I wrote before that if he fell in love with someone else, that would break my heart. I was right. My heart was torn to a million, tiny little pieces. I can't describe how bad it hurt. All I can do is ask God to help me get through. I don't know if I've ever hurt so much in my life. It's kind of unfair. It seems like everyone else gets what they want. I keep reminding myself that God doesn't want to hurt me. He won't leave me alone.

At first, all I wanted to do was forget. Forget he even existed. Not even look at him or spare him a glance. I realize now that's not the right thing to do. I don't want to stop being friends with him. I don't want to be so cold. I would only be hurting myself even more. I care about him too much to do that.

What hurts the most is that they knew. Two girls, that I extremely care about, knew. They knew how I felt. Or maybe, they really didn't know at all. I don't know. But, why does it hurt the most? Maybe because I feel like they didn't care about how I felt. They do care more about each other than they do me. They were best friends before they even met me, and I understand that, but they don't have to make me feel so excluded. They can hurt me so bad. It feels like my heart is being ripped out of me, thrown on the ground, and stomped on repeatedly. The worst part is that I let it happen. I let it happen because I just can't tell them how I feel. I know they wouldn't understand. They wouldn't understand that what they do causes me so much pain. Well, either they don't understand, or just don't care.

In the end, I'll be alright. I just need some time.