"I don't love you anymore."

That's what my father told her

Two weeks before Christmas

Ended 2005 on a sour note

To say the least.


"I don't love you anymore."

Did you ever love her really?

Was there ever that feeling

Of burning passion inside

That you say you've found?


"I don't love you anymore."

She should have known

There were plenty of blatant signs

From the honeymoon, they were there

Subtle notes, he left once and he'll do it again.


"I don't love you anymore."

That's what your smile told me

Two days before New Years of '05

When you said you were getting married

But couldn't find the right time to tell me.


"I don't love you anymore."

That's what her eyes told me

When she gave me up for Tom

When I stopped mattering

When I had to deal alone.


"I don't love you anymore."

That's what I want to say

That's what I want to scream

I want to paint it in the stars

And carve it into my skin


But I can't

I know I never will

Because it's not you I don't love

And God only knows why

But when I look in the mirror . . .


My own dead eyes look back

And they whisper so sweetly

"I don't love you anymore."

Review if you want. Just something to reflect the inner workings of a tortured mind. Yesterday, my sister told me that she's never met anyone as screwed up as me.

I'll tell you a secret: I wish she hadn't met me because I'm terrified that she looks up to me too much, that she wants to be just like me. I couldn't bear it if I looked into her eyes one day and saw the same insanity that I see in my own.

Yes, angst. Guess we don't grow out of it when we hit 18 cause I'm turning 19 in a few weeks and nothing's changed.