succeeded and opened the door.

"Please, Alice!" Lucy said, "I just want to talk," but Alice was already in her car, closing the door and driving away without even putting on her seatbelt.

Lucy stood there in the rain, looking after her with sadness in her eyes.

When Alice returned to her apartment, she was annoyed to see Lucy's script still sitting on her bed, and gathered it up and threw it on her coffee table. Everywhere she went, Lucy seemed to have invaded her thoughts, her life. She had never asked for that, and resented her intrusion into her life. All she had wanted was to act, get a job, and be happy doing what she enjoyed, not be bogged down with emotions she had not asked for. She slumped on her bed, lying down, trying to erase all her thoughts, but Lucy's sad face in the rain came back to her. She covered her head with a pillow, trying to drown out the thoughts, but they would not disappear and she threw the pillow away in anger. She wasn't in love, it wasn't true, it was just some crazy crush that would go away when she finished the production. She got up and sat in the sofa, turning on the television and letting its mindless talk wash over her, but still she found her mind wandering back to Lucy. She put her head down on the coffee table, feeling the cool wood against her forehead and beating her fists against it in rage.

"I'm not in love!" she cried out to herself, "I'm not in love with a woman! I'm not a lesbian!" The memories came to her again, of a girl she had liked in high school, but had pushed the thoughts aside, "I don't want everybody to hate me!" she cried, and then she broke down in tears, huge sobs that racked her whole body.

The phone started to ring, but she let it go to answer phone, "Hi," came Lucy's voice, "Look, maybe you don't want anything to do with me, but if you do want to talk, I'll be around. Even if you don't want to talk, please come and play your role tomorrow night. You're the perfect person to play Princess Sasha, and your understudy could never replace you. Please, Alice, I'm counting on you. I believe in you."

Alice couldn't believe it. Even though she had been so cruel to Lucy, giving her mixed messages and driving off without an explanation, she had still called. She had still said, "I believe in you". Alice wasn't sure she believed in herself, but Lucy still cared, somehow. Had Lucy liked her all along? Had she waited in the wings, hoping and praying for a miracle, that the awkward straight girl who had pulled away so embarrassed from that stage kiss would come around to love her? She had smiled when Alice had kissed her, and Alice had been so lost. Now she was just tired and confused, and didn't know what to believe. Was she in love with Lucy? She didn't know. Lucy had been kind to her, had inspired her, had moved her to tears on several occasions, but was that love? She wanted to touch Lucy, to feel Lucy's hands over her body, but was that love? She wanted to be with Lucy all the time, had her on her mind constantly, but was that love? What exactly was love, anyway? Her boyfriends had been people to hang around with. She had felt a deep fondness for them and been upset when she had lost them but looking back, she couldn't envision spending her life with any of them. They had never really inspired her or left her in awe the way Lucy did.

Alice went back to lying on her bed. She remembered the way it had felt when Lucy had first kissed her, she had been excited and afraid, she had felt alive. Their breasts had rubbed together through their costumes and she had felt aroused. When she had read Lucy's plays, she had been so moved by her characters, so moved by the beauty in her mind that she had wanted to know more, see more of the person who was Lucy. Then she had seen her sing, sing completely and truly from the heart and she had been lost and drawn to kiss her. In that moment she had wanted to take her in her arms and keep her close, like she was the most precious thing in the world.

Alice knew then that her feelings for Lucy were love.

Alice woke to her alarm, and pulled herself from her bed. It was early afternoon, and she had slept late knowing that the production would keep her up until early the next morning. She showered, dressed, ate and left the house with mixed feelings of dread and anticipation. What would she say to Lucy when she saw her? But she knew she had to face it, she wouldn't let Lucy down by leaving the production after all the work they had put in and all the faith Lucy had had in her.

She arrived at the theater and went backstage immediately, calling her assistants into her dressing room to help her get ready. She wanted to be ready before she saw Lucy, so that she wouldn't be able to back down from playing her role.

Once she was ready, she left and went out onto the stage, where the final preparations were being made. She had expected to find Lucy there, but she was not around. She searched the whole theater looking for Lucy, but she was nowhere to be found. Would Lucy leave her own role because of her? The thought made her upset, and she made her way up to the apartment where Lucy lived. She knocked on the door, but there was no response.

"Lucy, if you're in there, I want to talk to you," Alice said, "Please, I'm sorry about what I said, I never meant to upset you. Lucy, I... please don't leave this role because of me. I can't do this without my Princess Rosetta."

