When you're numb, nothing really matters, expect the desperate need to feel something. Anything. You won't let yourself cry, or laugh, or refuse to feel anything. You locked it all in for so long, that when you wanna let it go, you can't seem to find the key to them anymore. Numb. You know your eyes are staring somewhere, but you can't see where, cause your attention is turned to the inside. Inside of yourself, reaching out for the smallest glimpse of hope. But it's all so empty… You panic. Could it be that you have no emotions left?
Will you ever be able to just feel and stop trying to understand each and every thing? So you stop thinking. And, as soon as you do, you find you shouldn't have. Too late. You're not in control anymore. And you know that whoever took over you, doesn't seem to want to help you. You get up and walk forward, and, before you know it, the razor's on your hand. Again. It's harmless, you try to convince yourself. Just trying to feel. And then you're bleeding.
It hurts. It's not that much blood, but it's enough. Enough to know that you're still alive. And that you can still feel something, even if it's just pain. You bleed. And it's the only way you can know you're not dead. Not yet, anyway.