Ummm. This was just sort of a writing vent for me. I was bored one day. Anyway, this is not out of personal experience so don't get on to me about that. Anyway, please read and review. Hope you enjoy!
S. White
The ghost of crowded hallways surrounded me in an icy blanket. I had never really noticed the length of the corridors until I was the only one in it; the rows of lockers with various signs taped to them, the closed classroom doors with their lights off, and the glass windows that exposed a dark, stormy sky outside. The fluorescent gleam of the lights on the newly polished floor was blinding, yet in a way, almost satisfying.
I lifted one of my feet and began to walk down the hallway towards the bathrooms at the end. The sound of my sneakers hitting the floor and my heartbeat pulsated in my head. My breathing became somewhat harder and faster. I couldn't take the constant noise anymore so I stopped, let the silence sink in, and took a deep breath. I looked to my right and realized that I'd reached the bathroom. It was funny how time went so fast everyday at five in the evening, when I was the only one inhabiting the school. I was surprised that I remembered what I did at all. It was all…blurry.
I did a quick check of the hallway to make sure I was alone, and when I was sure that I was, I slipped into the bathroom. I wasn't sure why I was sneaking around. If I was the only one in the school, it wouldn't have mattered who would've heard me. I guess I was still afraid of being caught. I'd been doing this for a few months now and I was at a point of self disgust with myself.
I passed the mirror and barely took time to notice the dark circles under my eyes that had formed from late nights up, trying to do anything but think about how hungry I was. My black tank top revealed my bone-thin arms and I'd looked at them with a sort of want and disappointment.
I didn't want to think about my family, or my friends. What I did, it wasn't for anyone else, it wasn't to get attention, it wasn't a "cry for help" or a belated teenage rebellion. It wasn't to depress my mother any more than she already was. It was just something I did, and I did it for myself. To feel better. I wanted to feel beautiful and strong for once in my life. But, I could never let anyone know. They would think I was weak and that I took the easy way out. If they think this is the easy way out, than I'd like to see the hard way. I don't know if anyone else thought it was easy. I sure didn't. I took one last look at myself and pressed on.
I reached the last stall, and set my back pack down gently. Then I turned to face my worst enemy. It was everything I'd ever hated, but I knew I couldn't live without it. I got down on my knees and tied my hair back into a ponytail. I carefully scooted towards the white porcelain fortress. I drew a toothbrush from the front pocket of my sweat shirt and carefully positioned myself over the bowl. That was when it happened, when it always started. I would gag myself with the back of the toothbrush until I purged.
I wasn't only puking away my food (that would somewhere along the line turn into fat), I was retching all my problems away. My mother's depression, my perfect sister who I was expected to live up to at all times, and my dad's Parkinson's disease.
I terrify myself, when I do this. The echoes of the noise travel from the bathroom walls, to the hallways. I am always surprised at how loud those echoes are, but I know I can never get rid of them.