She waited at the door, thinking she heard a sound, but there was nothing, and she left, returning to the backstage area to read over her lines and get in character before the evening show.

People started to arrive and be seated, and Alice continued to worry as there was still no sign of Lucy. She saw Lucy's father running around, but he was busy and she couldn't get a moment to talk to him. She sat backstage, trying to relax and center herself. She knew she had to focus now on getting her lines right, regardless of whether Lucy showed up. But she couldn't imagine herself playing her part with anybody else but Lucy, and the thought that she might not show up broke her heart.

Before long, the other cast members were all backstage with her and ready to go. She wanted to ask them, because they all seemed unconcerned, but they were busy talking amongst themselves and she never found an opening.

Finally, nervous and afraid, she realized the show was about to start. She heard the narrator begin to tell the tale, and got up to go on stage, putting away all but the slightest vestiges of herself and getting in character.

When she stepped out, Lucy was waiting there, and smiled at her. The relief and joy that Alice felt nearly overwhelmed her, and it took all her courage to focus herself and deliver her first line. It was Princess Sasha and Rosetta's first meeting, at the peace talks between the two enemy kingdoms, and Sasha and Rosetta liked each other the moment they met, talking at length in private while the men discussed peace and war. Weeks passed in the story, and Sasha and Rosetta came to their first love scene, as Rosetta was about to depart, the peace talks having broken down.

"Oh, my dearest Rosetta, please don't leave me again!" Alice said, and they came together for their first kiss, only it wasn't just a stage kiss, she put all her heart into it. She wanted to tell Lucy how she felt now, not wait until after the play, and so the only way to do it was through the story. They parted, and Lucy smiled, tears coming into her eyes.

"We will meet again, dearest Sasha, of that I am sure," Lucy said, her voice charged with emotion.

At the interval, however, Lucy rushed backstage and disappeared, and Alice searched in vain for her, returning to find Lucy waiting for her. Lucy took her hand in hers and clasped it tightly, leading Alice out onto the stage before she could say a word.

The rest of the production was a complete success, and they received a standing ovation from the sizeable crowd. Many in the audience had tears on their faces from the final scene where Rosetta sang her song in mourning for Sasha, and Alice felt on top of the world. They finally went backstage, and Alice could see that Lucy was having the best day of her life. Her father hugged her, the cast congratulated her, and they dispersed to pack up and go home, leaving Alice and Lucy alone together.

"Lucy, I..." Alice began, but Lucy silenced her.

"It's all right, Alice," Lucy replied, "I was in my room, and I heard what you said. I'm sorry you couldn't find me before the play. I have to be alone to center myself, because of my intense stage fright. Being around all the hustle and bustle of the cast and crew makes me nervous, so I usually stay alone in my room and come down right when it's time to go on stage."

"I wanted to talk to you so much," Alice said, hugging Lucy, "I'm so sorry. I was afraid."

"It's all right," Lucy said, "I've been there too." They were walking down the hall to Alice's dressing room, and they went inside and threw everybody out before closing the door behind them. Alice dived into Lucy's arms, kissing her passionately, letting all of her emotions overwhelm her completely. Lucy kissed back with fervor and they became more adventurous, groping at each other's breasts and breathing heavily.

There was a knock on the door and they parted as Lucy's father walked in.

"I want to thank you two," he said, "You did a splendid job. I appreciate it."

"Do you think the theater will be saved?" Alice asked.

"I don't know," Lucy's father said, "We'll have to see. But regardless, it was an amazing performance."

"We'll do it all over again tomorrow," Lucy said, "Thank you, Father, for giving me this opportunity."

"Thank you for writing a good script," he said, and left.

"Would you like to go upstairs?" Lucy asked, and Alice nodded, unable to find her voice. She knew what it meant, and she wanted to touch Lucy all over, without fears or reservations.

She opened the door, and Lucy took her hand. They ran like teenagers through the halls, careless and carefree, on top of the world with their success and their love. They rushed up the stairs, and Lucy fumbled with her keys before getting the right one in the lock and turning it. They went inside and locked the door from the inside. Lucy turned on a lamp and pulled down the blinds before returning to kissing Alice slowly and passionately. Alice melted under her touch, not protesting at all when Lucy's hand reached the zipper of her dress and unzipped it, turning her around and slowly pulling the fabric from her shoulders. Alice felt the tender touch of Lucy's slender fingers over her shoulders and down her back and shivered with anticipation. She stepped out of the dress, turning around to show Lucy her naked, full breasts. Lucy took a deep breath in.

