These things are supposed to happen to other people. Not me, not us. Noelle is staring at me. I think she expects me to say something. I just stare back. There's nothing to say. I can't backspace through time with words.

"What do you think we should do about it?" I hear her say. I can't see her anymore, everything is blank. She's getting frustrated that I won't talk her, but I can't move my mouth. My whole body is frozen. I can hear her crying now. She's screaming and sobbing. I still don't move. She storms out of the house, slamming the front door. I turn my head to the noise.

No doubt my mother will ask what's wrong. My limbs are numb so I just stare at the door, hoping it will close and lock itself. I can hear the clock tick on the living room, yet I have no idea how much time is passing. I let my body fall over, lying down on my bed. I hope I never wake up again.

The alarm seems louder this morning. I let the noise fill my head. The beeping might help clear my thoughts. It doesn't. I force myself up and open one eye. Nothing's changed. Same room, same clothes, same pregnant girlfriend. I let myself fall back onto the bed. My pants get twisted around my legs the wrong way. I turn my head to look at all my stuff. Phone, alarm clock, headphones, cassettes, binders, pens, sketchbook, posters. I'd give it all to go back a few weeks. Just for an hour, a minute. Just change one thing.

There's dead silence at the table. I can tell Mom wants to ask me about Noelle. I just look into my empty bowl. Its bright green color hurts my eyes. Once again, like the door, it won't obey my thoughts. I guess I'm not eating breakfast this morning. I wasn't hungry anyway. I think I could throw up on cue. I hear someone coming down the stairs. Father had them carpeted to deaden the noise but the 3rd one down always creeks.

"Greg, you wore those clothes yesterday!" Jenny screams, right in my ear no less. I growl. I can't believe I ever wanted a little sister. I must have been a masochist as a child. "Look, your shirts all wrinkly. I'm not going to school with you looking like that. It's sick."

"Then walk." I respond. I'll wear what I feel like wearing. If she wants to spend 2 hours every morning putting barrettes in her hair that's her problem. I don't look up; I know she's wearing them. And she's probably wearing those neon leggings, too.

"Jenny, we don't need to start the morning with a fight. Greg, go change your shirt, dear." I look up from my bowl to my mom.

"No" Normally I would have added a cynical remark. Not today. Maybe never again. Then I get up and walk outside. The birds are singing and the leaves are that beautiful orange-y red color. It's all mocking me with its joy. I glare, not at anything in particular. Mother opens the front and follows me outside. I keep my back to her.

"Greg, is there anything you want to talk about? You seem upset." She plays the concerned parent act. I set my gaze on leaf that's about to fall of a tree and wait for her to give up.

She starts to say something more but stops. I watch the leaf being ripped away from its home by the wind.

"Well, you should at least eat something before you leave." With that she turns to go back inside. I grab the freezing cold handle of the car door, then pull away. Wrapping my hand in the end of my sleeve I try again. The chill inside the car is refreshing. I sit in the silence for a few more minutes before starting the car, Jenny's cue to get out here before I leave her behind.

The school comes into view sooner that I wanted, it always does. I park the car but I don't get out. Jenny runs out to hug someone. It's as if she hasn't seen them in 10 years. With a sigh I exit the vehicle. I let my hand linger on the door handle, wondering if I should jump back in and drive away never to return. Instead I take a deep breathe and pull my hand away.

I walk toward the school with my head down, so it isn't until I reach the door that I realize Noelle's been waiting for me.

"Come on." She looks angry and I don't blame her. She leads me to the library. I'm not usually one to skip class, but I'm willing to make an exception.

As I sit down it occurs to me I didn't do my homework yet. I also remember a dog I had when I was 7. I think everything runs through my mind. Everything minus one particular issue.

"I've been thinking a lot about what to do about… you know…" She starts. Once again, I lack commentary. She glares at me and continues. "I don't think I'm not ready to be a mother, and I know you can't be a father." Ouch. Harsh Noelle, harsh.

"Well…. I don't really see any other options. Wait, I hear in Mexico-"

"Greg!" She yells and is immediately followed by a loud 'shhh' from the librarian. I think they hide behind the potted plants, waiting for kids to make noise. Noelle carries on in a hushed yell. "Can you be serious for one minute? This is the exact behavior I'm talking about. You haven't even started looking at colleges and you think you can handle a kid!?" I'm not sure if she wants me to answer that or not, so I stare at her. She sighs and after a few moments says "I think we need to have an abortion."

I collapse on top of the table and run my fingers through my hair. I hold my head down while I talk.

"Don't you think that's a bit extreme?"

"What would you suggest we do?"

"I hadn't really thought about it…"

"What have you been doing?" her comments hurt. I look up at her, my breath is becoming uneven.

"Let me think about it." With that I walk away, find an empty stair case, and let silent tears cover my face.

The rest of the day was really just a blur. I skipped lunch; I really just wanted to be alone. I never did think about what Noelle said. At the end of the day I made a bee-line for my car. Unfortunately, Jenny did not. So I was waiting when Travis walked over and tapped at the window. I sighed and rolled it down.

"Hey, what's up?" He says as if nothing is wrong.

"Nothin'… " I keep turning my head to look back toward the school doors.

"Dude, you've been freaked all day. Take a chill pill."

"Hu? I wasn't listening?"

"That's what I'm talking about. Ya know what you need?" To go back in time? "You need to go out with me and some of the guys."

"What? Yeah, sure." I'm not even looking at him any more. I see Jenny open the front door and I start the engine.

So, I end up crammed into a booth at Big Boy. I don't eat anything, don't say much either. Travis keeps prodding me to talk, but there's nothing to say. It's all so trivial.

"This girl switched into my woodshop class. Dude, she looks like the hulk. And then she starts talking about her boyfriend. What dude was lame enough to ask her out?" Cody starts the conversation. Everyone else is laughing, I force a smile. This is so stupid.

"Wait wait wait wait, was she like, Candice sized, or or, Julie sized?" Brandon asks.

"Dude, she was both of them put together!" They laugh again, I look down at my napkin. Does some fat girl really matter? Next week no one will care. Travis nudges me and give me a concerned look. I smile and try to think of something to talk about.

"Jenny wore 12 barrettes one day. I counted" They all stare at me. I look back at Travis. He looks ever more troubled now and leans over to whisper in my ear.

"We're gonna have a talk later." He says. Cody, always the center of attention, has already begun raving about something else.

"Dude, his car was totally awesome!" I sit back and wait for it to end.

That night wasn't the only thing to end this year. Sitting alone in the waiting room, I though of all the things in my life I'd regretted, hoping this wouldn't be one of them. It was overwhelming. I picked up the magazine to clear my mind. My hands shook it so violently I couldn't read it. The receptionist is staring at me now. I smile meekly and put the magazine back down. I ring my hands instead. My watch says I've been sitting here for an hour, but it feels like 20.

I'm not sure how much longer I sat there; all I remember is seeing Noelle finally come back into the waiting room. I stand up and hug her lightly. The doctor says something about rest. I'm just glad it's over.

I drive Noelle home. When we get inside she tells her parents she's not feeling well and lies down in her room. I follow to make sure she's alright. She's crawls into her bed and I kiss her head.

The drive home feels longer than usual. I blare my music and try not to think. One day, when I'm grown up, I wonder if I'll even remember this drive home. Probably not. With any luck I'll forget this whole incident.