I said I wouldn't. Never again. I said I wouldn't. I said I wouldn't. I don't want to make a mountain out of this ant's view of my situation, but I feel like the world is falling down around me. I am chained in place until I am covered in rubble, and I am crushed under the weight of my expectations, and I am ground into fine glass shards of my limitless self depreciation, and I am gone, and I am done, and I am fed up with being disappointed in my missed opportunities. If I was not myself these days it is only because I did not allow it, and if wishes were fishes I'd stink to high heaven, or so they say in the stories I imagined as a child climbing down the stairs. Back then I was limitless and I was going to fly some day, even though I have no wings. But my imagination takes flight and my mind prone to floating. As is proven by this subconsciously artistic self-mutilation I am performing with my paper and pen right now. I lam dried up and worn out, and I am not feeling quite as steady as I probably should. Or would, given the chance. But chance is a funny thing that I do not laugh at out of respect. Because chance is what brought me to this point, and chance is what made you and me an us. And chance and happenstance tend to make my brain do back flips. If chance were a man I'd kiss him as I held a gun to his head. But I am not a fan of firearms. I prefer to slice and dice. But I said I wouldn't. Never again. I said I wouldn't. I said I wouldn't.