Previously in... Mandabeater Instalment 3: Antarctican Queen...
"We have travelled for years to get here! We tunnelled through the earth to get to Canada, but instead of there, we find ourselves here, on the only continent that we can claim and not over run and steal water from! I claim this land for CHINA!" he roared and planted his flag right beside Sweet Little Mandabeater's.
Mandy's eyes flared red, and her anger made her shake. "World Peace, and equality is above you! I am doing this for the greater good! You will not disobey me!" her voice took on a demonic tone as she ordered dear, dear, Lyssa to send her troops forward, her pasifistic terrorists taking up the rear.
The war for the commons had begun…World War, not World peace is what seems to have been achieved.
Stew happily in your juices until our next, and final instalment…Mandabeater Instalment 4: The Final: (name to come)
"World War? What are we going to do! The Red Cross can't support all the injuries this will cause!" nutty Steph cried, whipping frantically from side to side.
"We are preventing World War Steph." Mandabeater said, still glaring at the Chinese troops. Her image of unquarreled World Peace refusing to be replaced.
"But HOW!!! AHH!!" shouted Chelle.
"Whack-a-Mole!" squealed Suzie. "Oh how exciting! They don't have fairs in the jungle!"
Mandabeater looked quizzically up at Suzie then realized that what she said was correct. "Excellent! This is what we do team!"
The girls huddled closer to hear the plan. The Chinese troops had managed to break through the earth in Antarctica at the same moment that Mandy had been planning on planting her flag, and hadn't moved. So they were still standing centimeters away from their exit holes, which meat that if the girls could push them backwards, they would fall back in, and posting an animal boy at each hole, they would be forced to return to China, within which they would find that they were walled in and as happy as before, possibly happier!
"But how! There are quite a few more of them than us." nutty Steph duly pointed out.
"Well there are more moles than players in the Whack-a-Mole games are there not?" Newyique Chelle quickly said, solving the problem.
"What a genius plan Mandabeater! Troops! Prepare!" dear, dear Lyssa called out guttural orders to her animal generals and the troops were soon placed at strategic places to back up the girls at the exit holes of the small Chinese troop.
"Ok, on three girls. One, two..." the Chinese leader was looking at them suspiciously, "THREE!!"
The girls all rushed in different directions, bowling into men and sending them back into their holes, animal boys then rushing to their positions.
It took a few stunned minutes for the rest of the troop to figure out what was going on and by that time Suzie had taken out a quarter of them with her long dormant Whack-a-Mole skills.
The troop seeing the amazing skill and they way the plan was executed with horrifying accuracy hopped back into their holes the minute they spotted Suzie coming towards them.
Soon after the plan had been put into action the troops had all been pushed back into their holes and Antarctica was an extended part of Mandy-try.
"YESSS! I'm not going to lie to you, once again I am the Whack-a-Mole QUEEN!! Bow to me!"
All the girls allowed themselves a short period of excited squealing, dancing, and pathetic cartwheels before reverting back to "I-am-woman-hear-me-ROAR" mode.
"Now, our next problem on the world peace agenda is WHERE THE HELL IS JEZEBEL?!" yelled Mandy.
"Well she and G Dubya disappeared, and we can only assume they went back to the US because that is where all their power is. Please let's not follow them! I'll be forced to kill Dubya in his own country and that would not be go-oood girls! Heh, heh, heh, he- PLEASE!"
"We have to Chelle! Or else we'll never know how they got there, and what if Jezebel is in trouble?"
"Well it's her fault isn't it? Really, WHO gets involved with a creepy George Bush, reincarnated? It's barely possible, so if you believe it... all the horror to you!"
"Chelle..." the girls were using their 'be-reasonable-not-everyone-is-a-spastic-psychotic pessimistic-writer' voices and Chelle knew that she would be overruled.
"Argh! Fine I'll go."
In a boat, manned by ani-boys, off the coast of the US many hours later...
"Ok, so we all conveniently forgot to remember that there are walls around the countries and that we can't really get in without being detected right?"
"Chelle, just shut up for uno momenté capiche?" Suzie was lounging against the rails of the deck of the boat.
"It's a freaking suicide mission girls. And I for one don't want to do it." newyique Chelle pouted against the captain's cabin.
