Characters
Sam: A loserish fat hobbit gardener.
Frodo: A mental hobbit that keeps on getting perved over by his fat gardener.
Gollum: A weird foul creature that is obsessed with following the above.
(Setting: on a mountain/volcano - I forget it's name)
Sam: We must keep going master Frodo!
Frodo: Sam I can't go on!
Sam: (Smiles with glee) Then I'll carry you! (Hoists Frodo onto his shoulders making very sure to touch his arse)
Lesley: (Her voice is carried through out the land) EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! HOBBIT SEX!
Sauron: (Focuses eye on the 2 hobbits) Now that's a good sight! It's so... so... um what's the word?
Brynushaarg: (pops up from behind a rock) Um sexy? Funny? Cute? Natural? Disgusting?
Sauron: Thrilling! That's the word!
Lesley: (Sounds like a woman from one of those racist black American movies - what the hell?) Are you crazy? um hm Hobbit sex is so disgusting! um hm
Sauron: What the hells with the um hm?
Lesley: Are you being racist?
Sauron: (Sounds annoyed) I can't see how I can be racist as I have no form no colour and no race.
Brynushaarg: (Sounds scared) Um sir ... Mr flaming eye in the sky ...
Sauron: (Looks at him) What is it mere orc?
Brynushaarg: (Looks offended) First I am no mere orc! I am the loveable humorous Legolas obsessed Brynushaarg!
Sauron: (Rolls eye) I'm sure you are ... So get on with it?
Brynushaarg: As I was saying ... um well you do have colour seeing as you're sort of orange and black.
Sauron: That's not the point! The point is ..
Frodo: Coughs Can we please get on with the story?
Sauron: Oh yes sorry!
Sam: (Starts walking very slowly) We should do this more often you know mister Frodo!
Frodo: What save the world? (looks and sounds confused)
Sam: (Sounds embarrassed) Well yes but also we should do piggy backs and things.
Frodo: (Sounds very, very scared) Um I don't think that will be necessary!
Sam: (Gets firmer grip) I think it will!
Gollum: (Jumps at Sam from rock) No it won't he's mine! All mine! Get your dirty little hands off him!
Sam: You're dirtier than me!
Will we get a fight?
Will Frodo run from Sam?
Will we find out where Lesley's voice is coming from?
Find out next time