My Ability To Write Has Gone Poof

Inspiration flows freely, words come out blocky. They don't flow as they once did, they seem forced, unreal. Words…are an expression of thoughts and feelings and ideas and dreams. They are an art form that is just as hard, if not slightly harder, to master than actual painting and drawing. I once thought of taking up calligraphy, learning how to make the words I love to write so much an even more beautiful form of art. Calligraphy is delicate…and I think I may pick up a book on it next time I go to Michael's or A.C. Moore.

Music is needed. My iPod sits unused on my desk, lonely and waiting. To free it's binds and let loose the notes and melodies it has encased within! Breaking Benjamin has a special edition of their Phobia CD coming out on the 17th of April.

My best friend's birthday is on April 27th. She's currently listening to her iPod as I sit here and write this. She's the one who said I should write this. Might help my words flow more freely if I did. She's smart, wise sometimes too. Other times a wise ass, but I love her anyway.

She's like my personal conscience, mine quit several years ago. I don't think that's entirely healthy though, if we're to get through life we should learn to able to rely on ourselves without having other people be our crutches. I mean, what should happen if the two of us grow apart? What am I supposed to do if my supposed "conscience" isn't there to help me figure out what's right and what's wrong, what would be the safest or wisest course of action? I'd be screwed, personally. I'm learning to be able to make my own decisions, though her opinions normally affect my choices.

I've never been able to deny her anything. Suppose that's what happens when you fall in love with your best friend. …Your best straight friend with a boyfriend. …Do I know how to pick them, or what?

Anyway, my pleather bracelet is sitting in front of me, it's kind of shiny. It's got those cool squares that always look like you should sharpen them so when people poke them they hurt themselves. …Because that's the way my mind works sometimes. I don't know if anyone else thinks they should be sharpened, but I suppose they shouldn't be. If you wanted to hurt people with slightly spiky bracelets wouldn't you just buy a spiky bracelet instead? I don't know, maybe I'm just weird. Who knows.

Death…is…freedom, darkness, reaped, silent, calm, hot, fiery, deep, lonely, hell, cool, calm, silent, warming, satisfying, gratifying, filling, temporary, payment, melodic, poetic, eternity, entertained, spacious, heaven, understanding, decided, born, cynic, optimistic, escape, agony, long, pain…

Peaceful…

…Mine…