"Well I don't really want to do it either." nutty Steph muttered.
"We can send the ani-boy's."
"NO!! That would be worse! There is no way they could actually follow orders without a leader in front of them."
"Chelle! I don't want to do it either."
"Well then call in someone who will do anything." Suzie was looking at nutty Steph. "Call in... the Boy."
"Oh dear, not the boy."
"Steph, nobody else will do it. He's the only one, plus you know we'll bully him into it anyways."
"But, but Suzie... I thought that the boy was only ever thought about when we women couldn't handle it ourselves! We can't call in the boy!" nutty Steph cried.
"Yes we can. There is no other way. I'm not going to lie to you, we're all a huge bunch of chickens, understandably since no one wants to be blown up, but even so, no one wants to. So why force one of us, and cause the rest of us misery, when we have a boy who is so completely enamored of you that he will do anything, and competently too!" Suzie was always the obvious one of the group.
"Yes Steph! It's brilliant really, finally there is a purpose for boys on this earth! Plus, after studious Jezebel has been pulled from this horror country, the emergency lid will be snapped into place and the US will be in their own, holographic type world until they can learn to co-operate and share." Mandabeater sounded like a mother talking about her children.
"YES! I am SO psychic! This is totally like the time in Geo class when I said we should tranquilize the population of the US by telling the Canadians had a weird disease and then once they were all drugged up we could fly them to an island and then build a bubble around it and then they's be able to think that they were in their own country and could do whatever they wanted, like take over the world but it wouldn't really be the world, it would all be an optical illusion but the rest of the world would be free of them YES!!! It is so coming true!" (true geo class conversation!)
"CHELLE! Shut up!" Suzie was just shaking her head disapprovingly. "Y'see! This is why you write and why we all just smile and nod at you. You're living in your own little bubble too dear."
"And I liiike it!"
"The Boy! I thought that we were discussing the possibility of bringing the boy in."
"No Steph, we were all waiting for you to summon him. You haven't yet?" dear, dear Lyssa asked, "Well get on with it!"
Nutty Steph looked anxiously around then sighed in defeat at all the excited faces. "Ok, but you cannot blame me for whatever public display of affection he puts on and whatever sappyness comes out of his mouth, or for how he looks, or-"
"Steph just call the Boy already."
She sighed, then beeped her mike phone and got the boy, otherwise known by certain acronyms, otherwise known as John-John, to make his way immediately to their position. Amid much cooing and love noises which were quite sickening to the other members of the group. At one point the ani-boys even started to howl and make a scene.
Sooner than any expected there was a plane droning and as they all looked up to find it, a tiny dot began floating towards them. As it approached, they found it to be the Boy, who maneuvered perfectly to the boat.
"Steph! I am here my darling! Tell me what you need!" he was struggling out of his parachute harnesses and spouting various declarations of love.
The group refused to listen to the sap pouring out of John-John's mouth, and waited until nutty Steph had held off his advances, hand on his chest, him scrabbling to get near, long enough to explain the mission to him. Then a bit longer still while she explained that there were to be NO PDA's until he returned... successfully.
That didn't even shut him up.
Eventually he accepted, and was given a new parachute, and jet pack and directions on the code word which would begin the lowering of the lid, and give him only a short time to escape with Jezebel, minus G Dubya.
The girls were convinced that Jezebel was under some weird kind of spell, and that once away from the influence of the 'reincarnated' G Dubya she would snap back and eventually be able to control her country.
So off John-John went, over the walls of peace, urged on by the girls aboard ship, and then he was gone. Out of view behind the walls.
Once inside John-John, in search-and-rescue mode headed straight for where intelligence sources had pinpointed Jezebel. He was frightened, oh yes. Who wouldn't be of a creepily incarnate G Dubya, but on he strode intent on his mission, only focused on rescuing Jezebel, at any cost... even his life.
Jezebel was currently having a bite to eat with old G Dubya, and had not a care in the world. G Dubya was telling her how to fight back against Mandy and she was lapping it up like a dehydrated puppy. To peek in and see them was utterly putrid.
Any normal person could see that there was a mental deficiency in G Dubya, and an even larger one in the people who listened to him.
But here was studious Jezebel, almost the top of all her classes, listening to this dolt. There was something gravely wrong.