"God, get this dress off me before I melt," Lucy said, and Alice unzipped it and pulled it off, exposing Lucy's big breasts. She pulled Lucy close and kissed her again, rubbing her breasts against Lucy's until they moaned into each other's mouths.

They parted, and removed their panties, then stopped to look at one another.

"You are so beautiful," Alice said, "I want you to do everything to me. I'm completely captivated by you."

"I was captivated by you the first time I saw you," Lucy said, "I knew I didn't want anybody else to play the part of Sasha. The first time I saw you in that dress, you took my breath away."

"I want you," Alice whispered, and Lucy led them to the bed, where they explored every inch of one another, kissing and touching until they were sated. Exhausted, they fell asleep in each other's arms, safe and content.

When they awoke, it was to bright sunlight creeping in through the cracks in the blinds. Alice stirred first, and smiling, gently kissed Lucy awake. Lucy stirred, smiling.

"I think I'm in heaven," she said, "My play did well, and you are here with me. Tell me I'm not dreaming."

"You're not dreaming," replied Alice, "Sadly, though, I have to interrupt this happy moment. It's four o'clock already, and we should start getting ready for the second night's performance."

"That's a shame," said Lucy, "I wanted to spend more time talking to you."

"We'll have all the time in the world," Alice said, "Tonight, tomorrow and the day after, and happily ever after if you want it."

"You bet I do," Lucy smiled.

They showered, dressed and headed down to the theater, where preparations for the evening's performance were already underway. They parted and left for their dressing rooms, and emerged ready for their performance. Lucy went up to her room to center herself, while Alice rested backstage, eagerly awaiting the second night and all that would come after. She felt at peace with herself for accepting her love for Lucy, and a great calm had settled over her.

Finally, they appeared on stage and began their performance. The theater was full to capacity, a sight that made Lucy smile when she saw it. Alice loved that smile, and wanted to see the theater full every night if it would make Lucy that happy.

They reached the kissing scene, and as they pulled apart, Alice was sure she could smell a strange, familiar scent in the air which made her stomach turn in horror, the smell of smoke. She turned around to look and saw a small plume of smoke coming from backstage. Lucy didn't seem to have noticed, however, and continued saying her lines, with Alice not missing a beat, even though her heart was racing. The stage filled with smoke and then Lucy's eyes became wide with horror. The crowd started to look restless and worried. Then the fire alarm went off, and the people in the audience started to make for the door, pushing each other and screaming. Lucy rushed backstage.

"Lucy, no! Come back! It's not safe!" Alice cried after her.

"I have to find my father!" Lucy replied, coughing. Alice wanted to flee, to jump down from the stage and leave with everybody else, as fire was her worst nightmare. She had a fear of it that had dominated her childhood, and now her nightmares were all coming true. Cast members hurried out from backstage and jumped from the stage, and Alice was paralyzed with terror. She could not run and leave Lucy, yet she could not face seeing flames licking up through the building. Steeling herself, she forced herself to cover her face and follow Lucy. The smoke was thick and she saw flames eating up the dressing rooms, moving fast.

"LUCY!" Alice cried out, "Where are you?"

"Up here!" came a voice, "Help!" and Alice hurried towards the sound. Lucy had gone upstairs and a piece of wood had fallen and trapped her leg, but flames were eating away at the stairs. Alice could follow, but she would have to hurry, and she knew she might become trapped upstairs. The flames licked away at the stairs and she could not bring herself to come closer.

"I can't!" Alice said, "I can't do it, Lucy! I'm terrified of fire! I can't help you!" Flames were hastily rising upstairs, fueled by an open window and Alice knew Lucy wouldn't have long up there. She wanted to go up, wanted to help Lucy, but she knew she couldn't. Fear coursed into her veins and overcome by terror, she started to scream. Her nightmare, here, in the place that had been her haven. She could not cope and fled, leaving the flames and Lucy behind her. She went out onto the stage and jumped, landing heavily. She pushed through the crowd with madness, leaving the building and she did not stop there. She ran past the fleeing people and cars, fled into the city limits, unable to look back and glimpse the burning theater. She ran until she reached her apartment and was inside, then broke down coughing deeply. She blocked her ears from the sirens wailing in the distance and screamed again, overcome with her terror. She turned the light on and stripped out of the smoky-smelling dress, tossing it in a cupboard where she would not smell that horrific smell and she turned the television on, afraid to be alone.

