I was but a lowly maid sent to the castle by my peasant family to pay off some of our debts. And as many servant maids was in the castle back then, we may not have the right to speak out but we see all that goes around. We were the eyes and the ears of the castle. Your typical gossiping maids that sends the castle news from knight to guard to page and even stable boy. I, we saw it all unfold: from the famous story of Arthur and the Round Table to everything else along with it. But as they say, legends are written by victors so you can't say that everything that you've heard and read about us was true. I and the other maids can fully attest to that. But as we are but lowly servants, no one higher than us would heed our words to be true so it became what they call gossip. But enough about us, I think it is about time we start the real story of Camelot, one that which was never written.
While it was true that Lord King Arthur was a good and just ruler, he also had his "moments", as you say. For one, everyone in the castle knows that His Majesty could never hold his liquor, not even a drop. This was proven at once on his wedding celebration where it was said that he drank his first glass with Her Ladyship Gwynevere. Needtheless to say that after that one glass, His Majesty immediately looked pale, and promptly threw up on Lady's dress. But of course, that matter was immediately hushed up as to not embarrass the king further, not that mi'lord remembered any of it come morning. And nobody did have to gall to tell the incident to him either.
But then mi'lady also has had one of those 'moments' much like her husband. We saw a glimpse of that in the same wedding celebration. It was right after His Highness had vomited on her dress, when she flew in a rage, creating havoc towards everything and everyone she met. And my, who knew that our calm, serene, fair Lady had such strength when angered? Why, it took ten of the would-be knights of the round table to simply subdue her and keeping her from straggling her newlywed and unconscious husband to death. Well, Master Merlin did say that 'hell hath no fury, like a woman scorned'.
Oh, Master Merlin, heaven thank him for coming to the knights' rescue! T'was him that saved them from the Queen's wrath and made her sleep with his magick. And though us folks don't really believe in it, we being Christians and all, it sure is handy to have the Master around, especially on times like when we really needed to dry out the laundry and he would get us a nice hot wind going to help. And then there was the time when the stable boy had accidentally let all the animals loose and Master Merlin… oh wait, so sorry, but that's a tale to be told for another time. Maybe then I'll call it "A 100 ways to make use of a powerful wizard inside your home." Getting back, the whole matter was as said before was all hushed up and no one ever since dared make the Queen angry nor make His Highness be near anything with alcohol since.
But, you know, being the eyes and ears of the castle isn't all that we mere servants can do. Why, sometimes we get to play major roles in some of the many stories and mysteries of the castle. Like how the famous Round Table was actually supposedly a table with 12 sides, only His Kingship couldn't draw even if Excalibur depended on it, so much so that when a maid was asked her opinion on the said drawing, she thought of it as a circle instead, giving the king the idea of a round table and also saving him the effort of having to draw a better one.
Or how the supposedly gallant and pure Sir Lancelot was actually bent on courting a servant girl bearing the same name as the Queen and was practicing his lines when the said Queen overheard him and jumped to conclusions. It didn't help matters that Sir Lancelot was quite the player and that he had already set his sights on us maids for quite a time, planning to go over us one at a time. Nor did it help that mi'lady had been sorely missing her husband since his departure, most especially on their bed. Obviously, we all know what had happened next.
And even, how the Holy Grail was never found by the king and his knights because Master Merlin had decided to use it as his hearing aid. T'was our fault really. It happened before the king went on his quest. We maids were walking along the river bank, thinking of a way to thank the Master for all his help, when one of us suddenly tripped, and lo! We had unintentionally found the Holy Grail. We then waited for a right time to present it to him. Unfortunately when the right time came, the Master mistook it as what he called a "telly-fawn" and placed it in his ear. I guess the rumor that I heard from the stable boy was true when he said that the Master had poor eyesight. Imagine having the Master mistake you for cattle. And when we tried to explain what it really was, he suddenly exclaimed that he could hear us a lot better with it and so thanked us greatly and went on his way before we could stop him. It was only after His Lordship went off to their quest did the Master finally realized what his "hearing aid" really was. (Insert the line from the movie "Merlin" where Merlin said in the narration that Arthur searching for the Holy Grail was a fruitless journey :P)
There are many more stories that I would like to tell about the real Camelot but unfortunately, we hadn't got the time since we're off to see Her Lady be "tried for treason". We maids though already know that it was merely a common prisoner dressed up as the queen to fool everyone else. There's even talk that Sir Lancelot is going to rescue his fair "lady". We're even betting with the royal guards to see if Lancelot would realize before or after he rescues "her" that the one he saves is actually even a real woman or not. We maids are betting on after he rides off and the guards are betting on the former. All I can say is we can't wait to see the guards all dressed up in their "maiden attire."