So, Chris still isn't talking to me, but that's fine as far as I'm concerned. Ok, I'm lying, it's not fine, but it's better than him being dead and not being able to talk to me instead of him not doing so out of choice. Though I have done one thing to prolong his life and put off his inevitable death. Well, it may not be inevitable as I could go back to Jemaine, but at the moment, I really hope that isn't my only option.
Anyway, back to what I have done. I have moved from my irritating, god forsaken home in Surrey to Brighton. I know what you're thinking; why the fuck have I moved to Brighton, what good will that do? Well, my so-called brilliant plan was to move away and put distance between me and Chris. By doing so, I was hoping that Jemaine would think that the threat on his life was meaningless to me so there would be no point in killing him. Jemaine isn't too clever, so I think that this may work, for at least a while anyway. Also, by doing so, Jemaine can't find me and threaten me so easily. To be honest, I'm not so sure this will work.
At the moment, I'm living with a friend that I've known since I was about six years old, Miles. I needed a place to go and he had room in his new flat, but soon he's going to need to get a room mate that has a steady job to help pay the bills and everything, I'm still working on getting a shitty job. Also, I know Jemaine will track me down somehow, as usual, or worse hurt someone I care about to get to me. I found out a week ago that he's already found out who my sister is. Yes, I am well aware that I hate Felicity, but she's still my sister and I don't particularly want her blood on my hands, figuratively of course. You see, I'm not an evil person, I'm just misunderstood, at least that's what my shrink used to tell me, I can't be completely sure it was ever actually true. I know, a tangent yet again! I really should stop that, but well, who gives a shit? You can't talk back.
So, not only can that not last, but I actually miss my home. Ok, maybe not my actual home home, but I miss my friends, my brother, the skate park, the parties, but most of all I miss Chris. I know, I know, it wouldn't be any different if I was still in Surrey as he wouldn't be talking to me, but maybe I could do something that would make him talk to me, make him forgive me.
I guess you're wondering what I've actually been doing in Brighton since I moved here last week. Well, for one, I've been trying to get a job, waitress-ing seems to be the only jobs going, but they don't pay that well, which means I'll be out quicker so I've decided to look into getting a fake I.D. so that I can do bar work at the very least. Miles and I are still working on a way to get Jemaine off my back, and away from my friends and family. He doesn't know about the prostitution, but I told him that I was in debt to him for a grand total of £6,000, not an amount of money that we could pull together. Miles, being the type of person he is, knows all about dealers and what they will do if you owe them a little bit of money, let alone that much, so I didn't really need to tell him the specifics, thank god, if I told him that I would probably have burst into tears and I tell you now, I am not one to cry, ever.
The best idea we've come up with is to get Jason back up here to have a word, but with Jason comes even more problems. You see, Jason got a bit obsessed with me after we broke up, he actually stalked me until he realised that all hope was lost. If I bring him back here to rescue me, he might think that there's hope yet and I really don't want a stalker for another year, it was enough hassle last time with his uncontrollable rage taking over him when he didn't manage to get his way. For those five months when he was stalking me before, my front door went through a lot of damage, as did my new boyfriend.
So now I'm weighing up all the options. I could just stay in Brighton and put it all behind me, risking the lives of my family and friends that remain in Surrey, or I could get Jason to have another word with Jemaine, which means I would have to put up with Jason stalking me and trying to get me back, oh and his rage, or I could go back to Jemaine and be a prostitute yet again. To most people, Jason or being a prostitute would seem like the best idea, but those people obviously don't know what they're talking about. If you're a prostitute, you get the shit beaten out of you, you become a piece of meat that's tossed about from one person to the next, you have no control over your life, you learn to hate yourself. With Jason, I still hated myself. I turned another human being into someone that probably hated themselves. I would be just as bad as Jemaine in my books if I did such a thing to Jason, I do still care about him after all. He was my first long term relationship, he was my only long term relationship, all the others, I barely considered flings.
This really sounds like I want all my friends and family to die, that I don't care about them, but that's not true. I'm not making excuses so that I don't face up to my problems, I'm just stating the truth. Prostitution or Jason seem like the easy choice, but they're really not. You have to think of the implications, that's all I'm saying. Maybe I should just rethink it all and try and find a better solution. If I can't think of one, prostitution here I come, because I refuse to let Chris die.