-1Laura Mae Herrick

Ms. Murphy

English IV

21 February 20

"Save the Humans! "

After reporting on the lives of earthlings many times using other's information, I decided to take my own trip to ascertain how valuable these earthlings are as a species for myself. The only time slot that I could get for the beamthing was at four of the clock in the afternoon of an Earth day for only five minutes of earth time in a household in Upland. This Upland sounded like a nice place, and I had hoped that I would be able to find sufficient information to further the human rights movement on our planet of Narth. It was imperative that I find proof of their intelligence so they could be taken seriously in their wishes.

I was beamed down into the yard of a medium sized home that looked well-kept and went in the door with high hopes of finding evidence to move our humans on Narth from the social status of pets to citizens, despite their impractical natures. I went down a short hallway into a room where a curious box dominated a corner of the room and a seating area was placed opposite the box. This box was extremely large with a black screen, yet it was also flat at the same time. Upon further examination of this bizarre flat, box I deduced that it was a device used most likely for important conferences and communications between earthlings, much akin to narfian garfles. I pressed a button on the garfle-like machine and the screen came to life with a bright burst of light and noise. It could only be called noise for it was so loud and garbled that none, I would think should be able to withstand it. I pressed another button so the noise would down to a respectable level and my hearing would return. Most earthlings must go deaf since their communicators are turned up so loud.

Then, my attentions turned toward the picture flashing on the screen where a group of people in strange, restrictive clothing(maybe these were designed for war training?) were gathered in a forest clearing at a "training seminar". They were then attacked and started running out of the forest and, unknowingly, over a cliff. A voice then said that one shouldn't only survive the workweek and to go to instead. I was greatly confused, I had always thought that humans were hardworking and wouldn't need a career to 'remedy' their situation in life. Not only that, but the place where they worked was a barbaric forest. I find it no wonder that they wished to leave, however if they chose that place then they should want to be there. The next picture confused me even more, there was a classroom full of people who were learning how to ask for a "bud light" in many different dialects and if someone asked them for a "bud light" then all they had to do was say " no speak English" and keep their "bud light". I find it sad that these humans are so selfish to keep to themselves what they would ask of others. I do not know what this "bud light" is but it must be far too tempting for humans to withstand. If so, shouldn't this be eradicated from their society? I shook my head in exasperation, this was not turning out as well as I would've liked. However, a nice little story came on the screen as I pressed one more button. It was of a paper man who went out of his house to be carried by an abnormally large bird to a forest where he and a group of his associates slayed a dragon for an "American Airline" . He then returned home. I see no real value in this only the innocence of the human mind that I know and I am greatly relieved that there is still some good quality in the humans. The next sequence was also of a fantastical nature as it consisted of a crustaceous being talking to an earth vehicle and wanting to "pinch it". The vehicle threatened the crab with tongs and hot butter to make it run off. I am horribly appalled that not only humans, but their vehicles too must feel that they have to threaten another being to make them leave them alone. I couldn't take anymore of the earthling's nonsense box and turned it off. I left a minute early to return to our own peaceful Narth and depart this sad news to you, my fellow citizens.

I can only conclude that these humans are whimsical, selfish, practically deaf creatures in general who, in all reality don't deserve to be more than pets. I am afraid that I must change my resolve from freeing the humans to removing them from their horrid planet and eradicating that vile environment from which they come from. They should be educated in practical ways to serve their country and be kind to one another. This cheerless message I now leave you, my readers, to ponder and think on. We must save the humans before they destroy themselves completely.