The lights are illuminating above me - blinking and blinking and my enervating thoughts are oscillating to lithe - no weight to drag me down. And then I step out of the vehicle, strong senses: the smell of winter consumes me, cultivates me. The smell becomes more prominent in my mind; sends me wavering to the past -when I first encountered him. The memories...start to assemble together now: the machines prevailing strings, the intoxication defeating realities, the hysteria of the weekend.

I ascend into this repeating myriad, this new place is my where I reside. The unknowns are scattered, bopping their heads. Steven is sitting at the chair, with a smoke in his hand and his voice is muffling; he gazes upon me holding her hand and just nods letting out that cheshire grin that we both adored. The girls huddle in the bathroom or scamper to my room within the chaos, disarray, new people and the reverberant music. We all pamper ourselves, lipgloss and sparkles and chose a specific outfit for the night. My mind finally adjusts to the gathering and I would realize: I was never alone alone in this apartment; and I liked it because it was intense.

Ryan with your blue sweater, Boston hat and your dance that imitated us all. Mike stashing your massive coat in my room, flummoxed because you thoughtyou would lose your PSP or money, but it was there each time. Brittany squealing over everything that excited her and I, like a song. Megan with a new skull shirt and laughing at the simplicity of Brittany and I. Carla with her lending ears, Sara and her laugh, Stacy evolving from her shyness, Amy annoying me with her songs, but I'd forgive her after that smile. Danyelle with her puffy hair and loud shrieking that always pumped me up. Melissa and Quan with their drama, but I welcomed them both into my heart. Craig visiting, staying over the see every shade in "our home." And the times we'd visit James when he'd be strung out and he left the scene, his morbid

thoughts and liquid dancing. Aaron who emerged when all the hysteriabut elation occurred. He was the newest and soon climbed to our level.

New additions were adding abruptly, Jason, Ro, Amanda and even John (he brought substances that ruined us all...)

Kerri and I losing trail of thought so we'd kiss. And of course, Steven with his ridiculous ramblings - this was the family. The family that connected on a deeper and emotional level, all because of...that club, hours that lingered onto Monday and all of the toxins. Even all these moments I cannot remember, I still cherish as it lingers on in my mind.

Remember the artificial christmas tree? Our sketchy christmas, our Sundays. It was as if these memories were no loner

invested in my mind. Now a tear cascades down my cheek as the memories swarm through me. The elevating sound of a piano brings another tear, the smell of the calgon perfumes sends me back to the all night parties and my Sundays:

the hat tricks, repetitive music, embracing while engaging in a heart felt session, dosing and thinking it special or even a rousing competition.

And before my eyes these bonds started to dissipate. I have stopped grasping the past, the memories live on, and always rejuvenate me when I fell like I am alone.

"Everythings gonna be alright..."

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