i'm burning

i hate the way it's agonizing when i can't see you.
(it's my daily dose of the girl who left me broken and bleeding.)

i almost broke again before the new year. it was too late at night
and the blade was less than a foot away. but i held my composure,
telling myself that if i were strong, i could make it through the night.

as much as this burns is as much as i love the way you look at me
(butican'tevenlookatyou), searching for unanswered questions
as i walk by, trying so hard to pretend that you don't exist.

i remember when i thought the bleeding would bring me closer to you
(but it only brought silence) but i think you are too afraid to accept
that someone like me would bleed after someone such as yourself.
and i never knew who you really were until you never did a thing for me
because for months (turned year), i wanted everything from you.
(now the bleeding is just a process to help me get through the months
and maybe one day, you'll finally see who you really are to me.)

(in the heat of the moment, my reflection whispered what i don't want to hear,
"she's still worth more to you than you realize, my dear, so keep on bleeding."
but then why is it that i feel so worthless to more than just myself?)

i learned a few days ago that i am nothing but a disease to you.
it hurt so much to see you walk away but i painted on a smile
and looked down at my shoes as my scars burned.

(i could have touched you but i would have burned
and scars would have broke open to bleed again.)

i deserve no one (and no one could want me)
because i bleed for you and i just can't let this go.

and if only i was a boy, you would want me (and i would scar-free)
because you are such a hopeless romantic (although it makes me sick
to see you yearn especially when i'm yearning for you (to apologize).