A: Rude teenage girl.
B: Old woman of about 70, who recognizes girl from sometime back. She is deaf, unaware of modern trends, and has a corny sense of humour.Setting:
Plain backdrop. The only thing that is required is a bench of some description.
(B walks into a park and sees person A. Person A is sitting on a park bench listening to music. Person B approaches person A, sits down beside her, and turns to her.)
B: Oh, hello dear. Long time, no see! How are you?
A: (Glares at B.) Good. (Continues to listen to music.)
B: What was that dear? I'm sorry. I'm a bit hard of hearing lately.
B: No, it isn't good at all really, in fact, it's terribly unfortunate… I've had to pay ever so much money on the best hearing aid…
A: (Murmurs.) You could aid me by being quiet.
B: What was that love? Speak up please!
A: I said… that's bad that you had to buy it.
B: Oh no. It's not bad at all. In fact… it's of the highest quality. .
A: You wouldn't be able to tell…
B: What was that? Oh, never mind. What have you been up to lately?
B: Nothing? Nothing really suggests that you've been up to something, because nothing is undoubtedly something, isn't it my dear?
A: Come again?
B: Come again where? I haven't gone anywhere. Or did I not hear you correctly?
B: I did hear you correctly?
B: So, yes … I didn't hear you correctly?
A: No. Yes, you didn't hear me correctly.
B: Yes or no?
B: Yes to no?
B: Ok. No to no.
A: No. Yes. No. Oh!! Now I'm confused.
B: Forget it then. Where did you get that lovely shirt from my dear? The girls these days dress ever so stylishly.
B: Ummm… oh, I don't know… where do young ladies such as you shop? Um, Walmart?
A: No. Guess.
B: Er… well, I'm a bit rusty in my fashions dear…. Umm.. Sears? Er…. Macies?
B: The Saly Army? You can get some great finds there you know. In fact… I found my daughters wedding dress there for only-
A: No! Guess!!!
B: I'm tired of guessing. Why don't you just tell me my dear?
A: The store Guess.
B: I'm not an idiot love… you don't have to mix the words around for me to understand that you're telling me to guess the store.. I understand. But I don't like guessing games. Can't you just tell me?
A: You're confused.. (A puts headphones back on.)
B: A store called "You're confused"? You wouldn't think that would make much money would you?
A: No! You don't get it. The name of the store is Guess.
B: Oh, how silly of me. I should have known. So the name of the store is Guess?
B: It's "yes"? Oh dear. But you just told me that it was called Guess.
(A grumbles in frustration, and begins to ignore the old lady. B looks upset… but then proceeds to further inquire into the life of A.)
B: What is the name of the group that you are listening to dear? I'm trying to learn up on the names of modern groups. Stay nice and hip so I can relate to the grandchildren.
A: The Who.
B: The grandchildren.
A: No… the bands name is "The Who".
B: I didn't hear… the what?
A: NO! "The Who".
B: Why are you asking me? I don't know, that's why I'm asking you… what's the groups name?
A: The Who.
B: The group!!
A: The groups name is The Who.
B: Oh. The groups name is The Who.
B: I see. Imagine that.
A: Imagine what?
B: Imagine that… what a strange name.
A: The who?
B: No. Not the who! The what! The name! It's strange. My goodness, I think that you need a hearing aid more then I do.
A: You must be jokin.
B: Pardon me?
A: I said… er… what was that that you've spoken?
B: Oh. I just said… that that name of that band was very strange. Everything is so strange these days. You can barely tell left from right.
A: Yup. You're right.
B: Or… am I left? (Chuckles.)
A: What? Left where?
B: I see that you don't understand my sense of humour my dear.
A: (Murmurs.) That's because I'm not literate in "annoying old lady".
A: (Laughs to herself.) I said… err… oh what the heck? That's because it's kinda shady.
B: It's not shady here at all, my dear. It's nice and sunny. But I fail to see the relevance of that point.
A: (explodes.) Do you know what?? I'm just trying to listen to my music! You're being-
B: I'm being what?
A: (meanly.) Guess.
B: …The store?