As G Dubya noticed that there was no tea left in Jezebel's mug, he replenished it, not so sneakily inserting an unidentifiable drug into it.
Just as she did with anything her idol gave her, poor studious Jezebel continued to eat and drink anything he handed her, agreeing with his every word.
John-John inched closer and closer to the door behind which his quarry sat and shuddered when he heard the voice of the enemy. Now was his chance, at a pause in the speech he threw open the door and grabbed Jezebel, shouting "COOKIE DOUGH!" into his mike phone at the same instant.
Out he ran, a stunned G Dubya behind him, gawking, before realizing his means of controlling the world was escaping!
"NOOO!!!!" he yelled and rocketed after them.
Jezebel was squirming and yelling profanities quite loud and John-John couldn't take it anymore. He decided to use his 'last-resort' package from the girls, and found a tape player, the tape entitled: George Bush's many speeches.
Thankfully he pressed play and none to gently jammed the headphones on Jezebel's head, she was becoming quite a hassle, but as soon as the creepy voice reached her ears she settled right down, almost to the point of purring.
The footsteps behind John-John grew louder and as he glanced quickly back, he saw not G Dubya, but a whole bunch of little G Dubya's.
"We will get you!! You will not destruct our plan of world domination!!" they yelled as one.
"Ahh!!!" John-John screamed like a girl and put an extra burst of speed into his escape, glancing at his watch he noticed that he had only seconds to get over the wall.
He fired up his jet pack and blasted into the air, quickly rising above the level of the lid, while still moving onwards.
Looking below him his sigh of triumph turned into a hacking cough. The little G Dubya's had climbed onto one another's shoulders and were slowly growing and almost at his height.
"Wow, there were quite a lot of them packed into his body wasn't there."
The lid began to lower, and John-John sighed with relief as he saw the boat. 3 more seconds and he would be there.
He gave his jet pack one more shot of juice and...
Almost had a heart attack when it choked out of power.
"OH DANG NABBIT!" John-John screeched "As if this would happen to me!" he flapped furiously, knowing in his subconscious that we wouldn't make it back to the boat.
He sighed dejectedly as he slumped, letting himself fall back towards the ground, the lid still closing.
"ACKGLABLARGH!" John-John almost choked as his finger caught his parachute release string and a sudden gust of wind blew him seaward.
Watching from the boat, all the girls were anxiously biting their nails. Except the stunned Jezebel, now sitting on the deck, quite a bit water-logged.
No matter how much the girls acted like they disliked the boy, he really was an enthusiastic, and fun part of their odd little family.
He put such oomph into the day, (kind of like an oompa-loompa but not really because they're kinda creepy...) with his Star-Wars, and other random obsessions.
So they all gasped as his body was flipped and flopped in the sky by the apparently angry wind at his level. Except poor nutty Steph who was practically vomiting up her entire digestive tract over the side of the boat.
There was a collective half-scream of terrified relief as finally John-John's parachute tore free from his body (which they aren't really supposed to do but I guess it was a good thing in this instance) and he fell into the water beside the boat.
The water had begun to rage and wave and try to eat the boy before he was rescued. The elements were really against him this day, but he turned out ok, except for a few minor differences, for example, his new found giddiness and laughing at anything, no matter how simple...
The boat was silent, stars twinkling gaily in the sky, and the girls were gathered on the deck munching whatever munchies can be found on a rather creaky boat. They were anxiously waiting for Jezebel to wake up and on their way back to Mandy-try.
Finally she groaned and flopped onto her back, like some kind of beached seal.
Newyique Chelle decided to give her good ol' friend studious Jezebel a taste of her own medicine and she started to sing.
"Row, row, row your BOAT!!!! Gent-ly down the STREAM!!!! Mer-"
"ACKG! Cut it out! I've got a horrible headache."
"Jezebel you're awake!" Mandy spared a short moment for a quick hug, then dove right back into business, the next thing on her agenda list. "Now, tell us what happened back there! We were so worried!"
Jezebel could tell by the look in her eyes that there was no escape so she began.
"Well we teleported back to the US when the opposing troops appeared. I really don't know how because the US hasn't developed that power yet but anywhoo... teleported back and then Grandpa wanted to go right away to the oil countries. So we went, teleported again, again I have no idea how, but when we got there all the oil wells were dry!" she glanced at Mandabeater's slightly psychopathically grinning face.