Sitting on the sofa, it hit her like a ton of bricks and she sobbed uncontrollably, shaking as she did so. She had left Lucy behind, abandoned the woman she loved to die in the flames when she could have lifted the wood from her leg and helped her get out. She had let the fear overwhelm her and she had ran away when Lucy had needed her. Now Lucy was surely dead, eaten away by the flames and she screamed as her vivid imagination showed her an image of Lucy, dead, burnt and charred beyond recognition. She wanted to go back, but her legs threatened to give way when she stood up, and she knew it was too late, far too late. She had left Lucy to die, and Lucy was gone forever because of her. She could have saved her, but she did not. Even love had not been enough to help her overcome her mortal fear of fire, and she had give in to that weakness and lost everything.

She wept for a long time, long after the television had started playing infomercials and the sirens had stopped. She sat and flipped the channels, specifically avoiding the news ones. She couldn't stand to hear it with her own ears that Lucy was dead. That she had killed her by inaction, that she had let Lucy die, that because of her own fear of fire she would never see or hold Lucy again.

Eventually she fell into sleep from exhaustion, but it was plagued with nightmares and she woke screaming. Her mind played tricks on her and she thought she could smell smoke everywhere. She spent the next day checking repeatedly that she hadn't left the oven on, going out into the hallway to check there was no smoke out there, hoping and praying that somebody else hadn't set their place on fire. All the while the thoughts of Lucy haunted her. She was tempted to turn on a newscast, but could not bring herself to do it. She didn't go out for a week in case she saw a newspaper on a newsstand.

Her parents called, but she simply pretended everything was all right. She couldn't tell them about Lucy, about what had happened. She was tempted to move back home, but could not bring herself to face the inevitable questions about what had happened to make her give up her dreams.

Unable to cope, she shut off that part of herself. She no longer read anything about acting, or applied for any jobs. She remade herself into somebody else over the next few months, taking on an office job. She never wanted to act again, and never even wrote down what she had studied on application forms. It was as if that person, that Alice had never existed. She even started to go by the name Alicia, wanting to erase herself and the memory of what she had done.

She never went near the theater. If she saw its burnt out shell, she knew she would know that Lucy had died in there, and she could not think of it. For the next year she took every other route, even if it meant going out of her way.

Alice could not escape the nightmares, though. She became afraid to sleep, sleeping with the lights and television blaring. Her stomach churned every time she heard the sirens of an emergency vehicle passing by, and the reminders seemed to be everywhere. She just wanted to forget, forget what she had done that night, forget that she had ever met Lucy, that a person called Lucy had ever even existed.

Finally she broke down and called a counselor, and sat in the waiting area feeling like a fool in her smart suit, while other weeping and depressed looking people went in and out. Was that who she was, too? Was that was this whole ordeal had done to her?

"Alicia," The counselor said, noting her name, "I'm Marlene, and I just want you to talk about what's troubling you."

"I... I left a woman to die." she blurted out, "A woman I loved. It was in that theater fire, a few months ago now..."

So it was after months of counseling, on the first anniversary of the fire that Alice found herself not avoiding the route to the theater, but purposely taking it. She parked outside, and felt the horror rising in her gut. Was this where Lucy had died? Her counselor had encouraged her to visit the newspaper archives, and she had found that thirty people had died in the tragedy, but had not been able to bring herself to read the names. Knowing that there was thirty was enough, somehow, to know that Lucy was dead. Now she was looking up that building, another suggestion Marlene had made to her. Yet still there was not the sense of closure that she needed. Alice knew that she had to go inside.

The theater was all boarded up, but Alice scouted around the building and found that some of the boards in the back had fallen off, allowing her to climb into the ruins. She found herself shaking as she followed what was left of the corridors, black soot all around her. The smell of smoke was still strong, and she quailed at that scent. She wanted to turn back, but she would not allow herself to. She had run from here once, and she was determined not to run again.

She found the backstage area, and tentatively stepped out onto the charred stage. Looking out over the burnt seats, she looked back upon the year and allowed herself to open the closed box that was the memory of that time they had shared. She remembered all the times they had shared, the laughter and the tears and the awkward kisses, and finally the memories of that fateful night one year ago where she had been overcome by terror and left her love to die.

Alice looked up, her reverie interrupted by a presence in the room with her.

"You are alive!" came a familiar voice from behind Alice.

Alice spun around, "Lucy!" she said, seeing a figure hidden in the shadows, "Lucy, I thought you were dead!"

"I might as well be, I suppose," she said, "for the kind of life I've lived this past year. But yes, I am alive."

