Death's Cold Waters

I stand looking into the shifting waters of the lake below me.

I want to leap into the waters, but my mind holds me back:

What if the water is too cold?

Will I hit my head on the bottom that I cannot see?

Is the water polluted?

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I pace on the ledge, trying to gather my courage,

Trying to turn off my mind and just jump.

I look at the waters again, hold my breath,

Leap.

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The wind rushes past my ears as I fall.

A scream of excitement, mingled with fear,

Escapes me.

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The water rushes up at me,

Enfold me in its shocking coldness,

Knocking the breath from me

Leaving me cold,

Disconnected.

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I fight to break the surface,

But I am confused,

Disoriented.

There is water all around me.

I cannot find the light to direct me

Home.

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Struggling,

I no longer know which way is up,

Which way is down.

I can see nothing but the darkness of the waters

Everywhere around me.

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Panic fills me.

My breath no longer sustains me.

My lungs are screaming for air I cannot give.

I am falling further from the light,

From my escape.

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My head whacks the bottom of the lake.

I cry out and water fills my lungs.

I lay on the bottom,

Alone.

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Dying.

I Wonder if anyone will even know,

Or care to try to find me.

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Just as the light is dimming,

Just as I am about to fall into oblivion,

Strong hands grab me,

Pull me from my darkness.

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The water is forced from my lungs,

I can breath again

Though it is painful, raspy, unsure.

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I lay alone, coughing and cold,

Hurting everywhere and

Nowhere.

Wanting nothing more than to know

I am safe.

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My rescuer seems to have left me alone,

Believing perhaps that I would survive.

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If I am alive,

Why do I feel so dead

Inside?