wrote this tonight because i think too much. And ramble too much. sometimes i just like random things. i'm going to pretend this is an essay, even though it's kinda not. get over it.


What is it that you fear most?

"Fear", I told him.

"Sometimes fear makes you stronger; makes you tougher. Being afraid of something teaches you how to deal with fear. How to block it, how to let it flow through you. How to control it and how to let it control you. Learning fear should be a part of every childhood. Because it's about learning (self) control. We should make it the new natural selection, those who can't control their fear, will die by its hands. Of course, it'd never catch on. We're ruining our species' strength. Technology is great and everything, but without it, without our brains?

We're just apes but without fur.

Take away our technology and we're just slow prey, no longer the top of the food chain. Not even close, besides, who needs predators when we have violence and each other. Rats are the only other animals that will fight to the death, ants are the only other animals who take prisoners in war (in fact the only other animals who carry out wars). What marvelous company we keep.

But I, sadly, digress.

Fear is an integral part of life and understanding the human condition. Observing someone under fear shows the animal nature within us all, unless of course they have learned how to control the fear. And the simplest way to do this, as things always are, is to perform its opposite. Don't try to control the fear, don't suppress it, acknowledge it. Fear is as much a part of us as happiness or anger. Understand that you are afraid; accept this within yourself, live with it. Humans do not like being afraid because it forces them to revert to animalistic behaviors, understand and acknowledge this, accept that humans are animals, that you are no less or greater than anything else living, that we as a species have only bested the others for a time. It has often been said that one can only destroy a thing when one completely understand that thing. Understand the animal within. Understand your fear. Know what causes it, how it makes you feel. Rationalize your fear. Accept that you are afraid, and then move on.

The hardest step of course, is convincing not only your mind that it is okay to be afraid, but your gut. It is easy to say you believe something, harder to make others believe that you believe it, and even more difficult to actually believe it yourself.

But once you can do this. Once you no longer have to control your fear, it will no longer control you. By simple acceptance you can control yourself again.

Sounds preachy doesn't it?

I do tend to ramble.

Another interesting thing about fear is that, while some level of fear is relatively easy to instill, through sheer brutality or blackmail, the deepest levels of fear come not from beatings and threats, but from careful manipulations of the mind. Some people have this skill, others do not, and still others can learn it, though few want to. Every person is like a flawed stone, every person has at least that one crack running through them and enough pressure will split them, break them into shards of a former self. But ah, my friend, that is disappointing, for what use is a broken person? You do not keep a broken horse, a broken dog? No. You put them down and that is how you deal with broken things. You throw them away, or break them even further. No the skilled intimidator is one who wedges those flaws, those cracks within us, and puts pressure on them, gently. Gently so that it is not noticed until after they are well in place. Then, when he(or she… it is so much easier to think of men as being this evil, but women do it as often, and often even better) applies more stress to these points, bringing the pressure to almost he breaking point, hovering on that knife's edge of difference, beautiful dangerous shameful things happen. Oh that I were better at it."

He smiles and shakes his head.

"Mind blow darling, mind blow, you simply think too much about things that do not matter at all."

I smile and respond with, "But that's the point"