"It's because the ani-boys drained them and put the oil in storing tanks, to be distributed to the countries in need, and at my discretion! Neat huh?"
"Uh... riiiight. So whatever he was kind of upset and kept mumbling about there being no fumes, there were no fumes for him. So then we teleported back and had some tea. A lot of tea now that I think about it. Enh!! I kinda have to pee!!"
She rushed off to the pee room, apparently talking about all the liquids she had consumed and absorbed through the sea made her remember her bodily functions.
She soon returned and continued.
"So where was I? Tea, right. Tea we had tea and all I could keep thinking was how amazing he is." she sighed dramatically here. "He's amazing! He wanted me to demand to know where the oil was, and I was planning on getting in touch with you until the boy dashed in and hauled me none to gently away."
The Boy had risen from the bowels of the boat and entered the conversation, looking so completely exhausted that all the girls felt an obligatory twinge of guilt.
"WHAT!? HOW DARE YOU!" Jezebel screeched.
"He was. Don't you remember?"
The group could tell she did by her expression, they then turned their attention back to John-John.
"He split into multiple G Dubya's. They looked like bobble heads, and they were all packed inside of him. It was rather frightening." He shuddered and nutty Steph patted his head like a favoured pet. "He was also giving Jezebel some kind of unidentifiable drug, which could explain her obsession."
There were shifty eyes among the girls. None of them wanting to tell John-John the truth about the extent of studious Jezebel's obsession.
"Well at least now she can obsess over him in a natural way again." dear, dear Lyssa said.
"AHH!!!! But what if the little aliens get out! And, and AHH! what if they teleport to places around the world!! OH MY FIDDLES!!" newyique Chelle was almost as hysteric as she was when she found out her brothers were still (sadly) alive and well.
"Um, uh well I don't believe they will be."
"Oh yeah boy! And why not?!" Chelle turned on him.
"Well because I remember fleetingly before the parachute knocked be out, that it ripped my jet pack from my back, and all the little Dubya's were on one another's shoulders and, it uh, hit them and exploded..."
There was a shocked silence as this all settled in, then...
"WHOOO HOOO!! Can I get a WHOOP WHOOP!"
"How completely awesome! WICKED!" Suzie followed Chelle's outbreak.
"NO MORE MINI ALIEN REPRODUCTIONS! SCORE!" came Lyssa's voice.
"NO MORE POLITICAL ENEMIES!!" yelled Mandy.
"NO MORE ICKY UNIDENTIFIABLE DRUGS!"
"Riiiiight. Well... ani-boys! Check the facts of this report and be prepared to go buy munchies upon our immediate arrival at Mandy-try!" dear, dear Lyssa gave her orders quickly.
"So what are we going to do tonight girls?" ask Jezebel. Now back to her perfectly normal, only semi-creepy obsessive, happy, cheery self.
"The same thing we do every night Pinky. Try to take over the world! Mwa ha ha ha ha Ha HA!!!! hack hem hem. Ow."
"But Chelle we already created world peace! There's no chance of world war anymore! What else could we want?"
"I have no idea."
"Oh. oh! I know! GIRLS NIGHT!! EEEE!!!"
The women turned and silently shook their heads at John-John, still looking expectant for their approval.
Seven sappy girly movies and many, many sugar and hip enhancing snacks later, the girls were passed out in a pile, happily enjoying one another's company.
"So girls. Life is sweet non?" Mandy asked.
"Oui oui mes amours. Sweet as bananas."
"Chelle you're such a goof!"
"Suzie you're such an Antarctican!"
"Lyssa you're such a nerd!"
"Steph you're such a goofus!"
"Well I'm not anything!"
"Oh yeah?" threatened Steph.
"MANDY'S A KEENER!!!!!"
(until World Issues class that is)
A/N: So, just so everyone is aware I am aware that there are some things in this story and Instalment Three that could be mistaken for racism or along those lines, etc and I just want to make it clear that I don't condone anything like that and all that I was doing was making a satire out of the completely ridiculous sterotypes that travel around this world of ours. So... I'm sorry if I might have offended anyone, 'till the next time...
the March Hare