Yay! Another one! Oh no!

The Sexy News Show

Narrator: Welcome back! To another edition of…THE SEXY NEWS SHOW!

(Dull clapping heard backstage)

Narrator: I knew we overused that line…

(Fade in. We see Josh Schmidt sitting behind the anchor's desk)

Josh: Good evening, America. I'm Josh Schmidt, filling in for Norman Jason, who unfortunately has been missing for several days. If anyone finds him, or a Caucasian male wearing a grey suit and large mustache please call our offices at (408)123-SEXY. I repeat, that's (408)123-SEXY.


Josh: That was embarrassing. Anyways, we now go onto our first news report of the day.

(Cuts to a man standing in front of a house. His name is Homer. There is loud music and noises coming from the house, suggesting there is a party going on)

Homer: Thanks, Josh. As you can see, I am standing in front of a house. It is dark out, and I am holding a microphone. I am also wearing a jacket made in China.

Josh: uhh…

Homer: There are noises inside the house. I think it's a party. All is not silent. Oh, look! Someone is coming out of the house now! It's…it's Bode Miller!

(Homer runs up to Bode and holds out his microphone as he follows him down the driveway)

Homer: Mr. Miller! Mr. Miller! What are you doing here?

Bode: (in a gangster voice) All these strange events that's happened to me, I think they happened to me for a reason. So I decided to slack off and become a gangsta, yo!

Homer: Um…why?

Bode: I don't know! The feelin's comin' back! I feel more expressed! Now my emotions can run freely! Get out of my face!

(Bode Miller pushes Homer out of the way)

Homer: Take care, Mr. Miller!

(Homer faces camera)

Homer: As you can see, Bode Miller just came out of-

Bode: (off camera) Yo! Who pimped my car???

(Camera pans to Bode Miller, who is standing over a white sedan. There is graffiti all over the car.)

(Camera pans back to Homer)

Homer: Er…I guess someone just vandalized Mr. Miller's car!

(Camera cuts back to Josh Schmidt. He has a retarded look on his face)

Josh: Okay…

(Arnold Schwarzenegger walks onto the set)

Arnold: What the- where am I?

Josh: Um…what is Arnold Schwarzenegger doing here?

Arnold: I was dreaming about big guns and baseballs when all of a sudden I'm here. Is this my room?

Josh: No…


(He leaves)

Josh: (with retarded look) Okay?

(He looks around)

Josh: You know what? This is retarded. Where's Norman? When he gets back, I'm going to kill him. What a crappy job.



(In a busy street. Norman peers out from behind a trash can. Bystanders give him curious looks)

(Norman moves like a ninja from trash can to trash can. Then…)

Borat: (From behind Norman) I don't-a understand. I not gay. I like women.

Norman: AHHH!!!

(Norman jumps up about five feet into the air)

Borat: (puts his thumbs up) You like women? I like you. I like sex.


(He runs)

Borat: Very unusual for an American. Very unusual…

Fade to Black…