"Why am I here?" This was the hundredth time I had asked myself this question and I still didn't have a good answer. Since I was clearly hopeless I turned to my best friend, Nicky.
"You are there to socialize, to make yourself known, and to have a little bit of fun. Sabrina, you need to loosen up." Nicky's voice said through the end of my cell phone. This call was costing me but I needed some sort of reason in my head right now.
"Fun. Fun? Nicky,' I lowered my voice to a whisper, 'I am stuck on a very cold mountain with very snobby, very skinny people who don't even know I exist and these are the people I've worked with for the past three years! Please explain to me how this is supposed to be fun?"
"You have such a bad attitude. Besides, you've only worked with them for a year and a half. You are currently in one of the most beautiful ski resorts we know of and on one of the most beautiful and peaceful mountains in driving distance. You're surrounded by beautiful and motivated people who could become connections to a better job if you only took advantage of it. Get your head focused and network baby!" She sounded sickeningly enthusiastic and she was unfortunately right. So annoying.
I sighed. "Okay so maybe you're right but I've never networked before." I could hear the whine in my voice and even I was getting sick of myself. "I'm not the socialite of the family if you remember correctly, that's Molly!" Molly was my blond bombshell of a sister. She's an instructor at a 'Do It Up Fitness' and between the hair dye and the endorphins from exercising she was practically a Barbie doll on speed. "What if I say something stupid?"
"Look, there hasn't been an intelligent word that has come out of any human being's mouth since reality TV became the latest craze so I really wouldn't worry about it." Good old Nicky, I could always count on her to make me laugh. "Why don't you at least try skiing a little? It can't hurt and you never know; you might actually have fun. Maybe you'll even meet a successful, good looking, male-type lawyer on the ski lift!"
"If I do I'll make sure to give him your number."
"That's my girl! Now go out there and be a social butterfly!"
I decide Nicky was probably right at least about the skiing bit. I'd always enjoyed skiing the few times I'd done it and I had paid enough for this trip that I should at least ski once. I had gotten at the resort two days ago and I still had two days to go. I worked at James, John and Matheson, a very prominent law office. The heads of the company had planned this trip to help people relax and get to know each other better. They really had chosen the best resort close to the city. The whole resort was made of wood ceilings and flooring and various glass walls so you could catch the gorgeous hills right from your room. Where the view was concerned I really couldn't complain. Beautiful snow covered mountains surrounded us with trees in little patches. You could cross country or down hill, which ever you chose. There were skiing lessons too for those of us with a little less skiing experience. I probably should have started out with that but the first day we got here I didn't feel like braving the cold and the second day I had just walked around a little. Okay so maybe I was making excuses but being in a place where I barely knew anyone was slightly intimidating. I didn't want to take a class now, everyone from my work would have taken it already and I'd probably be stuck with a bunch of 5 year olds who could still do a better job than I could so I decided to just try a little hill.
I surveyed my surroundings. By this time I had made my way outside and was standing about ten feet away from the main entrance. I looked back over my shoulder longing to go back in and grab some hot chocolate, which I would of course spike in my room. I felt like a five year old child screaming to go home on the first day of daycare but we all have to grow up sometime.
With my skis strapped on and bundled up in the most ridiculous outfit I had ever worn I went outside in search of a hill that didn't look too threatening. I saw one that wasn't too scary looking so I decided to investigate and see if it was safe. It wasn't too out in the open and bonus, it had a little bar you could hold on to bring you up which meant your feet stayed on the ground. I hate ski lifts, I always have. Being that high up in the air with my feet dangling is not something that makes me feel secure.
The bar was attached to a long pole that went up about 15 to 20 feet above my head. It looked like an upside down 'T'.
I trudged over to the hill and prepared myself to grab the little bar. It went down to about 4 feet off the ground and I assumed the top of the 'T' were my handles. I glanced around to make sure no one was watching and grabbed onto the bar. It started up the hill and I thought I was doing pretty well until about a quarter of the way up.
That's when the bar started to sink. Shit.
