Today I am depressed.
I slept for 12 hours, and
missed my ten o'clock class.
it happens all the time…
Only today,
I wake up from a nightmare.
it doesn't dissolve quickly,
it follows me to the shower
as if it was as real as death.
I can't leave the feelings in my head
They consume me and darken my color.
In the dream…
I've cheated on you with your roommate Sean
Sean isn't attractive to me. Never has been you know.
I don't know where it came from.
In the dream, you refuse to acknowledge me. To touch me.
You turn away in disgust; it only makes me want you more.
I try to explain what happened. But you just ignore me…
Since I woke up, all I can think about is you.
I feel like a crazed freshmen girl, stalking her pray in the hall…
And actually uttering the words, "he's the air I breathe"
but today. It might as well be true.
I feel like I need to be with you
In an animalistic obsessive kind of way
even if it is only in a passing glance
or in the vacant smell of your tee shirts
we are a hundred miles away
but to feel like it's possible…
having hope to be with you again
to feel you inside of me again
to know we are joined…
I think about your dark, cold bedroom.
I can almost feel you at my back
warming me up when I freeze
bringing me water when my throat is dry.
You are the greatest hero I have ever known.
And for a long time I have wanted to write you a poem…
But every time I sat down to write, nothing came out.
Until this nightmare changed my mind,
Convinced me to never let you go. Never be unfaithful.
You are my forever.
And today I know it.