"Oh God, Lucy, I'm so sorry! You must hate me for leaving you for dead," Alice cried, standing up on the stage. She wanted to get closer to Lucy, to see it was really her and not her mind playing cruel tricks.

"You were overcome by fear," Lucy said, "I don't blame you, Alice. I'm just glad to know you got out safely. When they couldn't find you, I..." she broke off, "I thought you were dead, Alice. They couldn't account for you, but never found your body either. I hoped you would make contact if you were out there, but nothing was ever heard from you, so I assumed you had died. I put ads looking for you in actors' journals, but nothing."

"I didn't watch the news," Alice said, "I couldn't bear to hear if you were dead because I ran away and left you. I left the acting world because I lost the heart for it, and I work in an office now."

"I'm just glad to know you are safe," Lucy said, "Even if we can never be together."

"What do you mean?" Alice asked, "Please tell me you're not a cruel trick of the mind!"

"No, I am real," Lucy said, "But I'm not the same person. I survived, but was burnt badly. If you looked upon my face now, you would turn away in disgust."

"I wouldn't turn away," Alice said, "It was your inner beauty that drew me to you. It was that beauty that enabled me to look past gender and fall in love with you. I would never run away from you again."

"I'm truly hideous to look upon," Lucy said, "It's easy to say you wouldn't turn away, but you haven't seen me. There's no acting in my future any more, unless it is as a freak." She sounded sad and lost.

"I did this to you," Alice said, "If only I'd stayed and helped, you never would have had this happen to you!"

"It wasn't your fault, Alice," Lucy said, "It was my father who started the fire. It turns out that he had so much debt, even a completely full house for a year wouldn't have paid it off. So, he planned to burn the theater for the insurance money. To make it look like an accident, he did it while the play was in session. He wasn't smart enough to determine that the investigation would discover he used gas as an accelerant. He survived, but he's in jail for life for murder and arson. The worst thing is, I know he did it for me. I know he couldn't afford to buy the theater, but he wanted me to be able to stage my plays. Now I never want to see a play again."

Alice stood up, and started to tiptoe back across the boards to reach Lucy.

"Please Alice, don't," Lucy said, "I'm not sure that I could bear it if you saw me now."

Alice kept coming, "I don't care. I left you a year ago and I won't leave you again!"

A board snapped under her feet and she fell, gripping onto a board with one hand. She looked below, but the darkness went a long way down, right into the basement of the building. If she fell she would at least get a broken leg.

She felt Lucy's warm hands grip her arm and pull her up into the light, away from the hole and to safety. She gripped Lucy's arm before she could retreat into the shadows and looked up at her face. She was, indeed, truly burnt beyond recognition. Even plastic surgery had not been able to preserve much of her face, yet her blue eyes still shone and sparkled with tears. She tried to pull away but Alice wouldn't let go. She saw the hand she held was also burnt and scarred, the skin crinkled and ruined. She held onto that hand, and brought it to her lips, kissing it gently.

"How is it that you don't look away?" Lucy said, "Even my own father can't stand to look at me, and children give me rude comments in the street. I'm useless to everybody now, and can't do anything."

"Can you hold a pen?" Alice asked.

"Yes, but I have no heart to write," Lucy said, "I haven't touched a script since the fire."

"I still have your script," Alice said, "I kept it safe, since it was all I had left of you. You could finish it, I know it would find a buyer."

"There's little point," said Lucy, "I wrote that script for you, in the time that I knew you, but you don't act any more. If our first play went well, I was going to hire you to play that part, but all those dreams are gone now."

"That's not true," Alice said, "It's true I haven't acted in a year, but I could do so again, if I had the right kind of script to inspire me. If we worked as a team, I'm sure that we could find somewhere to take you on as a writer and me as an actress. You can write, and I can help bring it to life on stage."

"It would almost be like acting again," Lucy said, "I would love to give it a try."

Alice held Lucy tightly, "I don't care if you're burnt and scarred, I still love you. Even after all this time, I couldn't forget you. That's why I had to come here."

"I felt the same," Lucy said, "I suffered sixty percent burns though, Alice. It's not just my face that's ugly, it's almost everywhere. I'm not the same person I used to be."

"Neither am I," Alice said, "I suffer nightmares, depression and mental problems. But we'll start over, we'll rise up from the ashes. I know that we can still have our dreams, if we keep trying. As long as we have each other."

They embraced and kissed, and the sunlight broke through and shone down on them, illuminating the tears that flowed down their faces. Then they left, stepping out into the light together, leaving the wreckage and the memories behind them and heading out to make new dreams.