It was very quickly lowering under the pressure of supporting me. There was no way I was so fat I was weighing down the bar… was there? It was lowering pretty fast and I started to panic as my body bent into a 'U' shape.
I was practically hunched over with my face in the snow when I grabbed hold of the upper part of the bar. Or at least I tried to grab hold of the upper part of the bar. I fell on my butt pretty abruptly. Completely embarrassed I tried grabbing hold of the bar to lift myself up but the darn thing kept lowering on me. That's when the lift stopped and the door of the hut at the top of the hill opened. I looked behind me, unable to get up because of the skis, and to my embarrassment saw what looked to be a 4 year old child sitting on 'T' bar. I looked up to see a very good looking guy walking towards me with an amused look on his face. That's when it hit me. This was a ski lift for toddlers. It was all starting to make sense.
"Need some help?" Why did ski lift people have to be so good looking? This would be much less embarrassing if he was ugly.
"Ummm, I think I may have gotten on the wrong hill." I said, feeling my face go completely scarlet.
"Mommy, look! The old lady fell and she can't get up!" I hate children.
I looked back to glare at the kid and that's when I saw three adult like people standing at the bottom of the hill staring at me. Of course I recognized them to be people from my work. There were two men and a woman. The woman I recognized as Natasha Fact, Mr. Matheson's evil wench of a personal secretary. She took every opportunity to make me feel like the stupid twit she thought I was. Beside her was one of the junior lawyers, Ted Baleman, a nice guy but there was no way he would last at this company. He wasn't nearly competitive enough and they would eat him alive. Beside Ted was someone I didn't recognize. His hat hid a good portion of his forehead and the side of his face; it was the kind with the little flappies on the side to keep your ears warm.
After the good-looking-ski-lift-guy helped me up twice (I fell back down the first time, I think one of the evil gremlins behind me threw a snow ball at me) I made my way down the bunny hill, my head lowered in pure humiliation. Natasha, Ted, and Hat-Boy had left, apparently having enough of my humiliation. I was shuffling my way across the snow planning on the exact words I was going to use when I explained to Nicky how I was going to kill her when I heard a voice that made me go colder than the chunk of snow currently melting in my jacket.
"She is such an idiot, even the children were making fun of her! Did you see how clueless she was stuck on that hill, she didn't even know how to get up!"
"Oh come on Natasha, I'm sure she didn't know it was a hill for kids." That was Ted, see what I mean, too nice.
"Of course she didn't Ted, that's the point. The girl is more clueless than… Oh hello, Sabrina."
Around grade 6 you begin to realize that girls say things without saying anything at all. For example, when Natasha said,
'Oh hello, Sabrina,' what she meant was, Hello, you loser.
And when I said, 'Natasha,' what I meant was, Bitch. Get the drift?
"Having fun on the hills?" Translation: We saw you make an ass of yourself on that hill and will never let you live it down.
"Oh, haha, yeah well it has been a while since I've been skiing." Please don't hurt me.
"And what an interesting snow suit you're wearing. I haven't seen one of those since the 90s." You are an ugly cow and I enjoy kicking you while you are down.
Now if I was a more confident person at this point I could have said something along the lines of, 'Wow Natasha, I didn't think you had time between stripping and going down on anything with a penis to notice what people actually wore in the 90s. Good for you, multi-tasking is really important in today's workforce!' Translation: You are a sluty whore, back off. Of course, I've never been all that confident.
"Yeah well…" I am easy prey, just kill me now.
"You know Sabrina, there are other ways to get noticed outside of wearing neon clothing. But then again, it kind of suits you." Okay.
After that embarrassing fiasco I decide to skulk back to my cabin and be unnoticed as possible. I had been outside for a total of one hour and twelve minutes. Go. Me. After I showered and got changed into jeans and a sweater I went down to the restaurant with a book and my purse. I decide to treat myself to a hot coffee and a brownie.
I've been diabetic since I was 5 years old and I keep myself relatively healthy but every once and again a girl's got to splurge. In my books, being completely humiliated not only by my own stupidity but also by a pack of 5 year olds called for splurging.
For those who don't know diabetes is a failure of an organ in your body called a pancreas. Your pancreas creates a hormone that eats up all the sugar that's created by food. My body has always hated me so it was only natural that one of my organs tell me to go and screw myself so I've been giving myself injections and regulating my own blood sugar for as long as I could remember. I was giving myself my own needles by the time I was 6 years old. My mother was terrified of needles and as for my dad, the thought of giving his little girl a needle made him ill. Even at 5 I knew my older sister was too spaced out to be trusted with something that sharp. So I took it into my own hands and I've pretty much been handling my own health since.
I learned to read my body pretty quickly, knowing that if I couldn't sleep or I felt agitated or frustrated I should probably check my sugar levels. I never really got to have that care-free childhood because I always had to make sure I had all of my insulin and other supplies and enough sugar to eat in case my blood sugar level went too low. Some people say I'm brave for giving myself my own needles but you'd be brave to if it came between pocking yourself a few times a day and dying a slow and painful death, trust me.
I ate the brownie with a child's rebellious glee. I didn't treat myself with food and even as I ate it I knew I would be paying for it for the next 2 days. I didn't care. Natasha had really gotten under my skin. Even as I walked away I could hear her calling me an idiot. Poor Ted had looked so hopeless while Natasha made puree out of me. He really is a nice guy.
Natasha was such a bag. I hated that I had cowered in front of her. But then I always cowered didn't I. I hated confrontation; I was always the peace keeper in my house. My mother, Cherry (yes, I'm serious, her name is Cherry) is very much like my sister, Molly. I love them both but they're a little spaced out. My dad, David Rochester is a car salesman so you can only imagine. When he was home he was always fighting with my mom and so he generally stayed away. Of course this meant that he rarely saw his daughters either but he always tried to make up for it by buying us things and taking us out to dinner and what not.
My parents are both very sweet people and they love my sister and I a lot they just aren't very… parental. I kind of took the parent role in my house, trying to make peace between my parents and then my sister and my parents. As a result I avoided conflict like the plague. I'd say almost anything to avoid a fight, including not standing up for myself.
I called Nicky that night and told her what had happened. After she finished laughing at me and calling Natasha every colorful name in the book she told me to have faith and not to give up. There were still a lot of hills to make a fool of myself on, after all.
I rented a movie from the selection offered on the provided TV and settled myself into my room with some popcorn and my pajamas. As the movie began I thought it had a very cheap feel to it but figured it was probably an Indie film. It only took the lead male revealing his penis to make me figure out that I had just rented porn. Turns out 'Gigi's New Member' wasn't exactly what I was expecting.
I fell asleep half way through (look, I was paying for the movie already, I figured I may as well get a laugh out of it) and dreamt of my own prince charming. I was of course a size 2 with a big chest and somewhere along the dream turned very, very naughty (shocking, I know). I was starting to get really hot and I started biting his lips. Not a bad twist but then his lips tasted like a peanut butter and honey sandwich. He suddenly disappeared was replaced by the earlier mentioned sandwhich. Beside it was a whole plate of brownies and beside that a massive Turkey dinner, the kind you see on Thanksgiving. I started eating the sandwich when suddenly a watermelon popped up and told me to stop eating its friend. I called it a slut and told it to make me and it started throwing oranges at my head and that's when and I woke up.
Whoever was in the room beside me had just crashed something against the wall and it had shaken my bed, hence the oranges. I felt really sweaty and like I was going to crawl out of my skin any moment. I fumbled around until I found my glucose tester and checked my sugar level. It was way too low; apparently I had overdosed for the popcorn. I grabbed the plastic bear filled with honey that I always keep beside my bed and started spooning it into my mouth. If you think it sounds gross it taste worse but it's effective.
I grabbed onto the bed to steady myself while my head stopped spinning and my sugar level raised itself. As my body slowly eased out of shock I started hearing other noises much like the noises in my dream. I realized the person or rather persons in the other room were doing what I had been dreaming of earlier. And here I had paid money for porn, if only I had known.